Love (no, not the fake kind, the real kind)

Ephesians 3: 14-19 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, The Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Recently, I've been feeling a deep sense of loneliness, like no one really cares or even wants to care. I feel like ever since I moved here two and a half years ago, it's been hard for me to regain that sense of closeness. I'm guessing it's because I'm afraid of when I have to leave again, and I'll have to go through the same thing all over again. It's a useless fear that will get me nowhere, but it's still there.

I came across this verse, and its impact on me was so great. I can go to the creator of the universe, and he will share some of His power with me? It's insane. As we trust in him more and more, our roots grow deeper in his love.

I may leave people I love a lot during this life. But I am firmly rooted in the love of the creator. When I leave, I know he's there. When I feel lonely, I know I'm rooted in his love. I have this love to try and understand, I can't even understand fully no matter how long I live or how smart I am. It's impossible to fully grasp the depth of his love. Is that sinking in with you? Here on earth, we may have relationships that are so shallow, we can figure them out in a day, or we may even see the end of someone's love for us. But God's love...the full extent of it can't even fit into our brains. He has more than enough for you, for me, and for every single person on earth. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully.

I know there's people out there who are going through a broken heart, abandonment, or maybe a period of loneliness as I am. I hope that you'll be encouraged as you read the words of your father in heaven. He competes you, not a boy, not your family, not even your best friend. They play a big part in showing you the love of God, but until you experience him for yourself, you will always be missing something.

Lord, I pray that you use me as an example. I'm not perfect, far from it. I have hard times, I can't say all the right things. In general, I know I'm a failure. But God, with you I'm made perfect in my weakness. You love me. You love me. You love me! Help me to share that love everywhere I go today.

I would love to pray for you personally. You can comment on my blog if you would like that, you don't even have to put why. Just ask for prayer. I promise I'll pray with you and for you. If you like I can call you and talk to you as well. If you really need to talk, you can email me: sckpanhead@gmail.com

Have an awesome pancake day! -Selena

June 21, 2006

A lot of you might not know this, or if you do you have been so kind as to not bring it up around me, but five years ago today, my second brother was born. If you've ever met my family, you know that I have two younger sisters and ONE younger brother, so a mention of a second brother might come as a shock. The reason you've never heard of my little brother Peter, is because he no longer lives here on earth, but in heaven with his creator.

This is going to be the first time I really come out and say anything about it. I think after five years, I'm finally brave enough to talk about it. God uses every situation, even the passing of little brothers, for His glory, and I'm hoping through Peter's story, you can see one of the many times that has happened in my life.

I was twelve when he was born. It was a crazy day, to say the least. I don't think it's necessary to go into the details of that day, but compilations required an unplanned hospital visit (he was supposed to be born at home like my first brother), and the loss of my brother's life.

We held him for a long time that day, looking at his features, rubbing his hair, talking to him. He looked so much like he was sleeping, and I'd like to believe he was. He woke up for the first time in the arms of his Father, his true eternal Father.

I cried at the hospital, that's to be expected I guess. I cried at his funeral. I hugged my family that had come to say goodbye to this relative they had never met. It hurt, nothing has ever felt worse in my whole life since then, and I wanted more than anything to make it go away. I buried within myself, not talking to anyone about it, not looking at Peter's grave stone, nothing. I thought if I could only keep him out of mind, I could forget about it and move on. I tried so hard sometimes to pretend like nothing was wrong, but there was a lot of instances where I lost it in front of family or friends.

I did get over it for the most part. I was entering a crucial stage in my life, and things were happening that helped me to keep my mind off my brother. Much to my relief, I didn't have to try anymore. I thought this was the end of it. Peter was a memory, a family member that had gone on before me, and I was better now.

That wasn't the end though. As my relationship with God, my personality, and my situation drastically changed in the years following, I have been thinking of Peter in different ways. I've mostly been wondering why. It's not an angry question, but more of a curious question. I find myself saying, "Why God? What purpose did my brother's life serve to me?" I knew there must be a reason, a cause, something behind this experience.

I blogged about my Jeremy Camp concert not too long ago. What I didn't mention was something special that happened that night, a sort of realization, an answer to a question I guess you could say. If you don't know this man's story, you should go find it somewhere, because I don't want to ruin the story in any way. All you need to know is that he has experience with loss in his life as well, and he talks about it a lot. He talked about it both times I've seen him, and both times I thought of my brother. But the most recent time I saw him, he talked about how even death could become a good thing. If one person dies, isn't it worth it if one person could come to the realization of the Truth because of it?

If one person, only one, were to hear my brother's story and accept their savior because of it, then the short life he lived would be worth it. That was the thought I dwelled on for the remainder of the concert. I might never know who came into contact with my family and my brother that day. I may never meet some of the doctors and nurses that were on duty on June 21 five years ago. But if only one of them started searching because of what happened........

I hope that my brother's story impacts you in some way today. I pray that you can see my hope of seeing him again someday, that you can sense how much I loved him, that you can realize that God brings beauty out of pain. Sure, this may be hard for me, but if God can use me and my brother to bring people to Christ, then I would do it all over again. His life shows that God counted me worthy to suffer for his name, God knew I was strong enough to handle this, and he knew that it would help me, even five years later, to see his awesome power at work in the life of someone as shy and introverted as I am. I don't ask why anymore, because all that shows is a lack of faith in my Father in this situation. God has done awesome things in my life, and you better believe that he can do awesome things in your life as well.

It's my prayer that you can read my story today and be encouraged. I pray that if you haven't experienced God's power in your life yet, that you will allow Him in. I pray that you stop faking, that you stop hurting, that you stop pretending, and make this real. But mostly I pray that my brother's life makes a difference in this world, no matter how small.

If you want to talk to me more about my brother, I'd be glad to talk. If you have questions, I'd be glad to answer. Comment them, post them on my blog's Facebook wall, or send me an email if you wish. I'm here for you.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me,

if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -

the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

Acts 20:24

No Blog Today

It's been a really crazy week, I had a late night last night, I'm about to leave on a five hour car trip in a little bit, and all this weekend I will be busy visiting old friends. I didn't have time to write a blog for today, I apologize if it's any disappointment to you. There will be a special blog on Tuesday that I'm sure you will want to read, so be sure to come back for that. In the mean time, I hope you all have an awesome and safe Father's day weekend!

-Selena (Sckpanhead)

Ice Cream, James Bond, and Shopping

I know I've been starting off most of my blogs lately with "I had no idea what to write, and then....." But that's how it was again this week. The only problem is, I usually get that last minute inspiration on Thursday, not on Friday an hour before my blog's supposed to launch.

I do have pretty legit excuses this time. My best friend from Nevada is currently staying with me, and we're already a whole week into the vacation. It's been crazy to say the least. Another one of my legit reasons (I like saying legit) is that usually, when I write, I write what's on my heart. I write my true feelings, and honestly, my true feelings right now are just too personal to put up online.

But still I feel like I should write about something.........

Like I said before, this weekend has been crazy on account of my friend sharing my house. She's even stolen my bed, but I'm not going to dwell on that. Back where I used to live, and where she is from, things are very different than they are here in the great state of California. We went shopping last night, and she couldn't get over that we had EVERYTHING, not just a few select stores. She keeps asking us if we have this store or that store, and we keep telling her that we pretty much have everything. She obviously had a good time shopping last night.

Another thing they don't have where she's from is ice cream trucks, where as here we have at least three that pass by my house every day. Once she found this out, she told me that we were going to buy ice cream every day for the remainder of her vacation (oh great). So let me paint a picture for you. It's a hot summer afternoon, the ice cream melodies are playing somewhere off in the distance, and two teenage girls come running down the street, and I mean running, waving their money and wondering why the truck isn't stopping. Yep, those two teenagers were me and my friend, and we almost missed the truck. But she was determined to get that ice cream. Do you know how hard it is to run outside in the afternoon where I live? It's hot man! And besides that, I didn't have time to put my shoes on! But we got the Batman ice cream. We got the Batman ice cream....

Another thing we've been doing is playing a lot of video games. I'm more of a single player gamer, you know, Legend of Zelda and the like. But my friend has been making me play James Bond two player with her. I know guys like girls who play video games, and especially girls who play shooter games. But regardless of the fact that we take part in a very stereotypical guy game, we still play like girls. Most guys would be strategic as they play this game. They would place bombs and use the sniper guns to make the most unexpected and deadly kill they can. But my friend and I play different. We wander around until we find the other, placing trip mines behind us in case we're being followed, and when we finally find each other we scream and start firing at each other until someone dies. It's very enjoyable.

So that's what I've been up to. If you have any suggestions as to places we could go or things we could do, my friend and I would be very appreciative. Don't forget that you can now follow my blog on Facebook. See you next week!

How man killed God

One thing you should know about me before we start this blog is that I'm homeschooled, and I'm proud of it. Although I'm trying very hard to stop, I often speak out very strongly against public schools and what they are doing to my generation of people, especially on the subject of God and living for Him. Christians are not accepted in the schools anymore. Let me say, I have many good friends that made it through public school just fine, I'm not saying it's impossible to get through public school un-scarred. But if it isn't one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do in your life, then you must be super Christian or something.

Personally, I never would have made it through public school. With my odd personality, my issues, and pretty much everything about me, I would be a very different person. I probably wouldn't be writing this blog. I know almost for sure that I wouldn't be playing keyboards or singing. And I hate to even think about this, but I might have never made my relationship with my Lord real. I know that homeschooling is not an option for some parents, or for whatever reason they can't homeschool. But it's my belief that if there was no such thing as public school, the world would be greatly benefited.

Anyways, THAT could turn itself into it's own blog. The thing I want to discuss today is my least favorite subject: science. I want you to know that for the first time in my blogging history, I did research for this blog! I actually read other material, was inspired by a source other than my own mind or music, and I have books open in front of me. BOOKS! This should be a very special blog.

Back in the 1600s, a little something called the Age of Enlightenment was taking place. Great minds such as Galileo, Copernicus, and Kepler were making discoveries that would change the way mankind looked at the world around them forever. It was the age of discovery, the scientific revolution, and the abandonment of God.

What, you say? The abandonment of God?

Why yes, dear reader. You see, now that man had all this modern science, man suddenly had the power to explain and prove how the world worked. There was no need for superstitious beliefs in a Creator. Faith wasn't necessary if you knew how everything worked. If you could suddenly explain the existence of man, how we moved, how we worked, how we fit into the universe, God loses His power. He's not needed any longer. We had taken the power away from God and had placed it into the hands of man. In other words, man was now god.

This subject was an entire history lesson in my school work a couple of days ago. Of course, in my homeschooled mind, I immediately put two and two together to make four, or, in this case, the public schools. Man had all this knowledge now that needed to be passed on. Think about it: Where is the place you first head about science, the earth, and how it worked? Where were you when you learned of man's power to explain things without the help of God? If you answered 'school', you're in the majority. We are learning how to disprove God in the place we go to everyday. We trust the schools to give us the information we need to get through this world.

OK, time out. Now for me, all the stuff I learn in school strengthens my faith in my Lord, With every turn of my history books, I'm encouraged to take my relationship to new levels. I'm taught how to be a light in this dark world. In biology, I'm taught how God's creation is so complex and amazing that it could only have com from an extremely intelligent creator. In literature, I often read books written by people who were so infatuated with their God that their writings spill over with His love and grace. In math class, I'm tormented with numbers and calculations and.....

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I am taught so differently than kids in schools. I'm learning the same stuff. I'm advancing in the same ways as far as academics goes. I'm no better than them when it comes to knowledge and understanding. The difference is in the way I'm taught. The root, the driving force behind everything I'm learning, is my God. In public schools, the force behind all those textbooks is man. Their lessons were created by a man who may or may not believe in the Creator.

"The scientific revolution opened a question that humanists are still trying to answer. If God does not exist or is irrelevant to human life, and if man is not the center of a vast universe, what is the nature and purpose of human life? Secular humanists have no satisfying answer to this. The correct answer is that God does exist and does matter. His creation - from the wonders of the atom to the wonders of the amazing but finite universe - gives Him glory and honor, and man is a unique (though fallen) part of that creation, designed to worship Him." Exploring World History part 2: The Renaissance to the Present, pg. 533

Am I against public schools? Yes. If it was up to me, they would be closed and the funding going to the things that make sense. But if they would teach the things that really matter, that it is not science and knowledge that saves us, but the power of our Savior Jesus, then the world would be different, don't you think?

Check out the great article that played a big part in inspiring this blog here, and to see my awesome curriculum that is teaching me how to be a better person, you can click here.

The heavens are telling of the glory of God;

And their expanse is declaring the work of his hands.

Psalm 19:1