Ephesians 3: 14-19 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, The Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Recently, I've been feeling a deep sense of loneliness, like no one really cares or even wants to care. I feel like ever since I moved here two and a half years ago, it's been hard for me to regain that sense of closeness. I'm guessing it's because I'm afraid of when I have to leave again, and I'll have to go through the same thing all over again. It's a useless fear that will get me nowhere, but it's still there.
I came across this verse, and its impact on me was so great. I can go to the creator of the universe, and he will share some of His power with me? It's insane. As we trust in him more and more, our roots grow deeper in his love.
I may leave people I love a lot during this life. But I am firmly rooted in the love of the creator. When I leave, I know he's there. When I feel lonely, I know I'm rooted in his love. I have this love to try and understand, I can't even understand fully no matter how long I live or how smart I am. It's impossible to fully grasp the depth of his love. Is that sinking in with you? Here on earth, we may have relationships that are so shallow, we can figure them out in a day, or we may even see the end of someone's love for us. But God's love...the full extent of it can't even fit into our brains. He has more than enough for you, for me, and for every single person on earth. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully.
I know there's people out there who are going through a broken heart, abandonment, or maybe a period of loneliness as I am. I hope that you'll be encouraged as you read the words of your father in heaven. He competes you, not a boy, not your family, not even your best friend. They play a big part in showing you the love of God, but until you experience him for yourself, you will always be missing something.
Lord, I pray that you use me as an example. I'm not perfect, far from it. I have hard times, I can't say all the right things. In general, I know I'm a failure. But God, with you I'm made perfect in my weakness. You love me. You love me. You love me! Help me to share that love everywhere I go today.
I would love to pray for you personally. You can comment on my blog if you would like that, you don't even have to put why. Just ask for prayer. I promise I'll pray with you and for you. If you like I can call you and talk to you as well. If you really need to talk, you can email me: sckpanhead@gmail.com
Have an awesome pancake day! -Selena
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
June 21, 2006
A lot of you might not know this, or if you do you have been so kind as to not bring it up around me, but five years ago today, my second brother was born. If you've ever met my family, you know that I have two younger sisters and ONE younger brother, so a mention of a second brother might come as a shock. The reason you've never heard of my little brother Peter, is because he no longer lives here on earth, but in heaven with his creator.
This is going to be the first time I really come out and say anything about it. I think after five years, I'm finally brave enough to talk about it. God uses every situation, even the passing of little brothers, for His glory, and I'm hoping through Peter's story, you can see one of the many times that has happened in my life.
I was twelve when he was born. It was a crazy day, to say the least. I don't think it's necessary to go into the details of that day, but compilations required an unplanned hospital visit (he was supposed to be born at home like my first brother), and the loss of my brother's life.
We held him for a long time that day, looking at his features, rubbing his hair, talking to him. He looked so much like he was sleeping, and I'd like to believe he was. He woke up for the first time in the arms of his Father, his true eternal Father.
I cried at the hospital, that's to be expected I guess. I cried at his funeral. I hugged my family that had come to say goodbye to this relative they had never met. It hurt, nothing has ever felt worse in my whole life since then, and I wanted more than anything to make it go away. I buried within myself, not talking to anyone about it, not looking at Peter's grave stone, nothing. I thought if I could only keep him out of mind, I could forget about it and move on. I tried so hard sometimes to pretend like nothing was wrong, but there was a lot of instances where I lost it in front of family or friends.
I did get over it for the most part. I was entering a crucial stage in my life, and things were happening that helped me to keep my mind off my brother. Much to my relief, I didn't have to try anymore. I thought this was the end of it. Peter was a memory, a family member that had gone on before me, and I was better now.
That wasn't the end though. As my relationship with God, my personality, and my situation drastically changed in the years following, I have been thinking of Peter in different ways. I've mostly been wondering why. It's not an angry question, but more of a curious question. I find myself saying, "Why God? What purpose did my brother's life serve to me?" I knew there must be a reason, a cause, something behind this experience.
This is going to be the first time I really come out and say anything about it. I think after five years, I'm finally brave enough to talk about it. God uses every situation, even the passing of little brothers, for His glory, and I'm hoping through Peter's story, you can see one of the many times that has happened in my life.
I was twelve when he was born. It was a crazy day, to say the least. I don't think it's necessary to go into the details of that day, but compilations required an unplanned hospital visit (he was supposed to be born at home like my first brother), and the loss of my brother's life.
We held him for a long time that day, looking at his features, rubbing his hair, talking to him. He looked so much like he was sleeping, and I'd like to believe he was. He woke up for the first time in the arms of his Father, his true eternal Father.
I cried at the hospital, that's to be expected I guess. I cried at his funeral. I hugged my family that had come to say goodbye to this relative they had never met. It hurt, nothing has ever felt worse in my whole life since then, and I wanted more than anything to make it go away. I buried within myself, not talking to anyone about it, not looking at Peter's grave stone, nothing. I thought if I could only keep him out of mind, I could forget about it and move on. I tried so hard sometimes to pretend like nothing was wrong, but there was a lot of instances where I lost it in front of family or friends.
I did get over it for the most part. I was entering a crucial stage in my life, and things were happening that helped me to keep my mind off my brother. Much to my relief, I didn't have to try anymore. I thought this was the end of it. Peter was a memory, a family member that had gone on before me, and I was better now.
That wasn't the end though. As my relationship with God, my personality, and my situation drastically changed in the years following, I have been thinking of Peter in different ways. I've mostly been wondering why. It's not an angry question, but more of a curious question. I find myself saying, "Why God? What purpose did my brother's life serve to me?" I knew there must be a reason, a cause, something behind this experience.
I blogged about my Jeremy Camp concert not too long ago. What I didn't mention was something special that happened that night, a sort of realization, an answer to a question I guess you could say. If you don't know this man's story, you should go find it somewhere, because I don't want to ruin the story in any way. All you need to know is that he has experience with loss in his life as well, and he talks about it a lot. He talked about it both times I've seen him, and both times I thought of my brother. But the most recent time I saw him, he talked about how even death could become a good thing. If one person dies, isn't it worth it if one person could come to the realization of the Truth because of it?
If one person, only one, were to hear my brother's story and accept their savior because of it, then the short life he lived would be worth it. That was the thought I dwelled on for the remainder of the concert. I might never know who came into contact with my family and my brother that day. I may never meet some of the doctors and nurses that were on duty on June 21 five years ago. But if only one of them started searching because of what happened........
I hope that my brother's story impacts you in some way today. I pray that you can see my hope of seeing him again someday, that you can sense how much I loved him, that you can realize that God brings beauty out of pain. Sure, this may be hard for me, but if God can use me and my brother to bring people to Christ, then I would do it all over again. His life shows that God counted me worthy to suffer for his name, God knew I was strong enough to handle this, and he knew that it would help me, even five years later, to see his awesome power at work in the life of someone as shy and introverted as I am. I don't ask why anymore, because all that shows is a lack of faith in my Father in this situation. God has done awesome things in my life, and you better believe that he can do awesome things in your life as well.
It's my prayer that you can read my story today and be encouraged. I pray that if you haven't experienced God's power in your life yet, that you will allow Him in. I pray that you stop faking, that you stop hurting, that you stop pretending, and make this real. But mostly I pray that my brother's life makes a difference in this world, no matter how small.
If you want to talk to me more about my brother, I'd be glad to talk. If you have questions, I'd be glad to answer. Comment them, post them on my blog's Facebook wall, or send me an email if you wish. I'm here for you.
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me,
if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -
the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
Acts 20:24
Friday, June 17, 2011
No Blog Today
It's been a really crazy week, I had a late night last night, I'm about to leave on a five hour car trip in a little bit, and all this weekend I will be busy visiting old friends. I didn't have time to write a blog for today, I apologize if it's any disappointment to you. There will be a special blog on Tuesday that I'm sure you will want to read, so be sure to come back for that. In the mean time, I hope you all have an awesome and safe Father's day weekend!
-Selena (Sckpanhead)
-Selena (Sckpanhead)
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