Patient Endurance

My dad and I had a conversation last week that went something like this:

Me: Do you ever feel like there's so many problems in your life that you can't do a single thing about?
My dad: Yes, I call it life.

It was a depressing statement, but that's definitely how I've felt this past week. It's like I'm just hanging in there, fighting through the current problem until the next one hits me. No one is there for me to talk to, that's all I really want right now is someone to talk to who will listen and not just tell me what to do. I feel so small and helpless. I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix things, and I hate it.

I'm not going to do Hebrews chapter six today because I think like I need to write about what's been going on. I usually write my best stuff when things go downhill, so I figured now would be a good time to do this blog I've been wanting to do for a while.

Last Friday, things just kinda went wrong. It was one of those nights where suddenly, I realized I wasn't alright. I don't know if you ever feel like this, but I just had to go somewhere by myself and cry. I'm not afraid to cry, in fact, it feels good to know I can still feel anything. Crying is good. I sit on my back porch listening to Jeremy Camp, praying, and crying until two in the morning, when my sister had to come get me because I'd almost fallen asleep. I don't think I've ever prayed so intensely for such a long period of time. Prayer was the only thing I had left, the only weapon left in my inventory. When I'm not strong enough to use my words, or when it's impossible for me to be there for everyone who needs me, I know I can pray. I couldn't even sleep in after staying up so late, I got back up at six and continued praying. I wanted to spend time with the Lord so badly. I wanted to know he was working.

Saturday night, I was flipping through my bible and reading all the key verses I had highlighted in school. The color code goes something like this: Red means things we need to do, plans of action, things we're commanded to do, and things we should be doing. Yellow is for verses relating to prayer, and Green is for the important verses that speak to me or that bring a passage together. Usually when I need something more than my daily study, I go through the chapters I've already studied and read the green verses. But my bible just kinda fell open to a verse in red, and things finally started to make sense. I knew what I had to do, and what better way than to write it out.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

That's exactly what I wanted, that's what I wanted to give to those around me who were also hurting, but I didn't know how. But God provided me with everything I needed to say, and it's all right up there ^ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, because he is the God of compassion! Comforting his children is what he does! He comforts me in order that I may comfort others. He pulls me through things so that I can help others get through what they're going through. If we never suffered anything, how are we to be comforted? You need the rain to get the rainbow. It sounds so cliche, but this is just another good thing that can come from suffering. Friday night as I sat outside praying, song after song kept playing on my Zune that worshiped God, telling him how amazing and wonderful he was. It might feel odd to praise God when it seems like he allowed all the bad stuff to happen, but there's always a reason for what he does, always.

Monday morning, I started reading a book called Experiencing God: Youth Edition. What better time to start reading such an amazing book. After the first lesson, you're required to pray about what you had read, and again I found myself in tears. The whole lesson had been about following the Lord day by day, not trying to figure out all the details about what he wants you to do. Most of last weekend I found myself asking God to show me what to do, but this book challenged me to ask him to lead me in what he wants me to do. Instead of trying to understand everything that's going on, I need to take things day by day. Instead of wondering why things were the way they were, I needed to trust God that he was working.

When I'm lost, Jesus is my way. When I don't know what to do next, God knows exactly how things are going to end. While I pray, he works. I just need to trust the God who is able to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask for or imagine, the same God that is at work inside of me!

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is as work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.”
- Ephesians 3:20-21

If only my words could do any sort of justice to what God is able to do through your life, through your circumstances, through your pain, then maybe I'd be able to make some sort of impact on you today. But sometimes I need to write what I can based on what He's been showing me, and hope that through my life, your life might be changed as well. Although I want whoever happens to read this post to get something from it, I wrote this blog for someone special that I know is having a crappy time right now. To wrap things up, I want to say to him and everyone else reading that's going through some difficult stuff that you aren't alone. I'm here, God's here, and I've been praying for you non-stop since Friday. God has a hand in every little detail of your life, your amazing beautiful life, and he wants you to grow closer to him. Trust him to make things clear to you as you live each day. Take things one step at a time, and know that Jesus is your way. It's often when you're broken and confused that God teaches you his biggest lessons, I've experienced this many times in past years. It's now that he wants you to put your whole life into his hands so he can do with it as he wants. I'm not perfect, I've never been perfect. I'm pretty screwed up right now, and I can't be that example to you that I'd like to be. I'd like to be that person that does everything right, but I'm just as broken as you. But I'm here to listen. In fact, please feel free to let me know how I can pray for you. I'm one of those people who likes getting those long emails that make no sense or phone calls from people who just need to talk at three in the morning. I can't promise I'll have all the answers, but I can promise to be there for you if you need me.

“That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
-2 Corinthians 12:10

Okay, I'm going to ask you to do something a little silly, but I'm doing it too, so just go along with me here. I'm going to ask you to think of one thing in your life that makes you happy. Maybe it's a person, a song, an item, a scripture, whatever you like. Dwell on your happy thing for a little bit. Think of why it makes you happy. Think of when you first met that person, or first heard that song or read that scripture. Alright, now that it's firmly fixed in your mind, I want you to say it out loud and smile. Trust me, when you've had a hard weekend, it almost hurts to smile. But we need to get those muscles working again. Did you do it? Good, now go show someone that smile. ;)