A Change of Mind

Yesterday, I was talking to a good friend of mine about how past feelings and emotions sometimes re-surface, no matter how badly we want them to go away. I agreed with him, since I knew some horrible emotions from my past often showed themselves when I least expected it. He said we could never fully supress them, once we go through something, it's with us for the rest of our lives.

I got to thinking later that day about how a lot of my old negative feelings hadn't come around lately. I began to feel slightly proud about it, until right now, when I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, heart pounding, senseless fear over I knew not what. It was a panic attack. I was having my first one in a long time.

Although I was able to stop it rather quickly by distracting my mind, I couldn't help but laugh at myself over thinking I was getting better at this whole emotions thing. I'm just as vulnerable to them now as I was back then, and I'll always be. Maybe it's not a matter of completely overcoming, but of slowly replacing.

See, a lot of good things have happened to me in the past three months. I've had a lot of positive change, positive emotions, and healed relationships. I felt like I was getting better at just being happy for all the things God has blessed me with. Although there hadn't been too many outside changes, I still allowed my thoughts, my actions, and my words to be positive. It was an internal change. This is why I think most of the negative stuff from my past almost entirely went away, or if it did try to come back, I was much better at changing the outcome.

I didn't do anything specifically to get rid of the negative. I simply decided to fill my head with positive things. There's no room for sadness when you're happy. They can't co-exist inside your mind. When you feel the bad thing rising, immediately replace them with good. That's the only way you can guarantee a change.

God actually gives us a bit of help with this in His word. "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -think about such things." (Philippians 4:8) I'm guessing the creator of our minds knew it was best for the most defining part of our bodies to be filled with the positive. Our actions, our personalities, everything starts there, and if it's not something good, we're going to get undesirable results.

If it helps, maybe something you could do to get your mind back in the right mindset (because being positive is beneficial for more than just getting rid of negative feelings), you could make a list of things that make you happy. Maybe it's a person, a phrase, an accomplishment you had, or anything that fits the description of Philippians 4:8. Put it somewhere you can see it often, and read it while you smile.

We Can Get Better At This

My last relationship...well, long story short, it left me scared. I try my hardest not to bring that emotional garbage into my new relationship, but sometimes, it comes through despite my efforts. It's frustrating, but it helps if I get past my pride, and ask my boyfriend Kelby if there's things in my life that he dislikes in me. No one sees you quite as well as your significant other. Besides you, they spend the most time around you. They know your deepest, darkest secrets. They know YOU for who you are, and not who you try to be.

It hurts to have someone tell you what you're lacking, or what you do too much of. But it was a real wake up to me when I realized that yeah, I do have those not so nice traits. And more importantly, that I can fix them. The two Kelby mentioned to me have been a part of my personality since I was little. So they won't go away, even if I tried. But I don't have to accept them as a bad part of me. I can use those traits for good. I can rewrite the program.

I guess most of this desire to be different, to get better at this, is because I'm really determined to make this relationship work. I know trying too hard at something can sometimes have the opposite effect you desire, but instead of working on "us" this time around, I'm more focused on me. How can I better myself for him? That's why I ask him if there's things I need to change. That's why I try my hardest to make sure all my qualities, both good and bad, are working to make me into a better person and not just coming out as expressions of my personality.

The most important thing is to make sure you're not just relying on your own strength to make these changes. No one can make you into a better person quite like God can. Learning to give all my problems, all my cares, and all my goals over to Him in this process has been a learning experience for sure. Kelby isn't the only reason I want to change, but, for example, instead of pushing with all my might to make this work, I've been surrendering everything to God. Instead of praying, "Lord, give me strength to keep pushing," I'm praying "Lord, change me into the person you want me to be, and let my relationship work out the way You want it to." It takes more faith than I'm usually willing to give, but I truly believe I can get better at this. I think that this year will be less about me making my life better, and more about Him taking control over everything. 

Steal My Heart

During my workout, I was listening to a song called "Stolen" by Brandon Heath, and as my mind tends to do, it wandered onto the deeper meaning of what the song means.

It's such a romantic term, to steal one's heart. To steal means to take that which is not yours, to have it in your possession, to take without permission. "How does one steal a heart?" I thought to myself. "Why don't we just say you became dedicated or decided to single out one person for your affections? No, we say stolen.

As I thought about it more, it started to become clear to me. When you fall in love with someone, it's not by any choice of yours. You don't line up a bunch of people and pick out the one that would be best suited to you. No, rather you get to know someone, their strengths and weaknesses, their flaws and their perfections, and then you begin to fall in love with them. Never has one picked out the perfect person based solely on rational thinking and consideration for what their present and future self requires. It's always a general acceptance of a completely random person. In other words, they steal your heart. They take that which is not theirs.

Then I began to think of this on a grander scale, that is, love between man and his Creator. God's heart wasn't "stolen" by us in the way I just described, but He still chose to love us despite how messed up we are. When you meet someone and fall in love with them, you might tell them about a lot of your flaws, and they might see some of them first hand. But God KNOWS every single screwed up thing about you, and He loves you anyways. That is the most amazing type of love I have ever heard of. Even when you've done something so horrible that you hate yourself, God still loves you. When you keep making the same mistake over and over, He still loves you. He doesn't love you because of what He might get out of you now or later.

Turn things the other way around, and things become a bit more complicated. The song's main focus was the love we as humans have for God. This is where the whole heart thief thing comes back, because falling in love with God can be the same process. God doesn't have any flaws we have to look past or learn to love over time, but being a Christian does come with a lifestyle, a label, a rejection from friends and family, and rejection from the things of this world. You can have peace, fulfillment  real true love, but you'll have to deal with living in a world that hasn't experienced the love you have. You have to let God steal your heart, to have full possession of it no matter what sort of crap you'll have to deal with later. Fall irrationally in love with Him and give Him your whole heart.

I believe God made the human emotion/act of love so we can understand what it is He feels for us, and what we should feel for Him. When I love my boyfriend, my siblings, my parents...all these different kinds of love give me a glimpse into the love He has for me. It's truly amazing to think I have a God like Him.

Haiti Podcast Part 1

Good afternoon all you lovely people. Thanks for coming to my blog, today is a special edition of The Sckpanhead Blog, if only because I have advertised the crap out of the video below. As some of you know, I will be going to Haiti on a mission trip this summer, and I felt now would be a good time to let you know some more details, and for me to make a personal appearance. The video below is the first in a series of podcasts I will be doing about Haiti and how YOU can help me this summer without even leaving your house. So....enjoy the random, and I'm sorry for mumbling, I felt a little odd talking to myself in my room.

God-Sized Easter

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”
~2 Timothy 2:15

One thing that keeps coming up in church and my personal study is “God-sized mission”. It’s when God gives you a task that seems impossible or too hard for you to accomplish on your own. It’s when you know you’re supposed to be doing something but refuse to do it because you’re afraid of failing or being humiliated in front of people. A good example of this is my church’s new children’s ministry. They wanted to raise a ridiculous amount of money to give the kids an amazing experience every Sunday when they came to church. It would make kids excited about coming to church. It would be awesome. But the money…it was a God-sized mission for sure. Still, I remember every Sunday they would encourage the church to give to this new project. The expected launch date was Easter Sunday 2012.

That Sunday is two days away, and I’m proud to be a part of that launch. Somehow, even though the church fell short of the money goal, they pulled it together, and as someone on the inside, it’s going to be incredible. I’m excited, and I’m not even one of the kids! It was inspiring to see so many people volunteer their time and money to help this thing come together. It’s something we as humans could have never done on our own, but God’s power is, was, and will be, shown through this ministry for a long time.

That’s the point of this whole thing, the focus of God-sized missions. They’re things you could never do on your own, things that take a heck of a lot of faith. But when it’s done, you and the people around you can see that there’s only one reason why this mission worked: the power of God. God-sized missions are your chance to let God work in you and through you to accomplish something that will bring glory to His name more than anything you could have done on your own. It’s a time for us to lay everything at His feet and say, “Okay God, this looks pretty impossible, but I know You are much more capable than I am.”

I like to think of the day that Jesus died when Good Friday comes around (dur). The disciples must have been pretty bummed out. They had just seen their God, their leader, their teacher, and their good friend murdered in a horrible way. They must have been confused. Jesus had promised them he would be with them for a long time. What were they supposed to think of those promises now? Jesus was dead!

Jesus could have left it at that. I mean, he spent a good deal of time showing God’s power to thousands of people doing things that could only be explained by the power of God. But he had something greater in mind. Sure, dying in front of his disciples and all these other people seemed like a pretty bad thing. But after three days in the grave (days I’m sure felt like a bazillion years to the disciples), he made the ultimate display of power by coming back to life. He defeated the one thing no man has ever been able to get away from. He defeated death! THAT is a God-sized mission for sure, where God’s love and power were displayed in the most incredible way I’ve ever seen.

This of course, all ties to my upcoming trip to Haiti. I tried for months to ignore the call of God to go to a different country. I was scared. What if I make a big deal out of it and don’t raise enough money? What if God calls me to be a missionary permanently? What if I get sick and die? What if this, what if that? And then all this stuff about God-sized missions started coming up. In church, in my bible study, in the home bible study I go to, pretty much everywhere I was hearing those exact words. I knew God was giving me one of those missions, and it was time for me to respond. I’m trusting God to do something greater and bigger than anything I could plan and put together on my own. He’s just using me to bring glory to His name in a crazy way. I’m simply along for the ride.

Hey, God freaking raised Jesus from the dead. How could I think for even one moment that He couldn’t send me to Haiti? That’s like, insanely easy for Him.

Have a great Easter.

My Lame Lame-ness

I haven't posted since February?!?!? Goodness me, what is wrong with me? I'm very sorry for neglecting this blog. I'm not giving up on it by any means, I've just been really lazy these past few months. That's all going to change however, and the change is going to start on this blog.

Starting now through August, this blog is going to be transformed into your personal update center on my upcoming trip to Haiti. Yep, I'm leaving the country. Just today I got accepted for a mission trip with my church, and I couldn't be more excited. God has done some pretty insane stuff in my life, but honestly, nothing I've done so far took this much faith. If I'm going to be honest with you, I'm scared. I'm scared of not raising enough money, scared of going to an unfamiliar place, and scared that God might just change my life. But He's called me to it, and getting accepted was just another confirmation of this huge thing He wants me to do.

I'll be posting more and more details as I get farther along. For now, I would be honored to have your prayers. I'll be setting up an email list soon that you can sign up for if you'd like to get personal updates and a support letter. If not, I'll return to my weekly Friday posting this week, so you'll hear a lot from me either way. My fund raiser info will also have a separate page on the blog that you can order from. I'm going to try my hardest not to beg for money, but it's not easy raising $2,000. Any financial help you can give would be amazing.

My trip is July 6-15. Not much time to prepare my body and my heart, but I'm trusting that God is about to do crazy stuff in my life. We'll have to see where He takes me.

In The Aftermath

Didn't you all love the invisible post last week? What? You didn't see it? -_-

This past Tuesday was a day of love: either to love your significant other with cheep gifts, or to love hating the day because you're single...again. I think some people call it Valentines Day, and it's one of the more uncomfortable holidays. This was the very first year I actually had a "Valentine", as it were, so I got to see the other side of this holiday. I don't know where you are in life, single, in a relationship, married, or divorced, but there were a lot of things I observed this week that completely changed my outlook on February 14th.

The first one is that people in general are hungry. They're hungry for love and acceptance, someone to stand by their side no matter what. Hungry for someone to be their one and only, to cherish for as long as they live (or as long as their feelings last). The whole holiday seems to be a matter of trying to fill up the holes in your heart that God has intentionally placed there to be filled with the love of other people.

But in the excitement of it all, we often forget that the biggest hole in our hearts can never be filled by any person, no matter how much we love them. We are creations meant to be in a love relationship with our Creator, and no humanly love is ever going to satisfy that desire.

After the holiday was over, I had to take a breather. Something still didn't feel right, even though I'd spent the whole day with someone I loved. No, I'd neglected my first love, the love of my Father, and let me tell you, that's one relationship that will never break your heart.

He loves you like no other. He'll never leave you, EVER. There will never be anyone better than you in His eyes. He will always think you're beautiful, because He made you! If you're single right now, He'll be all that you need until the right person comes along. If you're married or in a relationship, He'll show you the kind of love you should be showing to your significant other. However you find yourself at the end of it all, He'll be there, and He still loves you.

It's a short blog this week, but I figured there'd be a lot of you who forgot why it is that you still feel empty. I just wanted to remind you that your Savior is waiting for you, and in His arms is the best place you can be. <3

Quackamuno

Have you ever made up a word? I have just now done that very thing. The word is "quackamuno" (cwak-ah-MOOn-O), and it means "to become a duck or show duck like behavior after consuming duck soup".

This week, I challenge you to use this word in your every day vocabulary, and let me know how it goes.

Examples:

Uncle Fred has gone quackamuno.

Doesn't that celebrity have a habit of quackamuno?

Quackamuno is fun to do with my friends.

A Premiere of Sorts

I’ve wanted to do a video series for a while now, but until now, I haven’t had a subject, a camera, or the proper editing tools at my disposal. With the purchase of my 3DS (with a handy dandy inward camera) and a brand new computer from my father, I finally have the means to create a video series! I’ve decided to name it “Questions I Would Like To Be Answered”, in which I more or less discuss and answer a question I have. I’ve decided to post one every month on the last Sunday. This video counts for this Sunday, by the way.

Before you watch it, please keep in mind that although I’m not new to video editing, I am new to this particular editing program, and not everything worked out exactly the way I wanted. I’ll be working to figure out this program as we go along, so I’m hoping the episodes will gradually get better. The camera on my 3DS isn’t super great, but you won’t be able to tell in this video. ;) Lastly, I love the song I picked to open this video, but I don’t think it’s a fitting theme song for me. If you know of a good song for the opening of this series, please let me know. Thanks! You guys rock!!

Problems and Answers

Empty.

I just feel empty. The things that filled me up are gone, and I can’t find anything to replace them with. The things I do have all seem so far away, too far to find the comfort I need. For three years now, I’ve tried to let people in. I’ve tried to love like I need to be loved in return, but I’ve been hurt too bad to truly let anyone into my heart.

I can count the people I trust and know really care about me on one hand. Most of them are more than an hour away from me. I’m just tired of trying to be alright. I’m tired of trying to act like everything’s fine. But mostly, I’m tired of being told it’s my fault. It wasn’t my choice to be where I am now! If I’d had any say in things, I’m sure I’d be in a very different place right now. The walls I’ve built around my heart are my fault, yes. I’ll admit to that. But I built them because of circumstances that had nothing to do with my decisions. I’m the one left cleaning up the mess made from other people’s actions, and I hate it. I’m told not to do this or that, because I’ll just make mistakes of my own. But I’d much rather be cleaning up my own mess than taking the heat for everybody else’s.

I just want to know what God’s doing. I know that in His perfect timing He’ll let me know what’s going on, but I feel so useless right now. I wonder if the world would really care if I disappeared. I wonder if I’ll ever make the impact I’ve always dreamed of making. My hopes and plans for the future all seem so out of reach right now.

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. But there’s this verse that keeps coming up in Ephesians that says, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” I don’t know about you, but I tend to imagine some pretty big things. And therefore, I tend to ask God for some pretty big things. My dreams are far from being small. I think that’s the reason why I end up being so down most of the time. I have so many things that I want to accomplish in my lifetime, and sometimes those things seem so big or so far out of reach that I get discouraged. But It says right here in this verse, that God is able to do all that and more! He knows that I want to do all this crazy stuff for Him, but He also knows exactly what He wants me to do for Him. I have been praying about making a big step in my life that I know will help me better serve God in the areas He’s gifted me in, and I know God’s been telling me to do it. I know He’s got something ginormous for me to get done, and I think it’s going to be soon.

I’m probably sounding silly, having such a small problem with such a big answer. An answer I already know at that. But you know what? Life is hard. I know it, I’m sure you know it, and I just wanted to say that I’ve been there too. God never said in that verse that it was going to be easy. All He said is that it’s by His power that we will bring Him glory. I hope that someday, I can look back on this time and say, “Wow, if only I’d known what God was about to do through me.”

Old Stuff

I have a bazillion Word files on my computer. Some of them have made the transition from one computer to another more than once. Some of them are kinda stupid, and some of them are important, like my English papers and my autobiography I had to write when I got my black belt. I was going through these, trying to find an unfinished document to work with and change into a nice blog post, but instead, I found a collection of my old poems. It was incredible to go through these, reliving the hurt and the thoughts going through me almost three years ago. One of the many benefits to being a writer is that…well…I write. I write out everything on my mind, especially when I’m sad. I was very sad when I wrote most of these poems, and although I don’t feel this way often anymore, they still accurately describe my inner most parts. Some of them I scribbled in a notebook or on some other scrap of paper before I eventually copied all of them on my computer.

Below are some of the best ones, with a few modifications (they are highly personal after all). Some of them are 100% true, while some of them are inspired by real events. All of them were written by me, so please don’t copy them without permission! With that said, enjoy this glance into my heart.

Prayer for a Friend
I’m so lonely God
It feels like there’s no one who wants to be my friend
There’s no one who’s even close to being like me
Someone I can talk to
Someone I can hang out with
Someone I can share things with
Lord, I’ve drawn closer to you since I’ve moved here
I thank you for that, for saving me from things much worse
For indeed I was headed down that path
But it’s tempting me again
I have no one to come along side me
To lift me up
To understand
I don’t care what they look like God
I don’t care what they’ve been through
If we can get along Lord, send me that person
So we can be there for each other
So we can help each other grow closer to you
Someone who doesn’t care about my faults
Or cares what I’m into
Who has the same passions I do
Lord, please
It’s so hard being here on my own
Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it
I’m not asking for much Lord
Not a whole youth group of friends
Just one person
Please Lord
Just one

Deathly Heartbroken
Sleeping alone has gotten so hard
Since the day you left me with no regard
For my soul or life we had
Together we were not so bad
If there could be one reason why
You left me hanging with a lowly sigh
You showed no remorse, regret or loss
Dripping wet with pain, my eyes are like smooth gloss
I cried so many nights for you
Lost so many tears, and what did you do?
You left me, forever and always
Not looking back, while your lover cries
What was the point of all this?
Was it to leave in the middle of wonderful bliss?
I thought you were the one
But now I’m entirely numb
With grief over the way you used me
I should have been the first to flee
From your deceptive grip
Your gentle lips
And most of all
Your overflowing gall
To do what you did to me
Sleeping alone has gotten so hard
Since the day you left me with no regard

6-24-09
I feel all alone
I wish I had someone to talk to
Someone who really cared and listened like they did
I wish I had someone to talk to
Without all the criticism and anger
I wish someone understood
And would always be there no matter what
I wish there was someone I couldn’t get grounded from
Who could know when I felt pain
Who could tell me they loved me
And help me to get back on the right path again
I wish such a person like this existed in the world
Because so far they’ve all let me down
They’ve proven themselves to be unfaithful
There are bigger problems than me in their eyes
There’s never enough time
I wish I had someone who had enough time
Who saw past all my imperfections and hurts
They’d say it’s O.K. and it made no difference
Because they loved me anyway I was
I wish that my foolish dreams could be let out
Without shame or regret
And someone could listen and understand it all
And then they’d get excited with me
We’d laugh about nothing at all
I hope I remember what laughter is
When this person comes into my life
I think I will because that’s what I live for
I live to give others the gift of laughter
And I want someone to understand this
The fact that I live for the joy laughter brings
They won’t think it’s stupid
Because all they want is to make me laugh too

Silent One
Silent one
How I wish I could hold you
Let you know it’s OK
Rejected too many times
By the ones you thought would care
It’s not true what they say
About life being easy for us
It’s the biggest lie they’ve ever told us
It causes us to look forward to this time
But when we arrive we discover the truth
Silent one
Don’t cry any longer
Your face may be dry
But inside your heart is drowning
Forgotten and lost
Abandoned and hurt
There’s still hope for you yet
If I had the bravery to come to you
I would, I promise
But I’m just as broken as you
Silent one
Hold on for just another day
Don’t give in to the pressure
Find that last bit of strength
And push through that day
That day you swore you’d end it all
An end to this pain in a bottle
It’s not what it seems
There’s so much more for you here
Lord, give me the strength
To reach that person
Silent one they may be

Stay Strong, Beloved
A beautiful moment of peace
Relieving you of all the hurt and trouble of this world
You know you must return to that dark place of suffering soon
My love, the time is now nearer than ever
But take heart, and don’t be afraid
Fight for what you believe in
Stay true to the faith
Watch, the darkness is even now filling this place
Illuminate that world
That world of distrust in everyone
Trust in nothing
Only in the One who created trust
When your closest companions turn to the ways of the evil one
Never give up
Never follow them to that place
They know not what they do
Indulging in intoxicating liquids to relax their mind
And forget about the world
Slowly falling apart all around them
Taking part in sweet love
Never knowing its real meaning
Don’t go there with them
The time has come for us to part
But hold back those tears of longing
It will never be the way we wish
But it will always be worth it
Goodbye beloved, and stay strong

7-11-09
I don’t understand those people
Those people that have it all together
Who are never in trouble
Who never feel the need to cry
I want to know why I can’t seem to get it right
Why everyone is always mad at me
Why am I so stupid?
It’s like it’s in my blood
No matter how hard I try
No matter what I do
Nothing ever changes
The world is a big place
But I feel I’m missing it
I’m afraid I’ll be stuck here forever
And I’ll never know what life is like
I’ll never know how it feels
To have someone cheer you on when you need help
I’ll never know how it feels
To really be loved with a love that takes action
I find comfort in listening to other people
To hear out their problems and hurts
Because I know what it’s like and much worse
To go through things you can’t pull through
But yet I’m still here
I’m still fighting this fight
When it’ll be over I don’t know
But I hope it ends soon
I’m not sure I can take much more
But there are people who need me
I can’t let them down
The greatest pain you can feel is being let down
I can’t let them down
Lord, help me


This last poem is perhaps the most special. I wrote it right after I re-dedicated my life to the Lord. I don’t remember the exact date, but I believe I was sixteen, so I’m guessing it was around the spring of 2010. The funny thing is, this poem was one of the last I wrote in my poem book, and I have a feeling it’s because I write poems when I’m sad. Maybe I’ll write in it again with my new feelings of joy.

Space to breath freely again
Space to breath freely again
No more trying, only doing
No more wanting, only having
For the first time I feel truly free
I can breathe on my own
I can see the reason
This is my new start
I’m doing it again
Rededicate myself to you
All of it this time
Everything I hid before
All the things I thought I could never overcome
Yet here I am
They are no longer a part of me
They don’t control me!
I don’t need them
I’m joyful, changed, forgiven

That's Offensive

I listen to a very interesting DJ on Air 1 every afternoon. By interesting I mean having unusual and bold beliefs. Hardly a day goes by where he doesn’t leave me pondering my faith in a way I never thought of before. I wouldn’t say I totally agree with everything he says, but none if it is wrong, I just wouldn’t stand behind it as strongly as he does. The other day, however, he sad something that I not only agreed with whole-heartedly, but that can apply to something in my life that’s been bothering me.

I don’t remember the story exactly, but basically he said that Christians shouldn’t be easily offended. People are always fighting over religious matters because they’re “offended”, have you noticed this? Especially around Christmas time. People are offended if you do or do not have a Christmas tree. They argue about Christmas lights. They even get into heated debates on celebrating Christmas at all. I love Christmas, and the right and wrong things about the holiday could fill a book, so I’ll not talk about it now. But the main point is, we are offended by the things other people do that we don’t necessarily agree with.

I’m one of those people that don’t really care about the things people do. If you want to have a Christmas tree, fine. If you like turkey over ham, fine. If you despise bacon, not fine. But it’s your life, not mine. When it comes to my faith, I’ll definitely stand for what I believe in, but I won’t force you to follow in my path. I’m not going to make you read the bible or go to church or pray. I’ll simply make sure I’m faithfully doing these things in my own life, and letting them positively effect the way I live my life and the way I treat you. It’s living by example rather than by force.

But back to the whole offended thing…Christmas is an awesome holiday for sure, but I always despise when it comes time to get together with the family, and I know I’m not the only one. I’m looked down on because I’m home schooled, because I’m not in college and don’t intend on going anytime soon, because I’m not super fit, and even because of my faith. I can feel my inferiority the second I walk into the door. I know none of these things are worth being bothered about, but still, it hurt to be treated like I’m not good enough, that my relatives are better than me because they do this and I don’t, and my years and years of spiritual upbringing aren’t as important as my education. I hate it.

Read my words again: aren’t I being easily offended? All of these things have benefits that far outweigh the things I don’t have. My schooling, for example. My awesome mother not only stayed home with me and my siblings for many years to school us, but now she works and takes the time to home school us because she wants us to be brought up without the pollution of the world. Nothing is wrong with public school kids, I know quite a few incredible people that were or are public schooled. But I personally would not have survived it there. I give in easily to pressure, I have an obsessive personality, and I’m curious. Just these things alone would have gotten me into so much trouble before I reached eighth grade. Instead, because of my mom’s choice to love her children more than her career or money, I’m being taught to use my flaws for God’s glory, to be easily pressured to love Him more, to obsess over Him, and to be so curious about Him that I learn more about His love everyday.

Never, never should I feel hurt because someone doesn’t approve of my faith. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone I love or someone I hate, I should never be ashamed of the Lord. I should never be offended because someone says something not so nice about my faith. Was Jesus offended when the people spat on him as he carried his cross up the mountain? When the people he was about to save called him names and kicked mud in his face, did he say to them, “I don’t like that, would you please take your anti-religious beliefs elsewhere?” No, he kept going, and as he was dying, he cried out to his Father to forgive them. That is the ultimate example that we should follow. When people don’t accept me because I pray before my meal, or because I refuse to engage in pre-marital sex, or because I care about the well being of others more than myself, I shouldn’t let it get to me. I shouldn’t hold it against them, and I should definitely not let it bother me. I’m not ashamed of Jesus Christ, and I hope you make this choice with me. It’s not the popular thing to do, but it’s definitely how we as Christians should be conducting ourselves.

I don’t give a dookey about what anyone else thinks.

Fifty Things

I always like to know stuff about people I spend my time on or with, so if you’re anything like me, this blog is for you. It’s a list of fifty completely random, off the top of my head things about me that you may or may not know. I’m sure all of you know number two, but I threw it in there anyways. At the end of the list is the first ever video of me doing….I don’t know what I’m doing. I guess you’ll find out more about me in the video too. It’s more of a test to see if videos will work on my blog. -_-

1. I really like cookies.
2. Skillet is my favorite band. Like, of all time.
3. I have a love/hate relationship with the words, “Seth Morrison”.
4. My old youth leader’s name is Barry.
5. I like pink and black together.
6. If I was a video game character, I would have the biggest crush on Link.
7. I listen to Justin Beiber on occasion.
8. I bite my fingernails, and sometimes past my fingernails.
9. My hair has had purple, blue, green, red, pink, orange, and blonde streaks.
10. I am NOT single.
11. I like boxes, you can put stuff in them.
12. The first letters of my top friend’s names spell T.R.W.C.H.C.
13. That last sentence was extremely hard to get grammatically correct.
14. My favorite song of all time is either Savior or Rebirthing (iTunes Session) by Skillet.
15. I wear glasses, but I take them off for almost every picture.
16. I will never buy a Mac, I am a PC.
17. There is a whole drawer in my desk filled with little items and papers that hold some sort of sentimental value.
18. I have a Wii, a GameCube, and a 3DS.
19. I crack my index and middle finger knuckles.
20. I pace when I’m nervous.
21. I have a horrible blushing problem.
22. I love dancing, but I never do it in public unless it’s a contra dance or a waltz.
23. Oh yeah, I’m an accomplished waltzer.
24. The first song I ever learned on the piano was The Muffin Man.
25. I’m lactose intolerant, but I have cheese sometimes anyway.
26. I love Dr. Pepper.
27. I also love coffee.
28. My favorite coffee is a peppermint frappichino from Starbucks.
29. I secretly like when dudes wear make up.
30. I value personality over looks.
31. I love people in wheelchairs, they are awesome.
32. I hate when I’m typing and I accidentally hit the “insert” button instead of the “backspace” button.
33. I used to have really short hair.
34. I was a tomboy from age 9-ish to age 14.
35. Someday, I’m going to look John Cooper straight in the eye and say, “I am a peanut”.
36. Brown hair is awesome.
37. I have nothing against people who don’t have brown hair.
38. I am currently listening to Hero by Skillet.
39. If you are still reading this, you are weird.
40. I love Mexican food.
41. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
42. I have a friend who’s a missionary in Russia.
43. Besides Jesus and my parents, my biggest role model is Ben Kasica.
44. I’ve worn glasses since I was five. (Except for one year when I wore contacts and the following year when I refused to wear my glasses.)
45. I like hugs.
46. My favorite movie is Pride & Prejudice.
47. I scared my sister just now because I popped a balloon.
48. When I sing, I kiss my microphone, like, seriously make out with it.
49. I never used to like games where you shoot things until this week.
50. Biology is the stupidest subject ever.

Merry Christmas!

There will be no blog today as it is a holiday weekend, a very important holiday weekend. I hope you all have a good Christmas!

Love,
Selena

September 2012

I have been known to wait until the last minute to write my blogs. This means they usually get written on Thursday night or Friday morning, but today, I'm really cutting it close here. At this moment in time, it is 11:19am, and I have just started my blog. I think I need to get on a schedule.

My last minute topic is...SKILLET! What else can I write an entire page of information on in less than thirty minutes anyway? More specifically, I want to address Skillet's new album, not Awake, but the new album set to release late summer of 2012. Such a painfully long time to wait for new Skillet music, especially with Awake being such a disappointment to me and many other Panheads.

Now, Awake wasn't a bad album. It just wasn't the album we were all waiting for and expecting. If you know your Skillet history, Skillet officially became a rock band after they released Collide in 2003. All the albums before then were either more electronic or softer rock. After Collide came Comatose in 2006, and in my opinion, this is the album that made Skillet so popular, both in the secular and Christian genres. It's definitely my favorite album, with songs like Rebirthing and Whispers In The Dark rocking my face off. This was the album Skillet was promoting when I became a really obsessive Panhead. I listened to Skillet for a long time, but Comatose was the album for me. It was the first Skillet record I ever bought, and I loved it to death. I love Collide as well, but Comatose was different and awesome in it's own unique way. I don't think there will ever be another album as awesome as Comatose.

When they announced the new album in 2008, I freaked out. By this time, I owned almost all of the Skillet CDs you could buy, blasted them in my room on a daily basis, and had my own handmade poster of them in my room. Some people in my church even called me Skillet instead of Selena. I followed the production of this album like bankers watch their stocks. I ate up the little bits and pieces of the new album that they allowed to be released on the podcast. It was so exciting for me.

You can imagine that when August 2009 finally came around, and Awake finally hit the stores, I was very excited. I had actually already listened to all but two of the songs on the new album, but they were low quality anyways, and I needed a CD copy of this record to add to my collection. I bought it the day after it came out (only because my dad refused to take me on the day it came out), and immediately put it to my harsh tests.

It was a major disappointment. Were the songs bad? Only a couple. Was it what I had expected? Not at all. I knew Skillet by now, and I was expecting something harder, something fresher, not this pop stuff. But still, I listened to it until I had every lyric, guitar solo, and drum beat memorized. It was going to be a long time until I had anything new anyways.

So Awake let me down. I went into a period in my life I like to call my most un-Panhead days since I was 12. Skillet was even not my favorite band for a short while there. But talk of the next album drew me back. I was riding on the hope that maybe John Cooper would come to his senses and realize that the Panheads wanted something different. In the interviews talking about the next album, he does mention that he wants to go back to the Collide era, which is Skillet talk for harder rock. This has given me great joy in my heart. This is what I was hoping for with Awake.

Another thing that has inspired me to hold on to my favorite band a little longer is Seth Morrison. I will miss Ben Kasica very much on this next album, but Seth's guitar playing is a little different than Ben's, more crunchy and less classical. I'm sure his influence on the new record will bring a welcome change.

That's about it. I'm going to buckle down for the next nine months or so, not let myself get too excited, and hope for a Collide like album. Skillet, please don't let me down again. I'm trusting you.

It is now 11:42am. I'm pretty good. B)

Waste Of Time

This is my 100th blog. Yay, fanfare. Okay, fanfare's over.

Have you ever been thoroughly annoyed? Completely, entirely, and surely annoyed about something? Then you know how I feel about my generation. I don't know why my generation's parents even bothered to have us. We're a waste of time and money.

I'm specifically referring to the 16-25 year olds who come into In-N-Out on the weekends with their friends. This is when you can truly see them at their best, and I don't like what I see. If you think about it, the girls are all the same, and the guys are all the same. The girls are all worried about their physical image; what the guys think of them, what will or won't make them fat, and what the other judgmental freaks in their social circles think of them. The guys...are checking out the girls. So maybe the girls have a right to be constantly worried about the outside!

There's a lack of personality in my generation. No one stands out from everyone else because everyone else is trying to be like everyone else! It's called fashion, and you can observe this a little more easily at the mall (my local mall happens to be called Fashion Fair). All the guys have their pants hanging off their rears, which is something I despise, guys. It's not attractive in the slightest, unless you consider me wanting to barf a desirable reaction. The girls aren't any better, with their short shorts in the middle of December and their shirts unbuttoned to their navels. All of them have a horrible vocabulary, because they can't even get through a sentence without a profanity.

What is wrong with us? When are we going to wake up and realize that life isn't about what “they” think of you? When are we going to realize that forty years from now, our bodies are going to be less than perfect, no matter how much work we put into it now? I have always valued personality over looks. I would rather be friends with the quiet girl who can make me laugh and has something interesting about her, like a specific talent or passion, than the popular girl who would give me a once over before completely ignoring me because I'm not her “type”.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. But let me tell you, I have been rejected many times in my life, sometimes multiple times by the same girl or guy, based on my outward appearance alone. It used to really hurt when I was considered unworthy for them because I wear all black or because I prefer to play my guitar over keeping up with the next big thing. But if someone doesn't want to take the time to get to know me because they don't like what they see, then would that friendship have been worth it? I don't think I want to invest my time and emotions into someone like that. Nowadays, if someone declines my acquaintance based on the outside alone, I come to the conclusion that they wouldn't have been worth it anyways. Nothing was lost.

If I were to put my closest friends in a room together and asked you to observe them, at first glance, you would think they were crazy. Most of them are quiet, but all of them can make me laugh. They aren't perfect, but they're all extremely talented at something. And they all have the thing I value most in relationships: they care. I would rather have one friend who truly cares about me than fifty of those under-dressed girls at In-N-Out. They're hard to find, but let me tell you, when you find one, you better treasure them more than anything else, because they're hard to come buy.

If you're one of my friends, thanks for being so awesome. Thanks for dealing with my speech issues and my obsessive personality. Thanks for understanding when I blast Skillet in my room at midnight. And most of all, thanks for being there for me. You rock.

VHNNNNNNNNNNhscxgjrn (Because I'm in a hurry)

I spent most of my life up until I was fourteen as a tomboy. I only spent a few of those years as a serious one, but I wasn't by any means your typical girl. I have never been girly, and I'm not girly now. I don't intend to ever be girly. But one girly trait I've always had is a love for shoes. I love shopping for shoes, I love buying shoes, I love looking at shoes, anything that has to do with shoes I will do and probably love. I'm not picky about my shoes either. The only type of shoe I don't wear are running shoes, unless I'm running of course.

I'm not wealthy, so my shoe collection is not anywhere near what I'd like it to be, but following is a list of all the shoes in my closet and any back story they may have, for example, if I wore them to any place special or if they carry any specific memory. Why am I doing this? I don't know, I love shoes I guess.


My Vans slip-ons I wear the most right now. They're fairly new, I got them from my awesome friend Katie because she loves shoes too and is always making room for more. Lucky for me, I'm only a half size smaller than her, so I get lot's of hand-me-downs.


Ahh, my Eskimo boots. What girl doesn't own a pair of these? I also have two other pairs in black, but these are my nicer ones I wear to Christmas parties and the like.


A basic pair of flats. They're kinda....flat. I think it's been a while since I've worn them.



Another former Katie shoe, my sorry excuse for Converse. I think the actual brand is OP, for some reason I haven't made it over to the Converse store to get me a good pair of my favorite shoe. Oh well, these will do for now.



My running shoes, which I ONLY wear while running mind you. I don't know why it bothers me so much when people wear their running shoes while they're not running.


These aren't Converse either, sadly. (Are any of you getting good Christmas ideas for me? I like all colors!) These shoes used to be my every day shoes before I ripped them on one of those big heavy bathroom doors. Now I only wear them to concerts, including my very first Skillet concert. They are actually boy shoes, the women's sizes didn't go small enough.


Katie gave these to me as well. I only wore them once because they're a little big, but I need to wear them more, they're so cute.


THESE! I have worn these shoes so much, as you can probably tell. I wanted a pair of these in all black, but they only had my size in the white and black, so I had to settle for that. The small feet curse I guess. My friend Wednesday bought me purple shoe laces for them after my hair dying accident. We had a bit of an issue while trying to dye my hair purple with not getting it all over her mom's sink, so she made me get into the shower fully dressed to wash it out. I was freaking out because I didn't want to get any in my eyes, otherwise I might have had time to at least remove my shoes. So my hair matched my shoes for a while.


I don't know why I have these. I don't even wear them.......


Well, you know. I need something to wear in the 100 degree weather, and there's no way I'm putting socks on to go places.


These are my first pair of high heels. I learned a lot while wearing them, like taking smaller steps and letting the guys carry your keyboard for you. (What was I thinking trying to lug that thing around in these?) You should also be ready to laugh it off when you fall, because you will fall, or at least have a bad trip. Ha, Haha. Bad trip.


Once I got used to walking in heels, I was ready to take the next step. These are considerably easier to walk in than my first pair, I'm guessing because they're closed. I even danced in these at my friend's wedding. And come on, look at them! They're like, totally awesome.


I've never worn these either. I don't think I ever will. But how can I bring myself to get rid of a perfectly good pair of shoes?


My military boots. I wore these to a 1940s party with a green military dress. It was so much fun. I wear them with my jeans now when I feel like being a rockstar.

That's pretty much all of them. There's other pairs, like a very old pair of flip-flops and another pair of running shoes. But yeah.

For Christmas, I'm hoping on getting a real pair of Converse hi-tops and Converse All Stars, the hi-tops in black and the All Stars in bright green. I wear size 7 ½ or 8. Just throwing that out there. ;)

Hebrews Chapter Twelve and Thirteen: Therefore...

Six days. Six until I turn eighteen. That's crazy to say the least. Who cares about the birthday though really? It's all about the gifts isn't it? What am I looking forward to this holiday season? Money! Video games! Instruments! I've already received a lot of my presents, but still, maybe someone will kick down some extra cash if I look extra cute? You never know. On Sunday, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword comes out, and even though I'm not allowed to play it until my birthday, I'm getting it as a gift from my dad. However, I need Wii motion plus to play it, and for some reason my dad refuses to listen when I try to explain that fact to him. He says, “You don't need the fancy remote” and I'm like, “Dad, it's not a fancy remote. It's a required piece of equipment.” Oh well. I'll have birthday money.

Today we finish Hebrews! It's been awesome doing this study with you three people who read. You guys rock. I'm doing chapters twelve and thirteen today so I have next Friday open for a special blog. Are you ready? Here we go:

Chapter 12

1-3 “Such a great cloud of witnesses.” It's a blessing to have so many examples of people that have run the race before us. If you don't remember who these people are, you can review my list in chapter eleven's study. Their lives were recorded for us so we would know how to respond and take action against the hardships of the world. We are to throw off sin and everything that hinders us in the race toward Jesus. Throw off sin, don't just do it less or try to get rid of it. Far be it from us! Throw the retched sin away! We should have nothing to do with that as we fix our eyes on the one who gave us a way to overcome it. Remember the opposition he faced here on earth, how he endured our sin already for us, so that way you don't give up and get tired of running. It's a lot easier to run a race if you know you've already won.

4-11 It's kinda scary to think that God disciplines us. But just like our earthy fathers have to give us a groundation now and then, God has to let us know that we're following the wrong path sometimes. It's not because He's angry with us, or because He's disappointed. It's because He loves us so much and doesn't want to see us messing up our lives. He does it because He desires to be close to us, and we can't be close to God with sin in our lives now can we? God's discipline makes us into better people that can do bigger and better things for God. If you accept and heed God's instruction, you'll grow tremendously in your faith, because your chances of making the same mistakes again have significantly lowered.

12-13 Therefore, we need to get ourselves in shape. We need to make sure we're following God by heading His correction, so the people around us who might not be saved or are not as mature in their faith can see us and be encouraged, not weakened. Be a good example.

14-17 We need to live at peace with everybody, and be good witnesses to those around us, saved or not saved. We need to look out for each other to make sure none of our brothers or sisters are doing things they shouldn't be doing. Esau is used as an example here. If we're careless and do things out of impulse, we might loose something important, perhaps the salvation of a friend or the opportunity to help someone overcome sin. We can't get certain moments back once they're gone.

18-24 The first part of this passage describes what going to God was like back in Moses' day. God basically lived on the top of this fiery mountain and spoke with a voice so terrifying, that the people begged Him to stop. But He's different now. The angels are rejoicing around Him. He's become the righteous judge, and I don't know about you, but if I've been completely washed clean of all guilt, I wouldn't be very afraid of judgment. We come to Jesus, who made it possible for things to change, for the law to be fulfilled, for the awesome way things are now.

25-27 God has an intense voice. He shook the whole earth with His voice, and soon He's going to shake both heaven and earth, leaving nothing but that which cannot be shaken. I think this is a picture of the new heaven and earth. He's showing us that what we have now is temporary. It's all going to be destroyed by the sound of His voice. But we, His children, are going to inherit that which can never be shaken, eternal life.

28-29 God's giving us a permanent, truly secure home someday, and we should be praising Him for that! Things may be a little unstable right now, but someday we're going to be so incredibly stable that nothing can move us. Let us praise our God, who is a consuming fire.

Chapter 13

1-3 Don't go looking for angels around every corner, but be aware that they're out there. Be nice to your fellow Christians no matter what, but be extra nice and consider that things aren't always as they seem. God might send someone to you without them even knowing it to help you with something in your life. I can think of at least a couple of people in my own life that God's sent to me to encourage me and help me get through things. I know they're just normal people, but I would definitely consider them to be angels. :)

4-6 There's two important things to take note of here. The first is to keep the marriage bed pure. This means saving sex for marriage, not mocking the gift of sex once you are married, and encouraging your brothers and sisters to do the same. Sex is an incredibly sacred thing that should never be viewed lightly. The second thing is not to love money, because God is more than enough for us. We shouldn't seek after material possessions that can be taken away from us. Rather we should seek after God, who has promised never to leave us. We can say with confidence that God is our helper because of this promise. Man can't do anything to us.

7-8 We should look to the people above us that have taught us the word: our parents, our pastors, or older friends, and imitate their faith based on the outcome of their lives. If you see someone who is strong in their walk with the Lord, you should watch them closely and try to live your life the same way. If you don't have anyone around you like that, Jesus was a perfect example. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever, so what worked for Christians thousands of years ago will work for you. God's not going to change things up on us.

9-10 We need to understand that we aren't saved by things or religion. We're saved by grace, and therefore we shouldn't get carried away with all this extra stuff. Confession doesn't save us, baptism doesn't save us, communion doesn't save us, being vegetarian doesn't save us. I might be stepping on a few toes by saying that, but it's true. It's not by our strength. Jesus is the only one that can save us.

11-14 When the priests offered sacrifices, they always took the gross nasty body of the animal they killed outside the city gates to burn it. It was considered unclean because of the sin that it had died for. Jesus did the same thing, he took our sin and shame for us. We humble ourselves when we come to the cross, because we admit that we're too dirty to show ourselves elsewhere. He understands, because he had to carry out the same procedure. How amazing it is to have a Savior who understands!

15-17 Always praise God, no matter what. He deserves praise. Always think higher of others than yourself. Obey the leaders God has placed in authority over you, because God judges them according to the way you turn out. If you have a youth leader who pours his life into you, and you mock him by not taking him seriously, there's a much worse outcome than you would expect. God given authority is an incredible responsibility, and by being submissive, we can make their job a little easier.

18-21 The writer asks for prayer here, and uplifts by asking the Lord to strengthen His people to do His will. We should pray for each other in the same way, asking God to give our brothers and sisters strength to carry out the will of God. I love when people pray for me. I know when people pray for me, is crazy. If you ever need prayer, don't hesitate to let me know. We should take joy in lifting up each other's needs to the Father.

22-25 Annnnnnnnd the letter of Hebrews has been concluded. I don't know about you, but that was not a short letter. It felt like forever and a day long. I'm kidding, it was amazing. Thanks for reading! Come back next Friday for my very first blog as an adult! :D Have an awesomely fantastical day!

Hebrews Chapter Eleven: Faith (No Imagination...)

It's cold, it's raining, my amazing mom made me oatmeal, and now I get to sit by the window and write. Afterward, I'm going to do school, and then I have my choice of playing on my Wii, on my GameCube, or on my 3DS. Life doesn't get much better than this.

The faith chapter, chapter eleven of Hebrews, is one of my favorites. All the people mentioned in this chapter had the same God and the same faith as we do. All of them had faith in their salvation. All of them had faith that God would do exactly as he promised, and all of them had faith in the heavenly home God has promised.

As much as I would like to do mini rants about each individual in this chapter, I'm going to turn the tables on you this time around. Instead of going through the chapter like I normally do, I'm only going to list the different people, situations, and where you can find the original story in the bible. You are more than welcome to print this list out for reference. What I want you to do as you read this chapter is ponder each thing these people did. Go back and read the stories if you have time, and try to relate to them as much as possible. Would you have done what they did? Have you found yourself in the same situations? Can you make such drastic choices or actions based on faith alone? When you're done, I would love for you to describe anything God showed you in the comments. Have fun!

Creation of the Universe: Genesis 1

Cain and Abel: Genesis 4:1-16

Enoch: Genesis 5:21-24

Noah: Genesis 6-8

Abraham in a Foreign Country: Genesis 12:1-9

Abraham's Descendents: Genesis 15:1-6

Abraham and Issac: Genesis 22:1-18

Issac, Jacob, and Esau: Genesis 27:1-40

Jacob and Joseph's Sons: Genesis 49:22-26

Joseph Near Death: Genesis 50:24-25

Moses' Parents: Genesis 2:1-2

Moses Mistreated: Genesis 4:18

Moses Leaving Egypt: Genesis 12:42

Moses and the Passover: 12:1-28

The Red Sea: Genesis 14:5-31

Jericho: Joshua 6:1-21

Rahab: Joshua 2:1-16, 6:22-25

Have an awesome weekend!

Hebrews Chapter Ten: November!

I like the month of November. Here in my area of residence, it's finally beginning to get cold. People are walking around all bundled up. The anticipation of the holidays is building, and something in the air smells like happiness. Of course for me, it also means my birthday, and this year, I will be turning eighteen. I know, you know already right? Moving on. My family just received a new computer from a friend of my grandma's, and it's so weird! I haven't used it yet. The keyboard is actually in front of the screen, and it's this grey-ish color...and it's dirty. Hmm.

Hebrews ten and eleven are the longest chapters in the book, so expect lots of rambling in the next two blogs. I will be doing chapters twelve and thirteen in the same blog, so that means we only have three weeks left of Hebrews! It feels like my blog has been nothing but Hebrews for a very long time, but it was worth it. I've learned so much by publicly sharing my notes with you guys, and it's my prayer that you've also gained a deeper understanding of the greatness of belonging to God.

1-4 I mentioned earlier in this study that my family used to belong to a religion that put at lot of stock into keeping the law. The certain one that my family was involved with, however, is not the only religion that teaches that you will be judged according to how well you keep the law. Many people believe that being good and doing more right instead of wrong will get you into heaven. This is clearly not the case. If it was, the people in the old testament wouldn't have needed to offer sacrifices all the time. For if it was, they would have been made perfect with the first sacrifice, and guilt for sins and sin itself would have vanished. The law is not a means by which we can be saved, it is only a reminder that we sin. It acts like a mirror, showing us what we're doing wrong.

5-10 By following the will of his Father and dying on the cross, Jesus gave the Lord what he truly desired: A complete removal of sin and the old ways. Although they were required by the law, offerings of animal flesh didn't please the Lord, There was something more he wanted to accomplish with his relationship to His people, and it wasn't happening with the old way of doing things. With the help of Jesus, we have been made holy and perfect enough for us to have the connection with God He desires to have with us.

11-18 I kinda feel sorry for the priests, repeating the same act that could never save the people, only keep God among them for a limited period of time. But he had nothing to worry about with Jesus on the way. Jesus took care of the whole thing for eternity. Forever we are covered by his blood. There won't ever be a need for us to worry about our sin separating us from God! I love verse 16, where the Lord says, “I will put my law in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” It's like He's saying that we have the ability to keep the law now, because we have Jesus who took away all our offenses against it. We are forgiven! And if we have been forgiven, there is no longer any need to pay for our wrongs. YES! HE'S AWESOME, ISN'T HE?!?!?

19-25 I almost don't want to say anything about this part, because it clearly gives us instructions about what we should do now that we belong to Christ. We shouldn't be afraid to draw near to God, for we have been made clean. We should hold on to the hope we profess, for the one who promised it is faithful. We should encourage each other to do good things. We should meet with each other and and encourage each other as the day of the Lord's returning draws closer.

26-31 All this stuff about being freed from sin and having to keep the law to be able to enter into the presence of God is wonderful, but does this give us an excuse to do whatever we want? Under no circumstances should we keep on sinning after we have received forgiveness for the things we've already done. In Moses' day, when someone broke the law, he was punished severely for his actions. Someone who sins against God after he's already done so much for us should be punished even worse! It's unthinkable to take the act of Jesus on the cross and throw it back in his face by continuing to sin after we've received his gift. I wouldn't want to receive punishment from God almighty for sure.

32-34 When the Christians were persecuted for their faith, they didn't mind because they had something much better than anything here on earth. They had the promise of heaven and eternal riches that no one could take away from them. The gift of salvation was so great to them, that no amount of suffering could make them loose hope.

35-39 We should be like those Christians, looking forward to the return of Christ and not shrinking back. We live by faith, knowing that God will do as He promised. We have the knowledge of the things He's done for us, and the horrible things He's set us free from. That should be more than enough motivation for anyone to keep pushing through.

Second longest chapter DONE! Next week will be the longest chapter, but probably the one that takes the least explaining. Make sure you keep reading, I have a surprise starting the week after I finish this book. It's a reward of sorts for the faithful readers who stuck with me during this first attempt at doing a bible study. It's so weird, but it's going to be great.

Now go out and do something useful! Please! You must have so much free time if you've made it this far!