Before the day we are allowed to blow stuff up

Today is July 3rd, and today I won a contest I never even thought I'd enter in my life.

My church had a picnic today for the forth of July (yes yes I know it's a day early, but we have actual church tomorrow). I spent the first part of the day face painting, which was fun, but super hard. You'd think something as simple as painting a flower on a little kid's face would be easier than it was. After that we had delicious hotdogs and hamburgers. I had one hamburger and two hotdogs, and some taco salad.

After we ate, we had an egg toss. My grandpa and I paired up and were the first to strike out (or rather, the first to break our egg). Then we played some game with bowls and water and we all got wet and it was horrible so I'll stop talking about it.

Then there was a pie eating contest. I hadn't planned on doing this at all, because you see, there are some guys at our church who I wouldn't stand a chance against. But the prize for the winner was this cooler that my mom had been wanting for a long time, so my dad and I both entered the contest for her (or at least I did). There was about eight of us, six guys, me, and one of the moms. She told me she was just in it to get some pie, but don't tell anyone I said that. We each got a third of a pie with cream on top that we had to consume without using our hands as fast as we could. Whoever finished first wins.

We started, and I dove into that pie like my life depended on it. I was drowning in cream for the first five seconds, but then I opened up and shoved as much pie as I could into my mouth. I could hear everyone cheering for my youth leader and my dad, and I was almost ready to give up. But then a bunch of people started cheering for me! I was like, what? I looked over at my dad while I was trying to swallow, and I could see why. I was beating him! I was winning!

I finished my pie, but still no one said anything. So I licked my plate with insane intensity. Then the guy told everyone to stop, because they had a winner. It was me of course. I had just won a pie eating contest with a bunch of dudes. I. AM. FAT.

So I got the cooler, but now I feel like crap. I have been smelling nothing but cream ever since then, and I feel like all that hotdog and pie is going to come up at any second.

Oh, hold on.....I gotta go.......