The Sckpanhead Blog

A Premiere of Sorts

2012-01-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve wanted to do a video series for a while now, but until now, I haven’t had a subject, a camera, or the proper editing tools at my disposal. With the purchase of my 3DS (with a handy dandy inward camera) and a brand new computer from my father, I finally have the means to create a video series! I’ve decided to name it “Questions I Would Like To Be Answered”, in which I more or less discuss and answer a question I have. I’ve decided to post one every month on the last Sunday. This video counts for this Sunday, by the way.

Before you watch it, please keep in mind that although I’m not new to video editing, I am new to this particular editing program, and not everything worked out exactly the way I wanted. I’ll be working to figure out this program as we go along, so I’m hoping the episodes will gradually get better. The camera on my 3DS isn’t super great, but you won’t be able to tell in this video. ;) Lastly, I love the song I picked to open this video, but I don’t think it’s a fitting theme song for me. If you know of a good song for the opening of this series, please let me know. Thanks! You guys rock!!

Problems and Answers

2012-01-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

Empty.

I just feel empty. The things that filled me up are gone, and I can’t find anything to replace them with. The things I do have all seem so far away, too far to find the comfort I need. For three years now, I’ve tried to let people in. I’ve tried to love like I need to be loved in return, but I’ve been hurt too bad to truly let anyone into my heart.

I can count the people I trust and know really care about me on one hand. Most of them are more than an hour away from me. I’m just tired of trying to be alright. I’m tired of trying to act like everything’s fine. But mostly, I’m tired of being told it’s my fault. It wasn’t my choice to be where I am now! If I’d had any say in things, I’m sure I’d be in a very different place right now. The walls I’ve built around my heart are my fault, yes. I’ll admit to that. But I built them because of circumstances that had nothing to do with my decisions. I’m the one left cleaning up the mess made from other people’s actions, and I hate it. I’m told not to do this or that, because I’ll just make mistakes of my own. But I’d much rather be cleaning up my own mess than taking the heat for everybody else’s.

I just want to know what God’s doing. I know that in His perfect timing He’ll let me know what’s going on, but I feel so useless right now. I wonder if the world would really care if I disappeared. I wonder if I’ll ever make the impact I’ve always dreamed of making. My hopes and plans for the future all seem so out of reach right now.

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. But there’s this verse that keeps coming up in Ephesians that says, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” I don’t know about you, but I tend to imagine some pretty big things. And therefore, I tend to ask God for some pretty big things. My dreams are far from being small. I think that’s the reason why I end up being so down most of the time. I have so many things that I want to accomplish in my lifetime, and sometimes those things seem so big or so far out of reach that I get discouraged. But It says right here in this verse, that God is able to do all that and more! He knows that I want to do all this crazy stuff for Him, but He also knows exactly what He wants me to do for Him. I have been praying about making a big step in my life that I know will help me better serve God in the areas He’s gifted me in, and I know God’s been telling me to do it. I know He’s got something ginormous for me to get done, and I think it’s going to be soon.

I’m probably sounding silly, having such a small problem with such a big answer. An answer I already know at that. But you know what? Life is hard. I know it, I’m sure you know it, and I just wanted to say that I’ve been there too. God never said in that verse that it was going to be easy. All He said is that it’s by His power that we will bring Him glory. I hope that someday, I can look back on this time and say, “Wow, if only I’d known what God was about to do through me.”

Old Stuff

2012-01-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

I have a bazillion Word files on my computer. Some of them have made the transition from one computer to another more than once. Some of them are kinda stupid, and some of them are important, like my English papers and my autobiography I had to write when I got my black belt. I was going through these, trying to find an unfinished document to work with and change into a nice blog post, but instead, I found a collection of my old poems. It was incredible to go through these, reliving the hurt and the thoughts going through me almost three years ago. One of the many benefits to being a writer is that…well…I write. I write out everything on my mind, especially when I’m sad. I was very sad when I wrote most of these poems, and although I don’t feel this way often anymore, they still accurately describe my inner most parts. Some of them I scribbled in a notebook or on some other scrap of paper before I eventually copied all of them on my computer.

Below are some of the best ones, with a few modifications (they are highly personal after all). Some of them are 100% true, while some of them are inspired by real events. All of them were written by me, so please don’t copy them without permission! With that said, enjoy this glance into my heart.

Prayer for a Friend
I’m so lonely God
It feels like there’s no one who wants to be my friend
There’s no one who’s even close to being like me
Someone I can talk to
Someone I can hang out with
Someone I can share things with
Lord, I’ve drawn closer to you since I’ve moved here
I thank you for that, for saving me from things much worse
For indeed I was headed down that path
But it’s tempting me again
I have no one to come along side me
To lift me up
To understand
I don’t care what they look like God
I don’t care what they’ve been through
If we can get along Lord, send me that person
So we can be there for each other
So we can help each other grow closer to you
Someone who doesn’t care about my faults
Or cares what I’m into
Who has the same passions I do
Lord, please
It’s so hard being here on my own
Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it
I’m not asking for much Lord
Not a whole youth group of friends
Just one person
Please Lord
Just one

Deathly Heartbroken
Sleeping alone has gotten so hard
Since the day you left me with no regard
For my soul or life we had
Together we were not so bad
If there could be one reason why
You left me hanging with a lowly sigh
You showed no remorse, regret or loss
Dripping wet with pain, my eyes are like smooth gloss
I cried so many nights for you
Lost so many tears, and what did you do?
You left me, forever and always
Not looking back, while your lover cries
What was the point of all this?
Was it to leave in the middle of wonderful bliss?
I thought you were the one
But now I’m entirely numb
With grief over the way you used me
I should have been the first to flee
From your deceptive grip
Your gentle lips
And most of all
Your overflowing gall
To do what you did to me
Sleeping alone has gotten so hard
Since the day you left me with no regard

6-24-09
I feel all alone
I wish I had someone to talk to
Someone who really cared and listened like they did
I wish I had someone to talk to
Without all the criticism and anger
I wish someone understood
And would always be there no matter what
I wish there was someone I couldn’t get grounded from
Who could know when I felt pain
Who could tell me they loved me
And help me to get back on the right path again
I wish such a person like this existed in the world
Because so far they’ve all let me down
They’ve proven themselves to be unfaithful
There are bigger problems than me in their eyes
There’s never enough time
I wish I had someone who had enough time
Who saw past all my imperfections and hurts
They’d say it’s O.K. and it made no difference
Because they loved me anyway I was
I wish that my foolish dreams could be let out
Without shame or regret
And someone could listen and understand it all
And then they’d get excited with me
We’d laugh about nothing at all
I hope I remember what laughter is
When this person comes into my life
I think I will because that’s what I live for
I live to give others the gift of laughter
And I want someone to understand this
The fact that I live for the joy laughter brings
They won’t think it’s stupid
Because all they want is to make me laugh too

Silent One
Silent one
How I wish I could hold you
Let you know it’s OK
Rejected too many times
By the ones you thought would care
It’s not true what they say
About life being easy for us
It’s the biggest lie they’ve ever told us
It causes us to look forward to this time
But when we arrive we discover the truth
Silent one
Don’t cry any longer
Your face may be dry
But inside your heart is drowning
Forgotten and lost
Abandoned and hurt
There’s still hope for you yet
If I had the bravery to come to you
I would, I promise
But I’m just as broken as you
Silent one
Hold on for just another day
Don’t give in to the pressure
Find that last bit of strength
And push through that day
That day you swore you’d end it all
An end to this pain in a bottle
It’s not what it seems
There’s so much more for you here
Lord, give me the strength
To reach that person
Silent one they may be

Stay Strong, Beloved
A beautiful moment of peace
Relieving you of all the hurt and trouble of this world
You know you must return to that dark place of suffering soon
My love, the time is now nearer than ever
But take heart, and don’t be afraid
Fight for what you believe in
Stay true to the faith
Watch, the darkness is even now filling this place
Illuminate that world
That world of distrust in everyone
Trust in nothing
Only in the One who created trust
When your closest companions turn to the ways of the evil one
Never give up
Never follow them to that place
They know not what they do
Indulging in intoxicating liquids to relax their mind
And forget about the world
Slowly falling apart all around them
Taking part in sweet love
Never knowing its real meaning
Don’t go there with them
The time has come for us to part
But hold back those tears of longing
It will never be the way we wish
But it will always be worth it
Goodbye beloved, and stay strong

7-11-09
I don’t understand those people
Those people that have it all together
Who are never in trouble
Who never feel the need to cry
I want to know why I can’t seem to get it right
Why everyone is always mad at me
Why am I so stupid?
It’s like it’s in my blood
No matter how hard I try
No matter what I do
Nothing ever changes
The world is a big place
But I feel I’m missing it
I’m afraid I’ll be stuck here forever
And I’ll never know what life is like
I’ll never know how it feels
To have someone cheer you on when you need help
I’ll never know how it feels
To really be loved with a love that takes action
I find comfort in listening to other people
To hear out their problems and hurts
Because I know what it’s like and much worse
To go through things you can’t pull through
But yet I’m still here
I’m still fighting this fight
When it’ll be over I don’t know
But I hope it ends soon
I’m not sure I can take much more
But there are people who need me
I can’t let them down
The greatest pain you can feel is being let down
I can’t let them down
Lord, help me

This last poem is perhaps the most special. I wrote it right after I re-dedicated my life to the Lord. I don’t remember the exact date, but I believe I was sixteen, so I’m guessing it was around the spring of 2010. The funny thing is, this poem was one of the last I wrote in my poem book, and I have a feeling it’s because I write poems when I’m sad. Maybe I’ll write in it again with my new feelings of joy.

Space to breath freely again
Space to breath freely again
No more trying, only doing
No more wanting, only having
For the first time I feel truly free
I can breathe on my own
I can see the reason
This is my new start
I’m doing it again
Rededicate myself to you
All of it this time
Everything I hid before
All the things I thought I could never overcome
Yet here I am
They are no longer a part of me
They don’t control me!
I don’t need them
I’m joyful, changed, forgiven

That's Offensive

2012-01-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

I listen to a very interesting DJ on Air 1 every afternoon. By interesting I mean having unusual and bold beliefs. Hardly a day goes by where he doesn’t leave me pondering my faith in a way I never thought of before. I wouldn’t say I totally agree with everything he says, but none if it is wrong, I just wouldn’t stand behind it as strongly as he does. The other day, however, he sad something that I not only agreed with whole-heartedly, but that can apply to something in my life that’s been bothering me.

I don’t remember the story exactly, but basically he said that Christians shouldn’t be easily offended. People are always fighting over religious matters because they’re “offended”, have you noticed this? Especially around Christmas time. People are offended if you do or do not have a Christmas tree. They argue about Christmas lights. They even get into heated debates on celebrating Christmas at all. I love Christmas, and the right and wrong things about the holiday could fill a book, so I’ll not talk about it now. But the main point is, we are offended by the things other people do that we don’t necessarily agree with.

I’m one of those people that don’t really care about the things people do. If you want to have a Christmas tree, fine. If you like turkey over ham, fine. If you despise bacon, not fine. But it’s your life, not mine. When it comes to my faith, I’ll definitely stand for what I believe in, but I won’t force you to follow in my path. I’m not going to make you read the bible or go to church or pray. I’ll simply make sure I’m faithfully doing these things in my own life, and letting them positively effect the way I live my life and the way I treat you. It’s living by example rather than by force.

But back to the whole offended thing…Christmas is an awesome holiday for sure, but I always despise when it comes time to get together with the family, and I know I’m not the only one. I’m looked down on because I’m home schooled, because I’m not in college and don’t intend on going anytime soon, because I’m not super fit, and even because of my faith. I can feel my inferiority the second I walk into the door. I know none of these things are worth being bothered about, but still, it hurt to be treated like I’m not good enough, that my relatives are better than me because they do this and I don’t, and my years and years of spiritual upbringing aren’t as important as my education. I hate it.

Read my words again: aren’t I being easily offended? All of these things have benefits that far outweigh the things I don’t have. My schooling, for example. My awesome mother not only stayed home with me and my siblings for many years to school us, but now she works and takes the time to home school us because she wants us to be brought up without the pollution of the world. Nothing is wrong with public school kids, I know quite a few incredible people that were or are public schooled. But I personally would not have survived it there. I give in easily to pressure, I have an obsessive personality, and I’m curious. Just these things alone would have gotten me into so much trouble before I reached eighth grade. Instead, because of my mom’s choice to love her children more than her career or money, I’m being taught to use my flaws for God’s glory, to be easily pressured to love Him more, to obsess over Him, and to be so curious about Him that I learn more about His love everyday.

Never, never should I feel hurt because someone doesn’t approve of my faith. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone I love or someone I hate, I should never be ashamed of the Lord. I should never be offended because someone says something not so nice about my faith. Was Jesus offended when the people spat on him as he carried his cross up the mountain? When the people he was about to save called him names and kicked mud in his face, did he say to them, “I don’t like that, would you please take your anti-religious beliefs elsewhere?” No, he kept going, and as he was dying, he cried out to his Father to forgive them. That is the ultimate example that we should follow. When people don’t accept me because I pray before my meal, or because I refuse to engage in pre-marital sex, or because I care about the well being of others more than myself, I shouldn’t let it get to me. I shouldn’t hold it against them, and I should definitely not let it bother me. I’m not ashamed of Jesus Christ, and I hope you make this choice with me. It’s not the popular thing to do, but it’s definitely how we as Christians should be conducting ourselves.

I don’t give a dookey about what anyone else thinks.

Fifty Things

2011-12-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

I always like to know stuff about people I spend my time on or with, so if you’re anything like me, this blog is for you. It’s a list of fifty completely random, off the top of my head things about me that you may or may not know. I’m sure all of you know number two, but I threw it in there anyways. At the end of the list is the first ever video of me doing….I don’t know what I’m doing. I guess you’ll find out more about me in the video too. It’s more of a test to see if videos will work on my blog. -_-

1. I really like cookies.
2. Skillet is my favorite band. Like, of all time.
3. I have a love/hate relationship with the words, “Seth Morrison”.
4. My old youth leader’s name is Barry.
5. I like pink and black together.
6. If I was a video game character, I would have the biggest crush on Link.
7. I listen to Justin Beiber on occasion.
8. I bite my fingernails, and sometimes past my fingernails.
9. My hair has had purple, blue, green, red, pink, orange, and blonde streaks.
10. I am NOT single.
11. I like boxes, you can put stuff in them.
12. The first letters of my top friend’s names spell T.R.W.C.H.C.
13. That last sentence was extremely hard to get grammatically correct.
14. My favorite song of all time is either Savior or Rebirthing (iTunes Session) by Skillet.
15. I wear glasses, but I take them off for almost every picture.
16. I will never buy a Mac, I am a PC.
17. There is a whole drawer in my desk filled with little items and papers that hold some sort of sentimental value.
18. I have a Wii, a GameCube, and a 3DS.
19. I crack my index and middle finger knuckles.
20. I pace when I’m nervous.
21. I have a horrible blushing problem.
22. I love dancing, but I never do it in public unless it’s a contra dance or a waltz.
23. Oh yeah, I’m an accomplished waltzer.
24. The first song I ever learned on the piano was The Muffin Man.
25. I’m lactose intolerant, but I have cheese sometimes anyway.
26. I love Dr. Pepper.
27. I also love coffee.
28. My favorite coffee is a peppermint frappichino from Starbucks.
29. I secretly like when dudes wear make up.
30. I value personality over looks.
31. I love people in wheelchairs, they are awesome.
32. I hate when I’m typing and I accidentally hit the “insert” button instead of the “backspace” button.
33. I used to have really short hair.
34. I was a tomboy from age 9-ish to age 14.
35. Someday, I’m going to look John Cooper straight in the eye and say, “I am a peanut”.
36. Brown hair is awesome.
37. I have nothing against people who don’t have brown hair.
38. I am currently listening to Hero by Skillet.
39. If you are still reading this, you are weird.
40. I love Mexican food.
41. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
42. I have a friend who’s a missionary in Russia.
43. Besides Jesus and my parents, my biggest role model is Ben Kasica.
44. I’ve worn glasses since I was five. (Except for one year when I wore contacts and the following year when I refused to wear my glasses.)
45. I like hugs.
46. My favorite movie is Pride & Prejudice.
47. I scared my sister just now because I popped a balloon.
48. When I sing, I kiss my microphone, like, seriously make out with it.
49. I never used to like games where you shoot things until this week.
50. Biology is the stupidest subject ever.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

There will be no blog today as it is a holiday weekend, a very important holiday weekend. I hope you all have a good Christmas!

Love,
Selena

September 2012

2011-12-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

I have been known to wait until the last minute to write my blogs. This means they usually get written on Thursday night or Friday morning, but today, I'm really cutting it close here. At this moment in time, it is 11:19am, and I have just started my blog. I think I need to get on a schedule.

My last minute topic is...SKILLET! What else can I write an entire page of information on in less than thirty minutes anyway? More specifically, I want to address Skillet's new album, not Awake, but the new album set to release late summer of 2012. Such a painfully long time to wait for new Skillet music, especially with Awake being such a disappointment to me and many other Panheads.

Now, Awake wasn't a bad album. It just wasn't the album we were all waiting for and expecting. If you know your Skillet history, Skillet officially became a rock band after they released Collide in 2003. All the albums before then were either more electronic or softer rock. After Collide came Comatose in 2006, and in my opinion, this is the album that made Skillet so popular, both in the secular and Christian genres. It's definitely my favorite album, with songs like Rebirthing and Whispers In The Dark rocking my face off. This was the album Skillet was promoting when I became a really obsessive Panhead. I listened to Skillet for a long time, but Comatose was the album for me. It was the first Skillet record I ever bought, and I loved it to death. I love Collide as well, but Comatose was different and awesome in it's own unique way. I don't think there will ever be another album as awesome as Comatose.

When they announced the new album in 2008, I freaked out. By this time, I owned almost all of the Skillet CDs you could buy, blasted them in my room on a daily basis, and had my own handmade poster of them in my room. Some people in my church even called me Skillet instead of Selena. I followed the production of this album like bankers watch their stocks. I ate up the little bits and pieces of the new album that they allowed to be released on the podcast. It was so exciting for me.

You can imagine that when August 2009 finally came around, and Awake finally hit the stores, I was very excited. I had actually already listened to all but two of the songs on the new album, but they were low quality anyways, and I needed a CD copy of this record to add to my collection. I bought it the day after it came out (only because my dad refused to take me on the day it came out), and immediately put it to my harsh tests.

It was a major disappointment. Were the songs bad? Only a couple. Was it what I had expected? Not at all. I knew Skillet by now, and I was expecting something harder, something fresher, not this pop stuff. But still, I listened to it until I had every lyric, guitar solo, and drum beat memorized. It was going to be a long time until I had anything new anyways.

So Awake let me down. I went into a period in my life I like to call my most un-Panhead days since I was 12. Skillet was even not my favorite band for a short while there. But talk of the next album drew me back. I was riding on the hope that maybe John Cooper would come to his senses and realize that the Panheads wanted something different. In the interviews talking about the next album, he does mention that he wants to go back to the Collide era, which is Skillet talk for harder rock. This has given me great joy in my heart. This is what I was hoping for with Awake.

Another thing that has inspired me to hold on to my favorite band a little longer is Seth Morrison. I will miss Ben Kasica very much on this next album, but Seth's guitar playing is a little different than Ben's, more crunchy and less classical. I'm sure his influence on the new record will bring a welcome change.

That's about it. I'm going to buckle down for the next nine months or so, not let myself get too excited, and hope for a Collide like album. Skillet, please don't let me down again. I'm trusting you.

It is now 11:42am. I'm pretty good. B)

Waste Of Time

2011-12-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th blog. Yay, fanfare. Okay, fanfare's over.

Have you ever been thoroughly annoyed? Completely, entirely, and surely annoyed about something? Then you know how I feel about my generation. I don't know why my generation's parents even bothered to have us. We're a waste of time and money.

I'm specifically referring to the 16-25 year olds who come into In-N-Out on the weekends with their friends. This is when you can truly see them at their best, and I don't like what I see. If you think about it, the girls are all the same, and the guys are all the same. The girls are all worried about their physical image; what the guys think of them, what will or won't make them fat, and what the other judgmental freaks in their social circles think of them. The guys...are checking out the girls. So maybe the girls have a right to be constantly worried about the outside!

There's a lack of personality in my generation. No one stands out from everyone else because everyone else is trying to be like everyone else! It's called fashion, and you can observe this a little more easily at the mall (my local mall happens to be called Fashion Fair). All the guys have their pants hanging off their rears, which is something I despise, guys. It's not attractive in the slightest, unless you consider me wanting to barf a desirable reaction. The girls aren't any better, with their short shorts in the middle of December and their shirts unbuttoned to their navels. All of them have a horrible vocabulary, because they can't even get through a sentence without a profanity.

What is wrong with us? When are we going to wake up and realize that life isn't about what “they” think of you? When are we going to realize that forty years from now, our bodies are going to be less than perfect, no matter how much work we put into it now? I have always valued personality over looks. I would rather be friends with the quiet girl who can make me laugh and has something interesting about her, like a specific talent or passion, than the popular girl who would give me a once over before completely ignoring me because I'm not her “type”.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. But let me tell you, I have been rejected many times in my life, sometimes multiple times by the same girl or guy, based on my outward appearance alone. It used to really hurt when I was considered unworthy for them because I wear all black or because I prefer to play my guitar over keeping up with the next big thing. But if someone doesn't want to take the time to get to know me because they don't like what they see, then would that friendship have been worth it? I don't think I want to invest my time and emotions into someone like that. Nowadays, if someone declines my acquaintance based on the outside alone, I come to the conclusion that they wouldn't have been worth it anyways. Nothing was lost.

If I were to put my closest friends in a room together and asked you to observe them, at first glance, you would think they were crazy. Most of them are quiet, but all of them can make me laugh. They aren't perfect, but they're all extremely talented at something. And they all have the thing I value most in relationships: they care. I would rather have one friend who truly cares about me than fifty of those under-dressed girls at In-N-Out. They're hard to find, but let me tell you, when you find one, you better treasure them more than anything else, because they're hard to come buy.

If you're one of my friends, thanks for being so awesome. Thanks for dealing with my speech issues and my obsessive personality. Thanks for understanding when I blast Skillet in my room at midnight. And most of all, thanks for being there for me. You rock.

VHNNNNNNNNNNhscxgjrn (Because I'm in a hurry)

2011-12-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

I spent most of my life up until I was fourteen as a tomboy. I only spent a few of those years as a serious one, but I wasn't by any means your typical girl. I have never been girly, and I'm not girly now. I don't intend to ever be girly. But one girly trait I've always had is a love for shoes. I love shopping for shoes, I love buying shoes, I love looking at shoes, anything that has to do with shoes I will do and probably love. I'm not picky about my shoes either. The only type of shoe I don't wear are running shoes, unless I'm running of course.

I'm not wealthy, so my shoe collection is not anywhere near what I'd like it to be, but following is a list of all the shoes in my closet and any back story they may have, for example, if I wore them to any place special or if they carry any specific memory. Why am I doing this? I don't know, I love shoes I guess.

My Vans slip-ons I wear the most right now. They're fairly new, I got them from my awesome friend Katie because she loves shoes too and is always making room for more. Lucky for me, I'm only a half size smaller than her, so I get lot's of hand-me-downs.

Ahh, my Eskimo boots. What girl doesn't own a pair of these? I also have two other pairs in black, but these are my nicer ones I wear to Christmas parties and the like.

A basic pair of flats. They're kinda....flat. I think it's been a while since I've worn them.

Another former Katie shoe, my sorry excuse for Converse. I think the actual brand is OP, for some reason I haven't made it over to the Converse store to get me a good pair of my favorite shoe. Oh well, these will do for now.

My running shoes, which I ONLY wear while running mind you. I don't know why it bothers me so much when people wear their running shoes while they're not running.

These aren't Converse either, sadly. (Are any of you getting good Christmas ideas for me? I like all colors!) These shoes used to be my every day shoes before I ripped them on one of those big heavy bathroom doors. Now I only wear them to concerts, including my very first Skillet concert. They are actually boy shoes, the women's sizes didn't go small enough.

Katie gave these to me as well. I only wore them once because they're a little big, but I need to wear them more, they're so cute.

THESE! I have worn these shoes so much, as you can probably tell. I wanted a pair of these in all black, but they only had my size in the white and black, so I had to settle for that. The small feet curse I guess. My friend Wednesday bought me purple shoe laces for them after my hair dying accident. We had a bit of an issue while trying to dye my hair purple with not getting it all over her mom's sink, so she made me get into the shower fully dressed to wash it out. I was freaking out because I didn't want to get any in my eyes, otherwise I might have had time to at least remove my shoes. So my hair matched my shoes for a while.

I don't know why I have these. I don't even wear them.......

Well, you know. I need something to wear in the 100 degree weather, and there's no way I'm putting socks on to go places.

These are my first pair of high heels. I learned a lot while wearing them, like taking smaller steps and letting the guys carry your keyboard for you. (What was I thinking trying to lug that thing around in these?) You should also be ready to laugh it off when you fall, because you will fall, or at least have a bad trip. Ha, Haha. Bad trip.

Once I got used to walking in heels, I was ready to take the next step. These are considerably easier to walk in than my first pair, I'm guessing because they're closed. I even danced in these at my friend's wedding. And come on, look at them! They're like, totally awesome.

I've never worn these either. I don't think I ever will. But how can I bring myself to get rid of a perfectly good pair of shoes?

My military boots. I wore these to a 1940s party with a green military dress. It was so much fun. I wear them with my jeans now when I feel like being a rockstar.

That's pretty much all of them. There's other pairs, like a very old pair of flip-flops and another pair of running shoes. But yeah.

For Christmas, I'm hoping on getting a real pair of Converse hi-tops and Converse All Stars, the hi-tops in black and the All Stars in bright green. I wear size 7 ½ or 8. Just throwing that out there. ;)

Tristan

2011-11-27T15:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize that this blog is two days late. Yes, I know I have no excuse for this considering that this blog has been completed since September, and it's my fault for erasing half of it last minute and then not knowing what to write to replace all the stuff I erased. And yes, I am a procrastinator. I need to accept this fact and move on.

First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my often meaningless rants published here every Friday at noon. It's been fun thinking of something funny and interesting to write about every week, and then to hear what you guys think of it. I've had funny blogs, weird blogs, blogs that were a failed attempt at being blogs, and so many other blogs constructed to get different reactions from different people. That's the goal of the writer after all, to connect to whoever may happen on my words. This week, however, might be among the most special of blogs.

I've actually been working on this blog since mid September, which should tell you how important this is to me. I've written and re-written it, spent countless hours thinking of the right way to word it, and I've even prayed about how to tell the world about this. And now, ladies and gentleman, I've finally published it.

You may have heard me mention Tristan. He's been my friend since February-ish, and my good friend since April. Some others may have heard that there was a special boy in my life. Still others probably saw that I changed my relationship status on Facebook from “single” to “in a relationship”. The rest of you heard nothing, and I'm sorry for that. Well, Tristan and the special boy are one and the same. There's been something much bigger than friendship between us since mid July. For four months, he's been more than anyone has ever been to me in my entire life. I don't care for the term “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, but most people would call it that. So I'll just say it: we've been in a relationship for four months now.

It's been the most wonderful four months of my life, to say the least. He's taught me so much in such a short amount of time. I've written about how proud I was to be single, and how serious I take relationships, so you probably understand how I feel about him. Since the day he told me how he felt for me, I haven't stopped praying about him. I've never been more sure of something in my life when I tell you that God gave Tristan to me, and I couldn't be more blessed. Sure, I've been praying for the right guy to come along, but Tristan is so much better than anything I'd imagined. It's like God was telling me this whole time, “Just wait Selena, and see the crazy boy I have planned for you.”

I don't want to say too much and make this blog sound stupid, but I mean it when I say that there is no other person on the face of the earth that's even half as perfect as he is. No one has made me smile or laugh as much as he has. No one has brought such joy into my life apart from Jesus than Tristan has. No one is a better friend than he is, and no matter what happens in the months and years that follow this day, I know he'll always be my best friend. He's changed my life from the inside out. I have a new purpose, a new goal, something so intensely amazing it can outshine the darkest of nights. I love Tristan. I love him with all my being, and I will love him for the rest of my life.

So, yep. That's all I have to say. I figured it was only fair if I let you guys know, because there's only a handful of people out there who were aware of this phenomenon. I don't want to answer too many questions, because I know you lovely readers are probably bursting with things you'd like to know about me and Tristan. Feel free to comment, but I'm not required to answer anything I don't feel like answering, after all it's my blog. :P

Have a wonderful day, and try to recover from that turkey coma you're in okay?

Hebrews Chapter Twelve and Thirteen: Therefore...

2011-11-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

Six days. Six until I turn eighteen. That's crazy to say the least. Who cares about the birthday though really? It's all about the gifts isn't it? What am I looking forward to this holiday season? Money! Video games! Instruments! I've already received a lot of my presents, but still, maybe someone will kick down some extra cash if I look extra cute? You never know. On Sunday, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword comes out, and even though I'm not allowed to play it until my birthday, I'm getting it as a gift from my dad. However, I need Wii motion plus to play it, and for some reason my dad refuses to listen when I try to explain that fact to him. He says, “You don't need the fancy remote” and I'm like, “Dad, it's not a fancy remote. It's a required piece of equipment.” Oh well. I'll have birthday money.

Today we finish Hebrews! It's been awesome doing this study with you three people who read. You guys rock. I'm doing chapters twelve and thirteen today so I have next Friday open for a special blog. Are you ready? Here we go:

Chapter 12

1-3 “Such a great cloud of witnesses.” It's a blessing to have so many examples of people that have run the race before us. If you don't remember who these people are, you can review my list in chapter eleven's study. Their lives were recorded for us so we would know how to respond and take action against the hardships of the world. We are to throw off sin and everything that hinders us in the race toward Jesus. Throw off sin, don't just do it less or try to get rid of it. Far be it from us! Throw the retched sin away! We should have nothing to do with that as we fix our eyes on the one who gave us a way to overcome it. Remember the opposition he faced here on earth, how he endured our sin already for us, so that way you don't give up and get tired of running. It's a lot easier to run a race if you know you've already won.

4-11 It's kinda scary to think that God disciplines us. But just like our earthy fathers have to give us a groundation now and then, God has to let us know that we're following the wrong path sometimes. It's not because He's angry with us, or because He's disappointed. It's because He loves us so much and doesn't want to see us messing up our lives. He does it because He desires to be close to us, and we can't be close to God with sin in our lives now can we? God's discipline makes us into better people that can do bigger and better things for God. If you accept and heed God's instruction, you'll grow tremendously in your faith, because your chances of making the same mistakes again have significantly lowered.

12-13 Therefore, we need to get ourselves in shape. We need to make sure we're following God by heading His correction, so the people around us who might not be saved or are not as mature in their faith can see us and be encouraged, not weakened. Be a good example.

14-17 We need to live at peace with everybody, and be good witnesses to those around us, saved or not saved. We need to look out for each other to make sure none of our brothers or sisters are doing things they shouldn't be doing. Esau is used as an example here. If we're careless and do things out of impulse, we might loose something important, perhaps the salvation of a friend or the opportunity to help someone overcome sin. We can't get certain moments back once they're gone.

18-24 The first part of this passage describes what going to God was like back in Moses' day. God basically lived on the top of this fiery mountain and spoke with a voice so terrifying, that the people begged Him to stop. But He's different now. The angels are rejoicing around Him. He's become the righteous judge, and I don't know about you, but if I've been completely washed clean of all guilt, I wouldn't be very afraid of judgment. We come to Jesus, who made it possible for things to change, for the law to be fulfilled, for the awesome way things are now.

25-27 God has an intense voice. He shook the whole earth with His voice, and soon He's going to shake both heaven and earth, leaving nothing but that which cannot be shaken. I think this is a picture of the new heaven and earth. He's showing us that what we have now is temporary. It's all going to be destroyed by the sound of His voice. But we, His children, are going to inherit that which can never be shaken, eternal life.

28-29 God's giving us a permanent, truly secure home someday, and we should be praising Him for that! Things may be a little unstable right now, but someday we're going to be so incredibly stable that nothing can move us. Let us praise our God, who is a consuming fire.

Chapter 13

1-3 Don't go looking for angels around every corner, but be aware that they're out there. Be nice to your fellow Christians no matter what, but be extra nice and consider that things aren't always as they seem. God might send someone to you without them even knowing it to help you with something in your life. I can think of at least a couple of people in my own life that God's sent to me to encourage me and help me get through things. I know they're just normal people, but I would definitely consider them to be angels. :)

4-6 There's two important things to take note of here. The first is to keep the marriage bed pure. This means saving sex for marriage, not mocking the gift of sex once you are married, and encouraging your brothers and sisters to do the same. Sex is an incredibly sacred thing that should never be viewed lightly. The second thing is not to love money, because God is more than enough for us. We shouldn't seek after material possessions that can be taken away from us. Rather we should seek after God, who has promised never to leave us. We can say with confidence that God is our helper because of this promise. Man can't do anything to us.

7-8 We should look to the people above us that have taught us the word: our parents, our pastors, or older friends, and imitate their faith based on the outcome of their lives. If you see someone who is strong in their walk with the Lord, you should watch them closely and try to live your life the same way. If you don't have anyone around you like that, Jesus was a perfect example. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever, so what worked for Christians thousands of years ago will work for you. God's not going to change things up on us.

9-10 We need to understand that we aren't saved by things or religion. We're saved by grace, and therefore we shouldn't get carried away with all this extra stuff. Confession doesn't save us, baptism doesn't save us, communion doesn't save us, being vegetarian doesn't save us. I might be stepping on a few toes by saying that, but it's true. It's not by our strength. Jesus is the only one that can save us.

11-14 When the priests offered sacrifices, they always took the gross nasty body of the animal they killed outside the city gates to burn it. It was considered unclean because of the sin that it had died for. Jesus did the same thing, he took our sin and shame for us. We humble ourselves when we come to the cross, because we admit that we're too dirty to show ourselves elsewhere. He understands, because he had to carry out the same procedure. How amazing it is to have a Savior who understands!

15-17 Always praise God, no matter what. He deserves praise. Always think higher of others than yourself. Obey the leaders God has placed in authority over you, because God judges them according to the way you turn out. If you have a youth leader who pours his life into you, and you mock him by not taking him seriously, there's a much worse outcome than you would expect. God given authority is an incredible responsibility, and by being submissive, we can make their job a little easier.

18-21 The writer asks for prayer here, and uplifts by asking the Lord to strengthen His people to do His will. We should pray for each other in the same way, asking God to give our brothers and sisters strength to carry out the will of God. I love when people pray for me. I know when people pray for me, is crazy. If you ever need prayer, don't hesitate to let me know. We should take joy in lifting up each other's needs to the Father.

22-25 Annnnnnnnd the letter of Hebrews has been concluded. I don't know about you, but that was not a short letter. It felt like forever and a day long. I'm kidding, it was amazing. Thanks for reading! Come back next Friday for my very first blog as an adult! :D Have an awesomely fantastical day!

Hebrews Chapter Eleven: Faith (No Imagination...)

2011-11-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

It's cold, it's raining, my amazing mom made me oatmeal, and now I get to sit by the window and write. Afterward, I'm going to do school, and then I have my choice of playing on my Wii, on my GameCube, or on my 3DS. Life doesn't get much better than this.

The faith chapter, chapter eleven of Hebrews, is one of my favorites. All the people mentioned in this chapter had the same God and the same faith as we do. All of them had faith in their salvation. All of them had faith that God would do exactly as he promised, and all of them had faith in the heavenly home God has promised.

As much as I would like to do mini rants about each individual in this chapter, I'm going to turn the tables on you this time around. Instead of going through the chapter like I normally do, I'm only going to list the different people, situations, and where you can find the original story in the bible. You are more than welcome to print this list out for reference. What I want you to do as you read this chapter is ponder each thing these people did. Go back and read the stories if you have time, and try to relate to them as much as possible. Would you have done what they did? Have you found yourself in the same situations? Can you make such drastic choices or actions based on faith alone? When you're done, I would love for you to describe anything God showed you in the comments. Have fun!

Creation of the Universe: Genesis 1

Cain and Abel: Genesis 4:1-16

Enoch: Genesis 5:21-24

Noah: Genesis 6-8

Abraham in a Foreign Country: Genesis 12:1-9

Abraham's Descendents: Genesis 15:1-6

Abraham and Issac: Genesis 22:1-18

Issac, Jacob, and Esau: Genesis 27:1-40

Jacob and Joseph's Sons: Genesis 49:22-26

Joseph Near Death: Genesis 50:24-25

Moses' Parents: Genesis 2:1-2

Moses Mistreated: Genesis 4:18

Moses Leaving Egypt: Genesis 12:42

Moses and the Passover: 12:1-28

The Red Sea: Genesis 14:5-31

Jericho: Joshua 6:1-21

Rahab: Joshua 2:1-16, 6:22-25

Have an awesome weekend!

Hebrews Chapter Ten: November!

2011-11-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

I like the month of November. Here in my area of residence, it's finally beginning to get cold. People are walking around all bundled up. The anticipation of the holidays is building, and something in the air smells like happiness. Of course for me, it also means my birthday, and this year, I will be turning eighteen. I know, you know already right? Moving on. My family just received a new computer from a friend of my grandma's, and it's so weird! I haven't used it yet. The keyboard is actually in front of the screen, and it's this grey-ish color...and it's dirty. Hmm.

Hebrews ten and eleven are the longest chapters in the book, so expect lots of rambling in the next two blogs. I will be doing chapters twelve and thirteen in the same blog, so that means we only have three weeks left of Hebrews! It feels like my blog has been nothing but Hebrews for a very long time, but it was worth it. I've learned so much by publicly sharing my notes with you guys, and it's my prayer that you've also gained a deeper understanding of the greatness of belonging to God.

1-4 I mentioned earlier in this study that my family used to belong to a religion that put at lot of stock into keeping the law. The certain one that my family was involved with, however, is not the only religion that teaches that you will be judged according to how well you keep the law. Many people believe that being good and doing more right instead of wrong will get you into heaven. This is clearly not the case. If it was, the people in the old testament wouldn't have needed to offer sacrifices all the time. For if it was, they would have been made perfect with the first sacrifice, and guilt for sins and sin itself would have vanished. The law is not a means by which we can be saved, it is only a reminder that we sin. It acts like a mirror, showing us what we're doing wrong.

5-10 By following the will of his Father and dying on the cross, Jesus gave the Lord what he truly desired: A complete removal of sin and the old ways. Although they were required by the law, offerings of animal flesh didn't please the Lord, There was something more he wanted to accomplish with his relationship to His people, and it wasn't happening with the old way of doing things. With the help of Jesus, we have been made holy and perfect enough for us to have the connection with God He desires to have with us.

11-18 I kinda feel sorry for the priests, repeating the same act that could never save the people, only keep God among them for a limited period of time. But he had nothing to worry about with Jesus on the way. Jesus took care of the whole thing for eternity. Forever we are covered by his blood. There won't ever be a need for us to worry about our sin separating us from God! I love verse 16, where the Lord says, “I will put my law in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” It's like He's saying that we have the ability to keep the law now, because we have Jesus who took away all our offenses against it. We are forgiven! And if we have been forgiven, there is no longer any need to pay for our wrongs. YES! HE'S AWESOME, ISN'T HE?!?!?

19-25 I almost don't want to say anything about this part, because it clearly gives us instructions about what we should do now that we belong to Christ. We shouldn't be afraid to draw near to God, for we have been made clean. We should hold on to the hope we profess, for the one who promised it is faithful. We should encourage each other to do good things. We should meet with each other and and encourage each other as the day of the Lord's returning draws closer.

26-31 All this stuff about being freed from sin and having to keep the law to be able to enter into the presence of God is wonderful, but does this give us an excuse to do whatever we want? Under no circumstances should we keep on sinning after we have received forgiveness for the things we've already done. In Moses' day, when someone broke the law, he was punished severely for his actions. Someone who sins against God after he's already done so much for us should be punished even worse! It's unthinkable to take the act of Jesus on the cross and throw it back in his face by continuing to sin after we've received his gift. I wouldn't want to receive punishment from God almighty for sure.

32-34 When the Christians were persecuted for their faith, they didn't mind because they had something much better than anything here on earth. They had the promise of heaven and eternal riches that no one could take away from them. The gift of salvation was so great to them, that no amount of suffering could make them loose hope.

35-39 We should be like those Christians, looking forward to the return of Christ and not shrinking back. We live by faith, knowing that God will do as He promised. We have the knowledge of the things He's done for us, and the horrible things He's set us free from. That should be more than enough motivation for anyone to keep pushing through.

Second longest chapter DONE! Next week will be the longest chapter, but probably the one that takes the least explaining. Make sure you keep reading, I have a surprise starting the week after I finish this book. It's a reward of sorts for the faithful readers who stuck with me during this first attempt at doing a bible study. It's so weird, but it's going to be great.

Now go out and do something useful! Please! You must have so much free time if you've made it this far!

History in the Making

2011-10-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

Time: 6:19 am
Place: My house, in my room
Date: Friday, October 28, 2011

Me: Oh man! I have to write a blog before noon today! I better get up right now!

Time: 7:21 am
Place: My house, in the back room, on the couch
Date: Friday, October 28, 2011

Me: (Finished my bible study) Okay, now to write this blog. But I'm so sleepy.....why does this couch have to be the comfiest in the entire house.......what is that bright.....huh? No, mustered please......(Falls over)

Time: 9:35 am
Place: My house,
Date: Friday, October 28, 2011

Some Voice: Hey, hey Selena, it's almost eleven, is your blog written yet?
Me: No, no it's not.
SV: Isn't chapter ten the second longest chapter in Hebrews?
Me: Yes, yes it is.
SV: Then what are you doing sleeping in?
Me: I'm tired!
SV: This is no way to be acting.
Me: Seriously? One, maybe two people read my blog anyways.
SV: That doesn't mean you can just blow it off.
Me: I can and I will, watch me. (Rolls over)

Time: 10:45 am
Place: My house, in front of the computer
Date: Friday, October 28, 2011

Me: (Type, type) What am I doing? I'm trying to be funny but it's really not funny that I'm a procrastinator. (Thinks) Maybe if I came up with something......(Clears throat)

Hello and welcome to my blog this week. I'm your host, and basically, there is no blog this week because forty minutes is not long enough to do a study on Hebrews chapter ten. I'm going to own the title of procrastinator, and come to you this week with a humble apology, and an invitation to come back next week, even though I don't deserve your devotion. But who's to say I can't do as I like anyways? This is my blog, and if I decide to write about peanut butter for six days straight, who's going to stop me? Besides, you have to be pirate for the code to apply which you're not. Any kind of blogging rules are more like guidelines anyway. Be safe this weekend in your activities and make sure you save a bag full of candy for me okay? Have a lovely day.

Post Time: 11:05 am B)

Hebrews Chapter Nine: Dead to Sin

2011-10-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOSH I GOT A 3DS!!!! I'VE BEEN FREAKING OUT SINCE WEDNESDAY NIGHT WHEN THAT GUY AT TARGET OPENED THE GLASS DOOR AND TOOK OUT THIS BOX THAT HAD MY 3DS IN IT AND IT WAS MINE AND IT'S STILL MINE AND SO FAR I HAVEN'T WOKEN UP SO IT MUST NOT BE A DREAM! It's about time something good happens to me, I mean really. I have no games for it as of now, but you know, one thing at a time. It was totally worth the work, time, and money. I'm very impressed with it so far, I think the negativity surrounding the 3DS is blown out of proportion, but that's just me. I'll do an official review once I get some games and the excitement of finally having it has worn off, perhaps after Christmas sometime. I'm usually not lacking in money from my birthday (which happens to be on Thanksgiving this year) to Christmas, so I'll be able to purchase some games to review and talk about.

So, I'm running out of witty intros to each chapter of Hebrews. The initial blog intro that I do at the beginning is easy because it's usually something that's happened to me over the week. But, yeah, can I simply say, “Time for Hebrews nine” and be done with it? Okay, time for Hebrews nine.

1-5 I could maybe write a four page book on the significance behind the items mentioned in these verses alone, but I don't think that's the point. Perhaps it was the main focus at one time, but the book of Hebrews is not about the old covenant, but about the new covenant overtaking the old one. I see this brief list as a reminder that at one time in the past, these things were important for salvation itself. But now there's a new way of doing things.

6-10 Remember, only the priest was permitted into the inner room of the Tabernacle, and that once a year and with the shedding of blood. Limited access to the presence of God. This wasn't enough to truly cleanse God's people of their sin. There needed to be something more, something much more powerful and final to completely do away with sin.

11-12 Jesus used the power of his own perfect blood to enter eternal redemption for the whole world. It wasn't something that needed to be repeated, it wasn't a ceremony, an example, or a picture of things to come. It was the real thing.

13-14 If the ashes of an animal can make us “clean” on the outside, or basically, cleansed of sin from the past only, what can the blood of Jesus do? It's a rhetorical question, by the way. The blood of animals might have been enough to clear you of the acts of sin you committed, but what about tomorrow? What about next week? The blood of Christ not only washes away past acts, but the things you are going to do. It did away with sin entirely so we can more effectively serve God.

15 I pretty much love this verse. Any verse in the bible that talks about how we've been set free from sin is my favorite honestly. Think about this for a sec: we are set free from sin. No longer does it control us. No longer does it have power over us to make us do what it wants. We have the power over sin to say no. We have the power to run from sin!

"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."
-Romans 60:11

16-22 Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness. Without blood or death, a will can't be put into effect. It's the same way with the covenants. There has to be bloodshed in order to remove sin.

23-26 Jesus doesn't enter the Holy of Holies where God's presence dwells to intercede for us. He went straight to the Father after he shed his own perfect blood for us. He's a direct connection to the source. So instead of having to sacrifice daily for a temporary, incomplete connection to God, Jesus gave himself as a one time sacrifice to open up a full connection (or at least as full as is attainable in our earthly bodies) to God himself.

27-28 I like this picture of us waiting for God to come. He already shed his blood so he can call us his own children, now we just have to wait until his return, when we will be taken to the Father and our promise of salvation will be complete.

What do you say after that? The end, that's what you say. Man, I need to stop putting off blog writing until Thursday night........

Hebrews Chapter Eight: Summing Things Up

2011-10-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

There was almost no blog this day on account of me completely forgetting about it until Thursday night and me feeling the beginnings of a stupid cold. I swear it's like two hundred degrees in here, I'm sweating and I haven't done anything but sit here. Nevertheless, I am determined to make sure there is reading material for my readers every Friday no matter how bad my health is. I am a dedicated blogger! YEPPERS!

We are currently in Hebrews chapter eight, for those of you new readers, and those of you like me who forgot while floating around in the space of life. I like how chapter eight starts, “The point of what we are saying is this”. We're finally getting a main point, a summery of all this information we've been taking in and picking apart the first seven chapters. This is the part I skip to in textbooks. “Don't give me all the details! Just give me the important stuff that's going to be on the test!” Ladies and gentleman, it's test time.

1-2 Remember back in chapter three, when we talked about how Moses was the builder of the earthly Tabernacle where God dwelt, and that we are the new “Tabernacle” as God's dwelling place? Jesus is the high priest connecting us “tabernacles” to God. He is the bridge between you and God, the mediator, the connector, the missing piece of the puzzle.

3-4 Jesus can't be a priest on earth because there are already people who offer up sacrifices or other material things in exchange for their sins. Maybe you are one. Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough for God? Have you ever felt that you broke too many rules or skipped too many Sunday services to be worthy of God's grace? Thinking you have to be good enough for God is the same as offering up sacrifices for your sins. Nothing YOU can do will make up for your sins. Only through Jesus we are saved, not by man's power.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”
-Ephesians 2:8-9

Let Jesus be your priest in heaven, the high priest who already did all that was necessary to save you. It's already done, you just need to accept it.

5-6 The Tabernacle had to be so exact, and everything had to be in the right place and happen in the right order, because it was a picture of what was to come. The old covenant was a perfect picture of the new covenant. The old covenant included things like the earthly Tabernacle, the human priest, and the daily sacrifice. The new covenant involves us, Jesus, and his one ultimate sacrifice. Do you see how everything connects here? The new covenant is far superior to the old one, as it involves us totally relying on the power of God to save us and to get us through each day. There's more intimacy between you and your Creator this way.

7-12 The quoted passage here is from the book of Jeremiah, which was written long before Jesus walked the earth. God new from the beginning that he would perfect His relationship with His people using the new covenant. No longer would people need to be told what God was saying to them, for God would be able to speak to each one directly.

I just sneezed on the computer screen and now it's all colorful.

13 So, the old covenant is completely done away with, guys. Religion and all that garbage is no longer necessary to be saved. We don't have to dress a certain way, abstain from eating certain things, or talk like we're super holy. God wants us to be just as we are, weak, helpless, imperfect, so He can show us how strong He is to save us. He needs us to be fully dependent on Him in order for Him to work through us. Otherwise we'll rely on our own abilities to get us through things, and that's not what we want at all.

I gave you the summery, now it's time to see what you have learned so far (or, time for me to see if I've been doing this right....) For this week's challenge, write a brief summery of the old covenant in comparison to the new covenant. For example:

Old: Tabernacle
New: Us

Everyone who completes the challenge will receive a cookie like last time. I'll check your answers next week. Have a smashing weekend! (Don't smash anything, just, oh never mind. I'm sick, give me a break.)

Hebrews Chapter Seven: The Most Holy Place

2011-10-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I've been wanting to by the new hand-held video game system from Nintendo, the 3DS, for a few months now. I don't have a job at this time, so the only way I'm able to earn money is by doing odd jobs for family members and friends from church. I had a big one that I just finished, which was supposed to put me just twenty dollars short of the price of the 3DS, but it took me so long to finish this job that I had forgotten how much money me and the person I did the job for had agreed upon, which was twenty-five dollars less than what I thought. Now I'm about forty-five dollars short of my 3DS. I get twenty dollars tonight for another job, and as soon as I finish two other jobs, forty more, but that could be weeks. I've probably already missed the free download of The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures by now, which is a game I really wanted to play. I'm crazy about Zelda, for those of you who don't already know. I'm desperate for cash right now. Only twenty more to go! Why?! WHY!?!?!?! *Sad face* If you have any jobs for me that won't take more than a week or that you can pay me in advance for, or if you'd like to just give me money I would be very grateful. You'd be helping the overall happiness of my life a lot.

Last week, I promised a more in-depth explanation of the Tabernacle and why it keeps coming up in the book of Hebrews. If you're anything like me,the Tabernacle is one of those things in the Bible that holds significance to you but you never fully understood. I still didn't quite understand what it was, besides a place where they killed animals, until last year in school when I did an intense study on it and the Israelite people. The connections between the Tabernacle and the “new covenant” and Jesus as our new “high priest” are so evident and so important in comprehending what it is that Jesus did for us on the cross.

The Tabernacle was basically a very beautiful and detailed tent. The Israelite people used it while they were on their way to the promised land, and then while they were wandering in the desert or forty years, so it had to be portable. To get a better picture of how beautiful this tent was, you can read Exodus 36:8-38.

It's a little hard to get a visual of the tent without seeing a model of it. Before I wrote this post I ran around the house panicking because I had to do a description of the Tabernacle and I hadn't seen my fold out pamphlet of it since we moved a couple of months ago. I finally found it last night at around ten o'clock, and right at this moment in time, it's nearly midnight on Thursday, so I hope I make sense. It shouldn't be a problem though, I'm very jacked up on a delicious caramel frappe right now. I'm literally twitching in my chair.

Anyways, the Tabernacle was just a big tent, like I said before, with a large outer courtyard that the people could enter into to make their sacrifices. The actual Tabernacle where God dwelt was inside this larger courtyard. In the courtyard, there was an alter where the people made their sacrifices. The offering had to be a perfect animal without any faults, and as it died the people would place their hand on its head to symbolize their sin going into the animal. This method of sacrifice only lasted the people a certain amount of time, so sacrifices were offered daily. Beyond this alter there was a large basin of water that had a mirrored bottom for the priests to wash themselves in before entering the Tabernacle. The purpose of the mirror was to remind the priest, as he made himself physically clean, that the Lord sees what's in the heart, and not just what's on the outside.

Once inside the tabernacle, there were a few other furnishings like the lamp stand, the table of showbread, and the alter of incense. Farther than this, at the very heart of the Tabernacle, was the Holy of Holies, where God's presence dwelt. The priest would only enter this place once a year to sprinkle blood on the Ark of the Covenant, which held the ten commandments inside of it and was the only piece of furniture in the Most Holy Place. The lid of the Ark is called the Mercy Seat, and this is where the glory of God dwelt. The blood sprinkled here covered the sins of the priest and the people for the rest of the year. It was only by these daily sacrifices and shedding of blood that God was able to dwell among the sinfulness of the people.

I know this is intense and maybe confusing stuff, but stay with me here. It's all going to come together as we read the seventh chapter of Hebrews.

1-10 Melchizedek was one of the priest that served in the Tabernacle. Pay attention to how he's being likened to Jesus here. His name means “king of righteousness”, and he was given a tenth of the plunder Abraham had gained from his battles. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be making a connection to tithing or not, but every priest collected a tenth of everything from the people while they were in service.

11-17 No matter how many sacrifices were made at the Tabernacle, there still had to be sacrifices for the sins of the people daily. It was an imperfect system based on the law. If this was a flawless system, why then did it have to be repeated with more bloodshed so often? When Jesus became our high priest, there had to be a change in the way things were done, just as there was a change in the priesthood. Jesus did not become a priest because of his ancestry, but because God his Father told him to so he could perfect His relationship with His people.

18-19 These are the key verses that bring it all together. The former way of doing things, the daily sacrifice of blood, the limited access to the Mercy Seat and to God's presence, all changed with this new way of doing things.

20-22 Each priest gained his title simply by being of the line of Levites, which was a tribe in Israel. But Jesus became a priest because he was promised with an oath by God. He was the guarantee of a better covenant before he was even born. Your salvation is a rock solid, promised by the God of the universe thing, guys. We shouldn't take this stuff lightly. This is powerful.

23-25 Priests die because they are human like you and me. But Jesus lives forever, and is therefore our priest forever. What he did cannot end, because he will never end. He has completely saved those who have called upon his name. When he died, the curtain that separated us from God's presence was ripped in half, and full access to the Mercy of God was granted to us. Oh man, I don't know if it's the coffee or the Spirit, but something is getting me hyped up!

26-28 The best part of it all, Jesus, our new High Priest, the one who took all our sins on himself and died once and for all to save us. Unlike the animal sacrifices that had to be offered multiple times, Jesus died one time and took EVERY SINGLE SIN away. This means all the sins you have committed, the sins you are committing, and the sins you will commit, already washed away more than 2,000 years ago on the cross. This perfect sinless man became our sin, and died in our place. He offered the blood we should have paid. He walked this earth and experienced all the things we experience. And now he's alive, bridging the gap between sinful man and a holy perfect God. The curtain was torn. The way is opened. WE ARE SAVED!

Now that that's over with, let me make some connections between Jesus and the Tabernacle. The Tabernacle was the place were God dwelt, Jesus came down from heaven to dwell among the people, and Jesus is God in the flesh. The high priest offered sacrifices for the people, Jesus offered himself as our final and perfect sacrifice. The place where God was, the Ark, held the ten commandments or the law. Jesus came to fulfill the law. (Matthew 5:17) When you sum it all up, Jesus completely replaced all that stuff. He made it so simple. He's the reason we're not still dragging animals to the alter to sacrifice for our sins.

The law shows us how imperfect we are, and how badly we fail with each passing minute to be worthy of entering the presence of God. It's like looking into a mirror and seeing all the dirt of our life. But Jesus washed us clean. His grace covers us. Like my pastor said on Sunday, “Grace doesn't give us an excuse to sin, but rather gives us the means by which we can keep it.” In other words, without grace, we would never be able to show our faces in the presence of God because we are not capable of keeping the law by ourselves. I thank the Lord for sending His son to make me perfect.

Last week, I asked for prayer requests as the challenge. I only got one, and I'm pretty sure it's been taken care of, so I'll let it go. The only challenge this week is getting through this blog, so if you made it this far congratulations, here is your virtual cookie. Now I must be going. It's almost one in the morning.

Hebrews Chapter Six: Convicted

2011-09-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

Something interesting you might like to know about me is that I'm a hunt-and-peck typer (I don't know if that's the correct term, that's just what my mom calls it). I don't place the fingers of my left hand on asdf, the fingers of my right hand on lkjh, and my thumbs on the space bar. Rather my fingers hover over the key board and I look down at it as I type. I have a pretty good idea where each letter is, but if I take my eyes away I'm clueless. I use all my fingers except my pinky fingers, so if you didn't watch me too closely I actually look like I'm using proper form. I'm a fast typer for sure, however I don't do it “correctly”.

Heres and eaamsplr ps ke dad;e I ra[e weodklpa ;pp;imd ad the dkeiaoce.

Translation: Here's an example of how badly I type without looking at the key board.

Thank you for your understanding about last week's post. It was much needed and it felt good to write. As a reward I will now resume my study of Hebrews where we left off in chapter six. This is the first chapter that I'm truly nervous about, because I might not have the best or even the right translation for some things discussed here. I may have said this before, but I'd like to remind you that everything I say on my blog is strictly my opinion on what I'm reading in the Word of God, and if you disagree or find fault in my words, I'd be more than happy for you to let me know. In fact I encourage you to correct me if something I say doesn't sound right.

1-3 The end of chapter five and the beginning of chapter six flow into each other here. If you remember, chapter five ended with a call for Christians to mature in the Word and not stay in the elementary teachings of the bible. We don't grow with age, we grow in our relationship with Christ, and one of the ways we do this is by reading his Word and digesting it. We should already know to avoid sin, what baptism is, to lay hands on people as we pray, and the basic stuff like this. We continue to do them of course, but there comes a time when we need to dive deeper into what God has to say to us. Sometimes I'll read a certain scripture, and it'll inspire me to read more on the subject or to pull out the dictionary to help me fully understand what's being said. A few verses about God's grace and the song, “Your Grace Is Enough” by Matt Maher were enough to inspire me to go on this long study of God's grace, and ultimately to do this study on Hebrews. This is my way of eating up the Word of God.

4-6 I think the way most people would translate what's being said in these verses is that if someone accepts the gift of salvation and then falls away, they can't be saved again. The way I translate it is a little different. I think that once someone receives Jesus as their savior, they're saved for the rest of their life. If they fall away, this is a sign to me that maybe they weren't really saved in the first place. Once you experience Jesus and the Holy Spirit, it's impossible to just leave the faith. I know that when I'm in sin or when I'm not doing what I should be doing in my relationship with the Lord, the Holy Spirit convicts me like crazy. I might be able to handle it for a little while, but eventually I get found out or I confess what I'm doing and stop doing it. If someone gets saved and then neglects their relationship with the Lord later on down the road, I would seriously question if they were ever real in their faith. I don't understand how someone could have the Holy Spirit burning inside them and remain in sin. You should want to get rid of that!

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
- Ephesians 4:22-24

7-8 These verses help us to further determine of someone is truly saved or not. We are represented as the land in this picture, and the kind of crop we produce tells others what's going on inside of us. Those of us who are saved produce a good crop that other people can use, but if we're just pretending, we produce a crop that's good for nothing but to be burned.

9-12 If we do happen to fall away from doing the work of God, He promises us that He'll still accept us and remember all we've done for Him. We shouldn't grow lazy in our work, but it's not like God will get mad at us and revoke our salvation privileges if we screw up every now and then.

13-17 When it says that God swore, it doesn't mean that he said a naughty word or anything like that. Rather swearing means that he made a promise or an oath to Moses, and to secure that promise, he swore by Himself, since there is no one greater than He is in the entire universe. By doing this, he showed Moses that he wasn't playing around with this. He meant what he said when He told Moses that he would make his descendents innumerable. God doesn't need to swear to make his promises steadfast and true, however. I believe He did this to destroy any lack of faith in Moses and His people. When God says He will do something, you better believe He's going to do it.

18-20 Now that we know that God can't lie and that there is nothing and no one greater than Him, we can put our absolute trust in the hope of salvation He has offered to us. We should be encouraged by possessing such a great and secure gift! There is nothing that can take away our title as a child of God, nothing!

In verse 19b, there's more priest stuff I'll explain for you real quick. Before Jesus died for us, the only way to be purified of our sins was to enter into the presence of God and make a blood sacrifice to cover up what you did. There was one place God could dwell among the people, and that was in the Holy of Holies within the Tabernacle. I'll talk more of this in the next chapter, but all you need to understand for now is that the high priest was the guy that was required to make the sacrifices and ask for God's forgiveness in place of the people who weren't allowed to enter God's presence. When it says in verse 19 that Jesus went behind the curtain on our behalf, it means that Jesus, who is our great high priest, provided the blood and the forgiveness we needed to enter into the presence of God. Now we can come to God whenever we like, because we've been washed clean of all sin.

Like I said, in the next chapter I'll write more on the Tabernacle and the high priest. We have reached the end of our studies for today unfortunately, but there's a little thing I want to start doing for the remainder of Hebrews. I've already been kinda doing it here and there, but I want to ask you to do something at the end of each blog. We'll call it the Hebrew challenge, or the Epic Fish, or maybe How-I-Want-You-To-Get-Involved or something. Maybe name suggestions would be a good Idea. Remember last week, it was to show someone your smile, and a few weeks back I asked for you to comment your favorite verse. This week, I want you to go to the “Contact Meh” page on the blog, and comment a prayer request. It doesn't have to be real long or detailed, and you're more than welcome to comment anonymously. I just want to know how I can pray for you, and I also want my readers to pray for each other. Next week, I'll provide a verse for each request I get, even if I only get one from the one reader I know will comment. ;-) Have an amazing day!

Patient Endurance

2011-09-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

My dad and I had a conversation last week that went something like this:

Me: Do you ever feel like there's so many problems in your life that you can't do a single thing about?
My dad: Yes, I call it life.

It was a depressing statement, but that's definitely how I've felt this past week. It's like I'm just hanging in there, fighting through the current problem until the next one hits me. No one is there for me to talk to, that's all I really want right now is someone to talk to who will listen and not just tell me what to do. I feel so small and helpless. I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix things, and I hate it.

I'm not going to do Hebrews chapter six today because I think like I need to write about what's been going on. I usually write my best stuff when things go downhill, so I figured now would be a good time to do this blog I've been wanting to do for a while.

Last Friday, things just kinda went wrong. It was one of those nights where suddenly, I realized I wasn't alright. I don't know if you ever feel like this, but I just had to go somewhere by myself and cry. I'm not afraid to cry, in fact, it feels good to know I can still feel anything. Crying is good. I sit on my back porch listening to Jeremy Camp, praying, and crying until two in the morning, when my sister had to come get me because I'd almost fallen asleep. I don't think I've ever prayed so intensely for such a long period of time. Prayer was the only thing I had left, the only weapon left in my inventory. When I'm not strong enough to use my words, or when it's impossible for me to be there for everyone who needs me, I know I can pray. I couldn't even sleep in after staying up so late, I got back up at six and continued praying. I wanted to spend time with the Lord so badly. I wanted to know he was working.

Saturday night, I was flipping through my bible and reading all the key verses I had highlighted in school. The color code goes something like this: Red means things we need to do, plans of action, things we're commanded to do, and things we should be doing. Yellow is for verses relating to prayer, and Green is for the important verses that speak to me or that bring a passage together. Usually when I need something more than my daily study, I go through the chapters I've already studied and read the green verses. But my bible just kinda fell open to a verse in red, and things finally started to make sense. I knew what I had to do, and what better way than to write it out.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

That's exactly what I wanted, that's what I wanted to give to those around me who were also hurting, but I didn't know how. But God provided me with everything I needed to say, and it's all right up there ^ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, because he is the God of compassion! Comforting his children is what he does! He comforts me in order that I may comfort others. He pulls me through things so that I can help others get through what they're going through. If we never suffered anything, how are we to be comforted? You need the rain to get the rainbow. It sounds so cliche, but this is just another good thing that can come from suffering. Friday night as I sat outside praying, song after song kept playing on my Zune that worshiped God, telling him how amazing and wonderful he was. It might feel odd to praise God when it seems like he allowed all the bad stuff to happen, but there's always a reason for what he does, always.

Monday morning, I started reading a book called Experiencing God: Youth Edition. What better time to start reading such an amazing book. After the first lesson, you're required to pray about what you had read, and again I found myself in tears. The whole lesson had been about following the Lord day by day, not trying to figure out all the details about what he wants you to do. Most of last weekend I found myself asking God to show me what to do, but this book challenged me to ask him to lead me in what he wants me to do. Instead of trying to understand everything that's going on, I need to take things day by day. Instead of wondering why things were the way they were, I needed to trust God that he was working.

When I'm lost, Jesus is my way. When I don't know what to do next, God knows exactly how things are going to end. While I pray, he works. I just need to trust the God who is able to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask for or imagine, the same God that is at work inside of me!

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is as work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.”
- Ephesians 3:20-21

If only my words could do any sort of justice to what God is able to do through your life, through your circumstances, through your pain, then maybe I'd be able to make some sort of impact on you today. But sometimes I need to write what I can based on what He's been showing me, and hope that through my life, your life might be changed as well. Although I want whoever happens to read this post to get something from it, I wrote this blog for someone special that I know is having a crappy time right now. To wrap things up, I want to say to him and everyone else reading that's going through some difficult stuff that you aren't alone. I'm here, God's here, and I've been praying for you non-stop since Friday. God has a hand in every little detail of your life, your amazing beautiful life, and he wants you to grow closer to him. Trust him to make things clear to you as you live each day. Take things one step at a time, and know that Jesus is your way. It's often when you're broken and confused that God teaches you his biggest lessons, I've experienced this many times in past years. It's now that he wants you to put your whole life into his hands so he can do with it as he wants. I'm not perfect, I've never been perfect. I'm pretty screwed up right now, and I can't be that example to you that I'd like to be. I'd like to be that person that does everything right, but I'm just as broken as you. But I'm here to listen. In fact, please feel free to let me know how I can pray for you. I'm one of those people who likes getting those long emails that make no sense or phone calls from people who just need to talk at three in the morning. I can't promise I'll have all the answers, but I can promise to be there for you if you need me.

“That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
-2 Corinthians 12:10

Okay, I'm going to ask you to do something a little silly, but I'm doing it too, so just go along with me here. I'm going to ask you to think of one thing in your life that makes you happy. Maybe it's a person, a song, an item, a scripture, whatever you like. Dwell on your happy thing for a little bit. Think of why it makes you happy. Think of when you first met that person, or first heard that song or read that scripture. Alright, now that it's firmly fixed in your mind, I want you to say it out loud and smile. Trust me, when you've had a hard weekend, it almost hurts to smile. But we need to get those muscles working again. Did you do it? Good, now go show someone that smile. ;)

Hebrews Chapter Five: What We Have Learned

2011-09-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard a song and been all like, “This is totally my song!” And then a week later you hear a different, probably better song and say, “No, wait, this is so totally my song”, and this goes on for pretty much your whole life and you begin to wonder if you will ever find the right song? I'm going through this dilemma right now. My song is currently a Jeremy Camp song and NOT a Skillet song (wonder of wonders). “The Way” really describes what I'm trying to accomplish right now, so I consider that to be my 'song' at this very moment in time, but don't expect it to stay that way. I'm sure I'll change it before the week's over.

Already we're on chapter five. It seems to be going fast, but I did some calculations and we won't finish this book until mid November! If any of you sticks around all the way through, there will be a party at the end of Hebrews, AND THERE WILL BE CAKE! (Selena is giggling right now because she knows only her and one other person reading got that joke, you know who you are.)

1-3 I'm usually the friend people go to when they need to talk. I don't know what it is about me, but it's almost guaranteed that I'll have at least one person come to me with their deepest concerns and secrets every month. I imagine most of the reason that my friends pick me to open up to is because God knows what I've been though; he knows that I'm able to sympathize with a lot of individuals because I know what it's like. Although there's so much to learn from difficult times in life, I think one of my favorite by-products of suffering is your new ability to understand what everyone else in your situation feels like. This way, if you ever find yourself in my shoes and someone pours out their heart to you, you can hug them, cry with them, and let them know that they're not alone. The most comforting words I can hear when I'm upset about something is, “Yeah, I know what you mean, I've been there too.” God knows this, and I think this is a big part of why he set op the sacrifice system in the way he did. He had a regular guy like you and me asking for forgiveness, someone who knows what it's like to screw up. We've been over the priest thing already in past chapters, but this same thing is repeated often in Hebrews. The bottom line is, we're not alone in whatever it is we're facing. You have God, you have me, and I'm sure you have a really good friend who's willing to help you through the tough things. If you're not going through anything, I encourage you to make yourself available to those around you who are. Sometimes, you're all they have.

4-6 Jesus was called to glory by God, just as you and I are. No one can just step up to the plate and say, “I'm here God. Do with me what you like.” No, rather it's God who makes that first step by calling us out of the darkness of sin. Sometimes it's early on in life, and sometimes it's later on, but all of us were called. Some of us, like me for example, have to be called more than once to get back to the glory of Christ. But just think, even Jesus had to be called. It's a wonderful thing to be chosen, to have God pick you out and call you by name for his glory

7-10 Jesus was aware of the fact that he was going to take on the sins of the world. But he also knew that only God had the power to make him perfect and complete the work of salvation through him. It was after he submitted to the plan of God and went to the cross that he was able to complete the work he had been called to do. The same thing goes for us as well. We need to trust that God will complete the work he has for us. It might be pretty awful until then, but what could be more horrible than carrying the sins of the entire world? I think it's only right of God to ask us to continue even if things get hard. This has been an issue I've been dealing with, and am dealing with right now: trusting that God will complete what he started in my life. I know God has so much for me, but right now I feel...stuck. I don't know what I should do next. It's times like these that I need to put my whole life and all my trust in the One who knows exactly what I'm supposed to do next.

“Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:4-5

11-14 What it means here when it says we still need milk instead of solid food is that we still don't understand the depth of God's Word. That's like a full grown man who was raised in the church still reading the picture bible story about Noah and the Ark. By this time he should know enough to be teaching the word to other baby Christians, yet he's still a baby himself. The Christian doesn't grow older with age, but rather by deepening his or her relationship with God. The only way you will grow in your faith is by reading God's Word, by praying, and by living it out every day. You need to practice something in order to be good at it.

As I close this chapter, I'd like to challenge you to grow a little more. Right now, wherever you are, bow your head and pray for five minutes. It might not seem like a long time, but try it and see if you still think that. *Wink* I'm sure there's so many things you can think of to pray about. If you can't come up with enough things to fill five minutes, pray for me! I'm not afraid to ask for prayer right now. Pray for my grandpa! I just received word last night that he's back in the hospital. Pray for your pastor. Pray for your family. Just talk to God about anything and everything that comes to mind, even if it sounds silly. He wants to talk to you. If you had a girlfriend or boyfriend (or maybe you do have one), you'd want to spend time with them and tell them everything that's going on. God's the same way.

I hope you have a wonderful week.

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light...” Ephesians 5:8

Hebrews Chapter Four: HOW LONG HAS THIS NOT HAD A TITLE?!?

2011-09-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

Chapter four of Hebrews hits close to home for me and my family. Back when my mom was younger, her family was Seventh Day Adventist, which is a denomination of a church that puts a lot of value on Saturday or the Sabbath. After my dad and I came into the picture, she converted him and raised me to be Adventist as well, so I spent my early years in that church. I don't remember much of it, but I do remember not being allowed to do much of anything on Saturday because “it wasn't pleasing to the Lord”. In that church, the tendency is to teach that you are saved by works, not by grace. Some think that the better you do on earth, the greater your reward will be in heaven. I'm crazy about the awesomeness of grace, so those two statements alone could send me on a very long rant. The Lord spoke to my mom through the book of Hebrews though, which should make sense if you've been with me for the first three chapters, because most of it is on the grace of Jesus. It was chapter four that began to help her realize that it's by grace and not by works that we are saved. None of us are even qualified to try to earn salvation. It's something that's unattainable by anything we can do.

1-2 If you remember in chapter three, we were discussing the Israelite people and how they failed to heed the calling of God into his rest. We have that same calling, that same gospel preached to us, whether it is in a church, through our family, or even through words on a website typed by a teenage girl. They didn't enter God's rest because they had a lack of faith that God would stay true to his word. They questioned the things he said he would do for them, because all they could see at the moment was that they were in a desert with no food or water. Instead of trusting in God to do as he promised, they complained that they were dying in the desert. It reminds me of all the times I felt lost and confused, and I wondered how God could possibly be working in my life. But every time, usually after I've reached a point so low that I give up trying to do things myself, he reveals his master plan. It's times like this that we need to have faith that the Lord will do as he promised, that he will take care of things, and we will enter his rest.

3-5 Here's the first mention of the Sabbath (or the “seventh day”). It started at the very beginning of the world when God rested after creating the world. I always imagine God in a bean-bag chair with a Dr. Pepper and a Wii remote when it says he rested, but that's just me. I never understood why it was that God needed to rest at all, but now as I read this passage, I wonder if this too was symbolic of the rest he wants us to enter into. After it was finished, he rested. After Jesus died on the cross for us, we can rest knowing the price has been paid. I'm no expert, but that's what it sounds like to me.

6-7 Today is the day we can enter God's rest. We don't have to travel a long distance like God's people did thousands of years ago. Today, right now, without cleaning ourselves up or following a bunch of rules, we can have the peace and the rest God offers us. It's not a matter of works, it's a matter of faith that God will do as he promises and that he has done the necessary things to save us. All we have to do is...not harden our hearts.

8-11 Joshua was the man who finally lead the Israelites into the promised land. He led them into the rest that was promised them by God. But there is still another rest, one that we can enter into. We can rest from our work just as God rested from his. What is our work exactly? It's trying to live up to God's standards (an impossible task really), trying to earn our rights in a way. It's keeping the Sabbath day by not doing anything that would be displeasing to God. It's following every single commandment perfectly from the moment we take our first breathe to the moment we breathe our last. That's what we rest from, for Jesus paid the price for us because he knew we were imperfect. If we had the ability to earn our way to a higher place in God's heart, we'd have no need for grace or Jesus, because we could obtain salvation on our own.

12-13 The Word of God...I could never effectively describe what goes on between the covers of the bible. I think verse twelve does a good enough job however, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating the very soul and spirit. No matter how good we think we are, the Word of God is like a mirror, reflecting all the evilness in our hearts. There is no way someone can truly be in the Word and not realize his desperate need for a savior. Even if our eyes are never opened to the wickedness in our hearts while we're living here on earth, everyone, everywhere (this includes you and me by the way) will have to give an account to God for our actions. There's no shoving anything under the couch with God either. He pretty much knows everything. I'd much rather be washed clean by the blood of Jesus when it's my turn to give an account to God.

14-16 And the grand ending to an amazing chapter. Our great high priest, Jesus, who understands what we're going through. I don't know if you've ever tried going to someone for help with a situation you're facing, but if they haven't been through the same thing, it's hard to get anything out of their advice. How should they know? But Jesus, he knows exactly what I'm going through, what you're going through. He knows! Somehow, he managed to walk this earth you and I are on without once sinning. Gosh, I've probably sinned in the hour I've been sitting here typing about God's grace! But since he washed us clean, we can approach the throne of grace with confidence, clean and like we've never sinned. We can claim that grace and rest in our time of need, in the times we feel defeated and unworthy. I feel unworthy a lot, especially recently. Honestly, I've asked the Lord time and time again why he keeps giving me grace, for I definitely don't learn my lessons. But that's the thing. He took care of that for me, all of it, the things I have done, am doing, and have yet to do. Isn't he amazing?!

In closing, I'd like to ask each of you to comment your favorite verse in this chapter and why. It doesn't have to be long, just something that God spoke to you about while reading chapter four. Thanks! Have a wonderful weekend!

Hebrews Chapter Three: Rest

2011-09-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

In Spanish, there is a type of bread called pan (pronounced paun), that's somewhere between regular bread and a doughnut in sweetness. I was having some at a bible study last Friday, and I was jokingly calling it pan, like you'd say it in English, the kind you cook in. Now, here in the part of California I live in, everyone can speak Spanish to some degree, so therefore everyone knew I was joking when I called it pan in English. But the awesome part was that my friend pointed out that I was a Panhead, and since pan means bread in Spanish, he was going to call me Sckbreadhead from now on. I think it's a brilliant idea, what do you guys think?

You think on it, and in the mean time, I give you Hebrews chapter three.

1 I like how the writer calls us holy brothers right here, almost as if he was reaffirming our acceptance by Jesus. It's been my experience that when you fix your thoughts on Jesus, it's easier to pray. When I think of him, I think of all he went through to erase the separation between man and God, how he knows from experience what we're going through, and how much he wants to hear from us. It's easy to talk to someone like that.

2-6 These next five verses were difficult for me to understand at first, so I had to ask for help from my parents. Here, it's talking about Moses and Jesus, and I could tell there was a connection, but I was unsure of what that connection was. Let me walk you through what my parents and I were able to find out: In verse two, it says Moses was faithful in all God's house. If you remember in the old testament, Moses was in charge of building the tabernacle, which was the place God dwelt. It was his house. The Tabernacle was the only way the Lord was able to communicate to the people, since sin separated the people from the Lord. They could only communicate with the Lord after they had made the necessary sacrifice for their sins. You can imagine that this wasn't the easiest way to talk to God. You gotta get the priest to kill an animal for you and ask the Lord for forgiveness. In verse three, it says that Jesus was of greater honor than Moses. Jesus took care of ALL of our sins on the cross, one time, one lamb, done forever. Moses was faithful in the temporary house of the Lord, while Jesus was faithful in his eternal house. Where is his eternal house you ask? Verse 6 gives us the answer: “And WE are his house if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.”

7-11 Here it talks more of the Isrealites, the same people that were with Moses and used the Tabernacle. They were technically the only people on the planet that had access to God, and still they hardened their hearts and refused to trust God to take care of them. I like how back then, there was a lot of physical illustrations of what was to come in the future with Jesus. In verse 11 it says that they shall never enter God's rest. What that meant back then was that they couldn't go into the land God promised them because they were rebellious. Now, it means the rest of God's salvation, the peace we have knowing Jesus took care of our sins for us. Beloved, don't harden your hearts against the Lord today! He wants you to have eternal rest, even when this world gives you trouble. “And I rest in the shelter of your love, and I rest in the wonder of your grace!” - Skillet song.......

12-15 These verses tell us not to be so caught up in sin that we turn away from God to pursue our sin instead. And not only to keep ourselves from sin, but to encourage our brothers to do the same. We shouldn't harden our hearts as the Isrealites did, but be faithful in our relationship with the Lord, staying away from sin and drawing closer to him.

16-19 Again, we have the example of the Isrealites to look to. Even after all the things the Lord did for them, they still didn't believe. They still preferred their sin over the rest that God was offering them. We should take this as a warning. Seek God's rest while you still have the time.

Hebrews Chapter Two: Becoming Human

2011-08-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

My tummy is happily full of delicious dinner. If you haven't discovered this for yourself already, bacon makes everything awesome. A moment of silence for bacon now please.

.............*silence*............

For an explanation of how I'm doing this study, please see chapter one's blog post. Alright, Hebrews two:

1 Here we have a warning to pay attention to what we have heard. But if you're anything like me, you're asking what it is we have to pay attention to...

2-4 Here we find the answer: salvation. In verse two it talks about how if every little sin (violation and disobedience) were punished, we would be in trouble. There would be no escape for us. But Jesus provided a way out, and the people that heard him during his ministry on earth passed on the knowledge of how to obtain that sweet salvation. Not only do we have their take on it, but we have signs from the Lord himself and the Holy Spirit burning inside of us.

5-8a At the present time, the angels are above us because they share in the glory of the Lord. But God did not destine them to share in his glory forever. He made us to share in that someday! I'm using an NIV translation of the bible, and in the footnote for verse seven, it mentions that you could also say, "You made him for a little while lower than the angels".

8b Everything in existence is under the power of God. There is nothing and no one more powerful than he is, and although our human bodies limit what we know about heaven and earth, we know God is above all. How wonderful is he!

9 By suffering death and bringing salvation to us, Jesus exalted himself and is once again crowned with glory and honor. Now he's not only our Lord, but our savior. He is our perfect high priest.

10-11 When Jesus suffered death, he not only brought himself glory, but he brought glory to us by washing us clean. The author of salvation, Jesus, made perfect by defeating death. Isn't this like, the most amazing thing ever? Can I get an amen? Now we are all perfect and of the same family, so Jesus doesn't even have a problem with calling us his children and brothers.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
~1 John 3:1

12-15 Psalm 22 is quoted here, and I recommend you take the time to read it right now. Jesus was only able to suffer death by becoming human like us. He took the power of death away from the devil, showing that he had complete power. Death was the only weapon the devil had, and even that was taken away from him at the cross.

16 Again, the lord did all this for us, not for the heavenly beings. When a point keeps being repeated like this, we should take note. This is for us!

17-18 By becoming like one of us, Jesus is able to understand what we're going through. He walked the same earth with all the same temptation and lusts. He knows what it's like, yet he still lived a perfect life. Although he knows we can't be sinless like he was, he provided the example of saying no to temptation by never giving in. The temptation was there, but he never let it have its way. We have the ability to do the same, and say no to the things of this world.

In closing, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for sort of falling off the face of the earth recently. I no longer have a Facebook and won't until next year sometime, but I still check my email every week at the least, so if you need to reach me there you can do that. I'm obviously still active here on my blog as well, so if you'd like to comment me anything, feel free. Have an awesome day! :D

Hebrews Chapter One: Above The Angels

2011-08-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Finally, my study on the book of Hebrews! I'm so excited about being able to study this book with you, I think it's going to be awesome for both you readers and me writer...or something.

Here's how this is going to work: I want you to have your bible with you as you read this study, so instead of typing out each verse word for word, I'm going to put the verse number followed by my notes on the verse. Read the assigned verses in your bible first, and then read the notes here. Alright? Let us begin.

1-2 Back in the old testament, God used prophets to speak his words to his people, but now he uses his son Jesus to speak to each one of us individually. We went from having this indirect connection through other people whom God revealed himself to, to having a direct connection where God speaks exactly what he wants to each one of us.

3 Jesus is an exact representation of God. After he provided a way for us to be purified of sin, he went back to heaven to be that connection to God. The writer is comparing the two here, and saying how God and Jesus are so much alike and in fact, one, so we understand how accessible God is to us now.

4-7 Jesus is above the angels because he is the very son of God! The angels are commended to worship and serve him.

8-9 The throne of God, his heir, his son Jesus, will last forever. It was already explained to us how Jesus is our connection to God, so if Jesus lasts forever, our connection lasts forever.

10-12 Psalm 102 is quoted here, and I highly suggest you take a moment to read through it at this point. God remains the same. He doesn't change his mind or decide to do things differently. This earth and everything in it is going to wear out and come to an end. Isn't it better to put our hope and trust in HIM who will never end and never change?

13-14 Jesus conquered our enemies forever. He has complete control over them, and they must do exactly as he says. The angels don't have this power, they are simply servants. We don't have this power. Only Jesus, who defeated death, the only power the enemy had, has this power.

Another Psalm is quoted here, Psalm 110. After reading it, I think it's a good companion chapter to this one, so I'll take you through it real quick.

"The Lord says to my Lord:
'Sit at my right hand
until I make your enemies
a footstool for my feet.'

The Lord will extend your mighty
scepter from Zion;
you will rule in the midst of your
enemies.
Your troops will be willing
on your day of battle.
Arrayed in holy majesty,
from the womb of the dawn
you will receive the dew of your
youth.

The Lord has sworn
and will not change his mind:
'You are a priest forever,
in the order of Melchizedek.'

The Lord is at your right hand;
he will crush kings on the day of his
wrath.
He will judge nations the nations, heaping up
the dead
and crushing the rulers of the whole
earth.
He will drink from a brook beside the
way;
therefore he will lift up his head."

The key verse for me here is verse four: "'You are a priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek." Melchizedek was the father of a long line of priests, and it was the priest's job to go into the Holy of Holies and ask the Lord to forgive the sins of the people. He was the only one allowed to go into the presence of God and intercede on the behalf of imperfect people, who couldn't be in the presence of God because of their sin. Jesus became the new high priest who closed the gap between us and God. He's our new and prefect priest. We can go to him as often as we like because of what he did for us.

"Such a high priest meets our needs - one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens. Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself."
- Hebrews 7:27

Forgiveness (Because that's all I could come up with)

2011-08-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

BAM! I'm back!

I had the weirdest experience while doing laundry today. I came across my beloved Skillet shirt, the only one I have, which I bought at my first and so far only Skillet concert. I put it on its hanger, and as I straightened it out, admiring it's awesomeness, I had a sudden impulse to kiss it. Yes, I'm about the strangest individual you will ever meet.

Anyways, a lot of things have happened to me in the two weeks I've been gone. Some of them were just normal changes in life, some of them were life altering, and one in particular was amazing. I experienced forgiveness. However commonplace forgiveness may be nowadays, this forgiveness was one of the best feelings I've had in a while.

It starts with sin. I know for a fact that all of you have something you're struggling with. Some of you have told me what that thing is, and some of you might not have told anyone. Whatever it is, I can relate. For a long time now, I'd been living with sin in my life. It didn't seem like a big deal, just little things here and there. But it had been eating me away (Skillet song reference) slowly, bit by bit, until I no longer recognized it as sin.

This is how the enemy works. He knows you. He watches you. He knows where and when you'll be willing to make exceptions. He knows what you desire, what you feel you're lacking, and he will do whatever it takes to make you think you can't get that fulfillment from the Lord.

It's hard to see your sin growing. It might not feel like you're doing anything wrong after a while, so you'll let yourself go further and further until your little sin becomes something you can't control. If I know anything about anything, I'd describe your matured sin as blowing up. Yes, blowing up, and suddenly, everyone knows. No matter how well you hide and cover up the tracks of sin, you'll always get found out.

"My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from me, nor is their sin concealed from my eyes."

~Jeremiah 16:17

I love how I'm right around the same age as most of you lovely readers, because now is the time I can relate to you and what you might be going through. Because I know what you must be thinking: "But I'll just get into more trouble if I tell someone about my sin!" I know, because I've thought the same thing hundreds of times. It's better to just hide the broken vase under the table than to tell your parents and get punished, right?

Going back to my sin. I hid this for so long, and when it did come out and my parents knew, I felt considerably worse. Being disciplined isn't fun. The situation hurt, and I know it was hurting others besides my family too. But I wasn't hiding anymore, and for some reason I thought things would just get better now. I confessed hadn't I?

This wasn't the case however. My relationship with the Lord was hurting, especially in my praying. I was and still am praying about important things right now, and it literally felt like I was praying to the walls. My voice was dead air. Not only were my prayers going nowhere, I couldn't hear the voice of my Lord either. I wasn't sure what he was trying to say at all, and that scared me.

"We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will."
~John 9:31

Last night, as I sat in church praying, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to go to my parents and apologize for what I'd done, and I needed to mean it. I needed forgiveness. I asked the Lord right then and there to forgive me for what I'd done, and to give me the strength, no matter how hard it might be, to never do it again. Instantly, I could feel the Lord's presence around me again. He was there with me, and it felt amazing. As soon as I got back from church, I made things right with my parents.

These next few months are going to be some of the hardest I've had. But I'll wait for a lot longer than that if it means I can remain close to the Lord.

I encourage you guys to make things right in your life as well. Whoever it is you may be hurting through your sin, your family, your friends, or your God, go to them and ask for forgiveness. Say you're sorry and mean it. That's all it takes.

If you like, I'm always willing to listen if you need to talk. Post it on the Get Help page, or send me an email and I'll do my best to help you out. I'm praying for each one of you. I don't want anyone to ever be separated from the Lord.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
~James 5:16

P.S. I'm not able to use Facebook any longer, so if you happen to have one, I would very much appreciate it if you'd take a few seconds to share a link to this blog on your wall. Self promotion I know, but I'm shameless ;)

Nearly Blind

2011-07-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

I wear glasses. All the time. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is put my glasses on. If I loose my glasses I freak out because I can't see well enough to find them! I rely on my glasses to survive.

I view my glasses as a special handicap if you will. I'm glad to answer any and all questions people have about them, and I like talking about them. Odd I know, but I AM odd! In this blog, I'll try to answer all the questions you may have about my glasses, but it will be a challenge considering I can't see you or talk to you. This is a blog after all. If you have a specific question that isn't answered in this blog, comment it below and I'll answer.

History is a good place to start. I got my glasses at the young age of five. My vision problems are hereditary, which is why I needed them so early on. I wore them until I was twelve, however I didn't always like them. I got lucky in school, because back then kids with glasses were made fun of, unlike today where kids think it's cool to wear glasses. Nobody bothered me about them. In second grade, I had to wear an eye patch because of a condition called astigmatism, which means my left eye was much stronger than my right, and it was causing my right eye to go inward instead of straight ahead. Wearing an eye patch over my left eye forced my right one to become stronger, since it had to do all the seeing. Although my left eye is still significantly stronger, I no longer need to wear the eye patch (which is good because those things hurt!).

When I was twelve, I started wearing contacts after I fell off a skateboard and broke my glasses (again). I'd been asking to wear contacts for a while, and when I showed up with broken glasses to my eye doctor again, he recommended to my parents that I get some. I wore them for a little more than a year before they became too expensive for my parents to afford. But even after I ran out of contacts, I refused to wear my glasses. I went frame-less until I was fifteen, at which time my vision bothered me too much for me to go without my glasses anymore. I've worn them ever since.

Now for frequently asked questions:

1. Can you see things that are close up or far off?

You could also ask me if I'm near sighted or far sighted. I'm near sighted, which means I can see things close up much better than things far off.

2. Why is your right lens bigger than your left one?

This is because of the astigmatism I mentioned earlier. My right lens is noticeably bigger than the left because my prescription on that side is stronger.

3. Do you like your glasses?

Sometimes. If I had the option I'd probably choose contacts over my glasses, but for now I've accepted my glasses.

4. Do you really need your glasses?

Unless you'd like me to run into walls and not be able to read then yes, yes I really need them.

5. Can I try on your glasses?

Of course!

The Hero in Green

2011-07-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

This is but one of the legends of which people speak...

One of my heroes is a video game character. I can say this without hesitation. He's recklessly brave, puts his own life on the line countless times, and puts everyone else before himself. His name is Link, the hero of the Legend of Zelda franchise.

Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace. But one day a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand, a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere.

If you've never played this game, you're missing out on a beautifully crafted story. You play as Link, a boy destined to save the land of Hyrule from the evil Ganon, who's set on having ultimate power. The story changes a little bit depending on the game. Sometimes, Link knows from the start that he's the hero of legend. Sometimes he figures it out along his journey. But in every situation, he's ready and eager to help.

Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. The boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...

In the two games I've played, Link has a companion that knows of his destiny and wants to help. In "The Wind Waker", it's a boat...yes, a talking boat that is really the king of Hyrule in disguise. There is an insane amount of ocean you have to sail in that game, so the talking boat is more than practical. In "Twilight Princess", a mysterious creature named Midna tags along with Link, helping him understand the unusual turn of events that has put the people he loves in danger.

But then, a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all though had been forever sealed away by the hero once again crept forth from the depths of the earth to resume its dark designs. The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them...but the hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate. What became of that kingdom? None remain who know.

The "bad guy" in these games, as I mentioned before, wants absolute power over Hyrule, and usually that means Link is targeted with his worst attacks. The typical flow of the game is that some evil befalls your home, you go after it, realize it's the work of Ganon, learn princess Zelda of Hyrule is in danger, and you must go save her. Why she hasn't learned to save herself yet I fail to understand. Once you save her and defeat Ganon, you win the game, and evil disappears from the land. That is, until Ganon reappears and a hero is needed once again.

This is but one of the legends of which people speak...

Besides the awesome story behind the game, the places in the game are beautiful. The night sky in Wind Waker, the Hyrule castle in Twilight Princess, Lake Hylia, they're all so beautiful. Sometimes you have to stop playing and just take in your surroundings. One of my favorite places is the Sacred Grove, a forest where you find the Master Sword, the sword that all the heroes used before you. You need this sword for the final Ganon battle, where you destroy evil for good. (I always hesitate to use absolutes when talking about this game. Is Ganon really gone for good or just until he reappears?)

Now that I have convinced you of my nerdiness, I leave you with this awesome trailer and a timeline of the games (click on the picture to view larger). Have a good day.

Timeline by Tristan.

Welcoming a New Member: Ben, Seth, and Jonathan

2011-07-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

This week is a music blog sort of week, don't you agree? I think I need to take a week off from all this intense stuff anyway. Let's talk about Skillet, shall we? OK!

I've had a Tumblr blog for a couple of months now, mostly because I enjoy blogging so much that I needed a daily blog as well as a weekly blog. There are a lot of obsessive weirdos on Tumblr, so I was fitting right in with my Legend of Zelda/Skillet blog. I had a ridiculously small amount of followers for the first month, but I didn't care. I was having fun blogging! I didn't care who cared.

I follow a lot of Skillet blogs, and one day, as I was checking out my feed, I noticed I had a lot of Skillet spam. Hundreds of pictures of John, Jen, Korey, and even Seth decorated my feed. I was enjoying it, until I got close to the end of my feed and I hadn't seen a single picture of Ben. As is my way, I got a little upset and completely changed my blog to a blog about Ben Kasica. You can see it here.

History lesson break: Skillet is composed of John Cooper, (hey, Skillet just came on the radio!) who plays bass and sings, Korey Cooper, who sings back-up and plays keys and guitar, and Jen Ledger, who sings back-up and plays drums. Up until February, they had a forth member, Ben Kasica, who played lead guitar. But Ben left the band to pursue other things, and spend more time devoted to his other ministries. Ben was my favorite member of the band, so I was pretty heart broken when he announced his departure. I've written before of how that was the final nail in the coffin for my Skillet obsession, long story, you can read about it here.

Along with may other "Panheads" (Skillet fans), I eagerly awaited the reveal of the new guitar player. A lead guitarist is essential to Skillet's live shows, so we all new it had to happen soon. Our anticipation was quickly rewarded, as rumors of a new trial guitarist sprang up. His name was Jonathan Salas.

I Googled his name the minute I heard, and was... disappointed to say the least. I knew that it would be hard if not impossible for Skillet to find someone to replace the likes of Ben, but I knew they could do better than this. He wasn't a bad guitarist, in fact he was quite talented, I'm not saying he wasn't. But he wasn't Skillet. He didn't fit in, he wasn't what Skillet needed, it just didn't work for me. Apparently it wasn't working for Skillet either, as no more than a month after Jonathan started touring with them, he left.

More drama ensued among the Panhead community. We had to say goodbye to Ben, welcome Jonathan, and say goodbye to Jonathan in such close proximity, and now a new guitarist was on the way. I have to admit that during these events, I was in an all time Skillet obsession low, so I'm not entirely sure how things went, but as April came to a close, Seth Morrison entered the Skillet.

I liked him much better than Jonathan. I liked him before he even joined Skillet. He entered a contest Thousand Foot Krutch was holding for a new guitarist, and I voted for him. I was pretty happy that he was going to try out my favorite band, twice...

You can see Seth in action with Skillet here.

The main point of this post is to let my fine Tumblr followers and blogger followers alike that I'm not holding anything against Seth for replacing my favorite guitarist. I might sound a little bitter at times, but I really enjoy the changes, and I'm eager to see if Seth stays or not, and what he's going to bring to the next record. I'm also excited about what Ben has been doing with his recording company Skies Fall Studios, and his clothing line with Life. Love. Music. I have a blog devoted to him yes, but I'm no longer sad about his departure. I will miss his involvement with Skillet very much, but all of us have to go through changes, and follow the path the Lord is leading us down. I wish Ben, Seth, and Jonathan the best in their new careers!

Getting Back Up = The Hardest Part

2011-07-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

Failure. It's one of the things I'm most afraid of. Something about my personality makes failure the worst possible scenario. I'm most satisfied when things work out. I know I'm not alone in this. I've met plenty of other people who are crushed when they fail. I think it's part of human nature. We like to have control over things. We like when we get things right. Some people more than others, but I'm sure nobody likes being wrong.

However, failure is unavoidable. All of us at some point are going to fail. I've done so myself in the past week or so. I'll admit that something as small as what I did can make me pretty depressed. I let things people said get under my skin and fester. I think of all the ways I could have done things different or better. It's another symptom of having an overactive mind, over thinking situations that don't matter that much.

A friend told me something while I was in the middle of it all that made me think. She told me we all fail, but it's what we do with it that matters. Are we going to let it crush us, or are we going to learn from it and move on? Are we going to be the ones that huddle in the corner and cry, or are we going to be the ones that stand up, superior over our imperfect flesh, and keep fighting the battle that God has placed us in?

I've been through a lot in my short life, but I can't think of one thing that I didn't gain experience from that I later used to help someone else. Not one time was the pressure and pain so much that I couldn't get back up again. Now, it was hard, there's no doubt about that. But failure is just another trial that makes you stronger. You look at the pieces of your broken life, decide how you could do things better next time or avoid making the same mistake, and praise the Lord for bringing you through yet again!

Sometimes, it's best to give God control of the situation. Especially when you're at the lowest points, it's important to surrender everything to him. He knows what he wants you to learn from this, whether it's to make you stronger or to show you that you've been doing some things wrong.

My advice to you, beloved, you who's a failure just like me, is pray. Spend time with your savior. Talk to him about what's going on, no matter how small or how stupid it may sound in your mind. Read your bible, and seek the answers he wants you to find. It's at these times that you're broken and helpless that God can teach you the most, because those are the times you come running to the arms of your Creator.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

As you know, I'm always here to talk if you need me. You can leave a comment on the "Get Help" page for other people to see and pray for you, or if you need a little more than that, you can always email me. I'm more than happy to talk and pray with you. If you don't want to do that, I encourage you to find someone who can help you. Go talk to your youth leader or someone older and more experienced who will give you Godly criticism and tell you the best thing to do. Don't do it alone, that's one of the worst things to do. I speak from experience in that. Pray, pray, pray, and I know you will come out of this better than you were before.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"
- Romans 8:35

It's Time to Redefine your Deophobic Mind

2011-07-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

Something that bothers me a lot is when non-Christians think Christians have it all together. I don't know how often this is the case, but I have met and heard of people who don't think they're good enough to be accepted by God. They think that they're too far gone to turn back now. They think that Christians will judge them because they're messed up.

This doesn't make sense to me for a number of reasons. First of all, I consider myself to be a Christian. I go into my relationship in greater detail here. I can honestly tell you that I am just as messed up as you. I don't care what you've done or where you're at right now, I have been there or have been on the path myself. I struggle with things on a daily basis that would make me a hideous ugly person if I actually went through with those things. I'm not any better than you are.

The only difference between me and the person who's not saved is grace. All the wrong things I've done and have yet to do are covered by the grace of Jesus, like they never happened.

Look at it this way: There's me, and there's my friend, and we've just come back from a crazy ride on our ATVs in the rain and mud. We're filthy, covered from head to toe in mud. We know we're going to get in big trouble for this, because our clothes are white, and my friend's mom is the ultimate neat freak. That mud and dirt represent sin, or all the gross bad things we've done in our lives. In order to go into the nice warm house where there's hot chocolate and Skillet CDs to be blasted, we need to somehow remove ourselves from our dirty state. That house represents heaven. (Yes of course we need Skillet in heaven!) The grace that Jesus showed to us when he died on the cross is like the water hose we go to to wash off the dirt from our bodies. It removes that which we couldn't remove by our own power. You see, there's only one way in, and that's through the water, through Jesus Christ.

"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

- John 14:6

You may be asking then, "If God just takes away all our sins, why is there even a need for good and bad? Why do we have a conscience that makes us feel horrible when we've done something wrong?" It's a good question, one I've wondered myself. Going back to the dirt illustration, not having a knowledge of good and bad would be like me and my friend not knowing what dirt was, and therefore we would have no fear of access into the house being denied. But God has given us the ability to understand what is good or what is bad, so we know not to do it. That's why murder is illegal. That's why rape is frowned upon. That's why we have laws that must be obeyed.

The law made us realize just how messed up we were. There have been numerous cases in my life where I've tried to do one thing again and again and failed. Sometimes, people standing on the outside looking in on the Christians are doing the same thing. They've tried and tried, but still they can't get things right. They still screw everything up and are worse off than before. I know how they feel, I've been there.

"The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace incresed all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

- Romans 5:20-21

What this verse is saying is that the law was given to us so we could look at our lives and realize the need for help. If we never knew anything was wrong, how would we know we needed to be saved? We wouldn't know that the dirt in our lives was pushing us farther and farther away from God. But the best part is, we do know. We have been shown that we need a savior, and he's gone ahead and saved us before hand. Grace increased all the more, so we might be saved from eternal punishment.

It wasn't by anything I did. I knew I was messed up, and I still mess up sometimes. But Jesus covered me with his grace by taking the penalty of death for me on the cross, so that no matter how many times I fail, I can still come to him and know that I'm forgiven.

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

- Acts 4:12

"For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

- John 6:40

"And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace."

- Romans 11:6

Love (no, not the fake kind, the real kind)

2011-06-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 3: 14-19 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, The Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Recently, I've been feeling a deep sense of loneliness, like no one really cares or even wants to care. I feel like ever since I moved here two and a half years ago, it's been hard for me to regain that sense of closeness. I'm guessing it's because I'm afraid of when I have to leave again, and I'll have to go through the same thing all over again. It's a useless fear that will get me nowhere, but it's still there.

I came across this verse, and its impact on me was so great. I can go to the creator of the universe, and he will share some of His power with me? It's insane. As we trust in him more and more, our roots grow deeper in his love.

I may leave people I love a lot during this life. But I am firmly rooted in the love of the creator. When I leave, I know he's there. When I feel lonely, I know I'm rooted in his love. I have this love to try and understand, I can't even understand fully no matter how long I live or how smart I am. It's impossible to fully grasp the depth of his love. Is that sinking in with you? Here on earth, we may have relationships that are so shallow, we can figure them out in a day, or we may even see the end of someone's love for us. But God's love...the full extent of it can't even fit into our brains. He has more than enough for you, for me, and for every single person on earth. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully.

I know there's people out there who are going through a broken heart, abandonment, or maybe a period of loneliness as I am. I hope that you'll be encouraged as you read the words of your father in heaven. He competes you, not a boy, not your family, not even your best friend. They play a big part in showing you the love of God, but until you experience him for yourself, you will always be missing something.

Lord, I pray that you use me as an example. I'm not perfect, far from it. I have hard times, I can't say all the right things. In general, I know I'm a failure. But God, with you I'm made perfect in my weakness. You love me. You love me. You love me! Help me to share that love everywhere I go today.

I would love to pray for you personally. You can comment on my blog if you would like that, you don't even have to put why. Just ask for prayer. I promise I'll pray with you and for you. If you like I can call you and talk to you as well. If you really need to talk, you can email me: sckpanhead@gmail.com

Have an awesome pancake day! -Selena

June 21, 2006

2011-06-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

A lot of you might not know this, or if you do you have been so kind as to not bring it up around me, but five years ago today, my second brother was born. If you've ever met my family, you know that I have two younger sisters and ONE younger brother, so a mention of a second brother might come as a shock. The reason you've never heard of my little brother Peter, is because he no longer lives here on earth, but in heaven with his creator.

This is going to be the first time I really come out and say anything about it. I think after five years, I'm finally brave enough to talk about it. God uses every situation, even the passing of little brothers, for His glory, and I'm hoping through Peter's story, you can see one of the many times that has happened in my life.

I was twelve when he was born. It was a crazy day, to say the least. I don't think it's necessary to go into the details of that day, but compilations required an unplanned hospital visit (he was supposed to be born at home like my first brother), and the loss of my brother's life.

We held him for a long time that day, looking at his features, rubbing his hair, talking to him. He looked so much like he was sleeping, and I'd like to believe he was. He woke up for the first time in the arms of his Father, his true eternal Father.

I cried at the hospital, that's to be expected I guess. I cried at his funeral. I hugged my family that had come to say goodbye to this relative they had never met. It hurt, nothing has ever felt worse in my whole life since then, and I wanted more than anything to make it go away. I buried within myself, not talking to anyone about it, not looking at Peter's grave stone, nothing. I thought if I could only keep him out of mind, I could forget about it and move on. I tried so hard sometimes to pretend like nothing was wrong, but there was a lot of instances where I lost it in front of family or friends.

I did get over it for the most part. I was entering a crucial stage in my life, and things were happening that helped me to keep my mind off my brother. Much to my relief, I didn't have to try anymore. I thought this was the end of it. Peter was a memory, a family member that had gone on before me, and I was better now.

That wasn't the end though. As my relationship with God, my personality, and my situation drastically changed in the years following, I have been thinking of Peter in different ways. I've mostly been wondering why. It's not an angry question, but more of a curious question. I find myself saying, "Why God? What purpose did my brother's life serve to me?" I knew there must be a reason, a cause, something behind this experience.

I blogged about my Jeremy Camp concert not too long ago. What I didn't mention was something special that happened that night, a sort of realization, an answer to a question I guess you could say. If you don't know this man's story, you should go find it somewhere, because I don't want to ruin the story in any way. All you need to know is that he has experience with loss in his life as well, and he talks about it a lot. He talked about it both times I've seen him, and both times I thought of my brother. But the most recent time I saw him, he talked about how even death could become a good thing. If one person dies, isn't it worth it if one person could come to the realization of the Truth because of it?

If one person, only one, were to hear my brother's story and accept their savior because of it, then the short life he lived would be worth it. That was the thought I dwelled on for the remainder of the concert. I might never know who came into contact with my family and my brother that day. I may never meet some of the doctors and nurses that were on duty on June 21 five years ago. But if only one of them started searching because of what happened........

I hope that my brother's story impacts you in some way today. I pray that you can see my hope of seeing him again someday, that you can sense how much I loved him, that you can realize that God brings beauty out of pain. Sure, this may be hard for me, but if God can use me and my brother to bring people to Christ, then I would do it all over again. His life shows that God counted me worthy to suffer for his name, God knew I was strong enough to handle this, and he knew that it would help me, even five years later, to see his awesome power at work in the life of someone as shy and introverted as I am. I don't ask why anymore, because all that shows is a lack of faith in my Father in this situation. God has done awesome things in my life, and you better believe that he can do awesome things in your life as well.

It's my prayer that you can read my story today and be encouraged. I pray that if you haven't experienced God's power in your life yet, that you will allow Him in. I pray that you stop faking, that you stop hurting, that you stop pretending, and make this real. But mostly I pray that my brother's life makes a difference in this world, no matter how small.

If you want to talk to me more about my brother, I'd be glad to talk. If you have questions, I'd be glad to answer. Comment them, post them on my blog's Facebook wall, or send me an email if you wish. I'm here for you.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me,

if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -

the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

Acts 20:24

No Blog Today

2011-06-17T11:44:00.001-07:00

It's been a really crazy week, I had a late night last night, I'm about to leave on a five hour car trip in a little bit, and all this weekend I will be busy visiting old friends. I didn't have time to write a blog for today, I apologize if it's any disappointment to you. There will be a special blog on Tuesday that I'm sure you will want to read, so be sure to come back for that. In the mean time, I hope you all have an awesome and safe Father's day weekend!

-Selena (Sckpanhead)

Ice Cream, James Bond, and Shopping

2011-06-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

I know I've been starting off most of my blogs lately with "I had no idea what to write, and then....." But that's how it was again this week. The only problem is, I usually get that last minute inspiration on Thursday, not on Friday an hour before my blog's supposed to launch.

I do have pretty legit excuses this time. My best friend from Nevada is currently staying with me, and we're already a whole week into the vacation. It's been crazy to say the least. Another one of my legit reasons (I like saying legit) is that usually, when I write, I write what's on my heart. I write my true feelings, and honestly, my true feelings right now are just too personal to put up online.

But still I feel like I should write about something.........

Like I said before, this weekend has been crazy on account of my friend sharing my house. She's even stolen my bed, but I'm not going to dwell on that. Back where I used to live, and where she is from, things are very different than they are here in the great state of California. We went shopping last night, and she couldn't get over that we had EVERYTHING, not just a few select stores. She keeps asking us if we have this store or that store, and we keep telling her that we pretty much have everything. She obviously had a good time shopping last night.

Another thing they don't have where she's from is ice cream trucks, where as here we have at least three that pass by my house every day. Once she found this out, she told me that we were going to buy ice cream every day for the remainder of her vacation (oh great). So let me paint a picture for you. It's a hot summer afternoon, the ice cream melodies are playing somewhere off in the distance, and two teenage girls come running down the street, and I mean running, waving their money and wondering why the truck isn't stopping. Yep, those two teenagers were me and my friend, and we almost missed the truck. But she was determined to get that ice cream. Do you know how hard it is to run outside in the afternoon where I live? It's hot man! And besides that, I didn't have time to put my shoes on! But we got the Batman ice cream. We got the Batman ice cream....

Another thing we've been doing is playing a lot of video games. I'm more of a single player gamer, you know, Legend of Zelda and the like. But my friend has been making me play James Bond two player with her. I know guys like girls who play video games, and especially girls who play shooter games. But regardless of the fact that we take part in a very stereotypical guy game, we still play like girls. Most guys would be strategic as they play this game. They would place bombs and use the sniper guns to make the most unexpected and deadly kill they can. But my friend and I play different. We wander around until we find the other, placing trip mines behind us in case we're being followed, and when we finally find each other we scream and start firing at each other until someone dies. It's very enjoyable.

So that's what I've been up to. If you have any suggestions as to places we could go or things we could do, my friend and I would be very appreciative. Don't forget that you can now follow my blog on Facebook. See you next week!

How man killed God

2011-06-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

One thing you should know about me before we start this blog is that I'm homeschooled, and I'm proud of it. Although I'm trying very hard to stop, I often speak out very strongly against public schools and what they are doing to my generation of people, especially on the subject of God and living for Him. Christians are not accepted in the schools anymore. Let me say, I have many good friends that made it through public school just fine, I'm not saying it's impossible to get through public school un-scarred. But if it isn't one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do in your life, then you must be super Christian or something.

Personally, I never would have made it through public school. With my odd personality, my issues, and pretty much everything about me, I would be a very different person. I probably wouldn't be writing this blog. I know almost for sure that I wouldn't be playing keyboards or singing. And I hate to even think about this, but I might have never made my relationship with my Lord real. I know that homeschooling is not an option for some parents, or for whatever reason they can't homeschool. But it's my belief that if there was no such thing as public school, the world would be greatly benefited.

Anyways, THAT could turn itself into it's own blog. The thing I want to discuss today is my least favorite subject: science. I want you to know that for the first time in my blogging history, I did research for this blog! I actually read other material, was inspired by a source other than my own mind or music, and I have books open in front of me. BOOKS! This should be a very special blog.

Back in the 1600s, a little something called the Age of Enlightenment was taking place. Great minds such as Galileo, Copernicus, and Kepler were making discoveries that would change the way mankind looked at the world around them forever. It was the age of discovery, the scientific revolution, and the abandonment of God.

What, you say? The abandonment of God?

Why yes, dear reader. You see, now that man had all this modern science, man suddenly had the power to explain and prove how the world worked. There was no need for superstitious beliefs in a Creator. Faith wasn't necessary if you knew how everything worked. If you could suddenly explain the existence of man, how we moved, how we worked, how we fit into the universe, God loses His power. He's not needed any longer. We had taken the power away from God and had placed it into the hands of man. In other words, man was now god.

This subject was an entire history lesson in my school work a couple of days ago. Of course, in my homeschooled mind, I immediately put two and two together to make four, or, in this case, the public schools. Man had all this knowledge now that needed to be passed on. Think about it: Where is the place you first head about science, the earth, and how it worked? Where were you when you learned of man's power to explain things without the help of God? If you answered 'school', you're in the majority. We are learning how to disprove God in the place we go to everyday. We trust the schools to give us the information we need to get through this world.

OK, time out. Now for me, all the stuff I learn in school strengthens my faith in my Lord, With every turn of my history books, I'm encouraged to take my relationship to new levels. I'm taught how to be a light in this dark world. In biology, I'm taught how God's creation is so complex and amazing that it could only have com from an extremely intelligent creator. In literature, I often read books written by people who were so infatuated with their God that their writings spill over with His love and grace. In math class, I'm tormented with numbers and calculations and.....

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I am taught so differently than kids in schools. I'm learning the same stuff. I'm advancing in the same ways as far as academics goes. I'm no better than them when it comes to knowledge and understanding. The difference is in the way I'm taught. The root, the driving force behind everything I'm learning, is my God. In public schools, the force behind all those textbooks is man. Their lessons were created by a man who may or may not believe in the Creator.

"The scientific revolution opened a question that humanists are still trying to answer. If God does not exist or is irrelevant to human life, and if man is not the center of a vast universe, what is the nature and purpose of human life? Secular humanists have no satisfying answer to this. The correct answer is that God does exist and does matter. His creation - from the wonders of the atom to the wonders of the amazing but finite universe - gives Him glory and honor, and man is a unique (though fallen) part of that creation, designed to worship Him." Exploring World History part 2: The Renaissance to the Present, pg. 533

Am I against public schools? Yes. If it was up to me, they would be closed and the funding going to the things that make sense. But if they would teach the things that really matter, that it is not science and knowledge that saves us, but the power of our Savior Jesus, then the world would be different, don't you think?

Check out the great article that played a big part in inspiring this blog here, and to see my awesome curriculum that is teaching me how to be a better person, you can click here.

The heavens are telling of the glory of God;

And their expanse is declaring the work of his hands.

Psalm 19:1

Winners of The Sckpanhead Awards 2011!

2011-05-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

The votes are in, and the winners have been picked! The results for The Sckpanhead Awards shall be revealed right here, within this very blog, but first, I have a few things to say.

Firstly, I would like to say thank you to all of you that voted. I didn't have very many people voting, but they ones who did were awesome and came back multiple times throughout the past two weeks to help me make this a reality. Honestly, when I started this, I didn't think it was going to go anywhere. I thought, "Well, I'm probably going to end up getting no votes the first week, and have to end it prematurely, or vote myself the whole time, or something." But I got enough votes to not only have second and third place winners, but there was even some last minute competition!

Secondly, if you were an observer or a voter, I would like your opinion on how I did things. I'm trying to make my blog a little bigger, get more readers, and lots more traffic, so I want to know how I did to plan for next year when I (hopefully) have more readers.

So anyways, on to the fun part! The winners of The Sckpanhead Awards ARE......

Male vocalist of the year:

1. JOHN COOPER (Skillet)

2. Trevor McNevan

3. Ryan Clark

Female vocalist of the year:

There was a tie between TRICIA BROCK (Superchic[k]) and DAWN MICHELLE (Fireflight)

Jen Ledger pulled in after that.

Artist of the year:

1. RED

2. KJ-52

3. As I lay Dying

Song of the year:

1. U DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT (FM Static)

2. Christ Is Risen (Matt Maher) :( This song should have totally won

3. Deafening (Disciple)

Album of the year (released in 2010/2011):

1. MY BRAIN SAYS STOP, BUT MY HEART SAYS GO! (FM Static)

2. Outta Space Love (Group 1 Crew)

3. H&H (Demon Hunter)

Music Video of the year:

1. CAN'T SHUT UP (Anthem Lights)

In Division and Parallels tied for second.

Winner pictures will be posted on the Facebook page.

Thursdays and Jeremy Camp

2011-05-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

A Thursday blog! I love having control like this!

Anyways, I felt like I needed to do more writing than the big reveal of the winners tomorrow, and I have the perfect excuse to do it. What's my excuse you say? I went to an amazing concert that's what! Saturday evening, I had the privilege to see Francesca Battistelli and Jeremy Camp. I went into it knowing it was going to be a pretty awesome concert, because it was outside and there was only going to be around 2,000 people there. But I didn't know just how awesome it would turn out.

I heard about the concert at the Rock and Worship Roadshow I mentioned going to earlier in the year, and being me, I promptly made up my mind to go. I figured my father could be talked into going with me somehow, especially if I payed for the tickets. As time went by and the concert got closer, I mentioned to some people at church that I wanted to go, and was then offered tickets by some 'inside' people for ten dollars each (the normal price was fifteen). Of course I accepted the offer, and purchased two tickets, one for me and one for my mom or dad to come with me.

My parents, however, decided that neither of them wanted to go with me about a week before the concert. I was stuck with two tickets and no way to get there. "How hard could this be?" I asked myself, "I have a free ticket to the Jeremy Camp concert, I'll put an advertisement on Facebook: Free ticket for any adult who can put up with me the entire evening." It worked, I was now going with my Aunt and my cousin.

I took my sister along with the extra ticket, since everyone else in my party already had tickets. We got to the venue (a church in the country) super early, which of course made me super happy. It wouldn't be possible to push my way to the front at this concert, because they had it roped off for people who were willing to pay more to get in, but at least we would still be close. It turns out my cousin had a friend who payed for both him and my aunt to get into the special roped off area, and my aunt understood that these tickets included a meet and greet. She was going to turn it down, but instead she realized that she had a music fanatic with her who would love to have that piece of paper. In case you were wondering, I'm referring to me. So I scored a Gold Circle ticket for ten dollars. Happiness.

They let us in much earlier than the general public, and we wandered around looking at merchandise while the sound check finished up. I soon got bored of that, and threw myself down on the grass. time had never passed so slowly.

Finally sound check ended, and it was a mad dash for the best seats. My group got spots in the very front, all the way in the right corner. That's when I started freaking out. To explain how close I was to the stage, I would be able to touch them if I so desired, and I could see pimples and sweat. And as if it existed for no other purpose than to torture me, time slowed itself down even more.

[Insert two hours that felt like days]

...............................................

......................................................

...............................................

.....................

AND THEN FINALLY IT STARTED!! The first guy was pretty good, it was just him and his guitar, and honestly, I don't remember his name. He played three worship songs, and then they brought out Francesca. I never liked her, I still don't but I was in the front row. I could try and memorize chords if I wanted. After she finished (that took a long time too), I was afraid they would try and drive me insane with an intermission. They didn't, but the people that actually had meet and greet money (notice I said money not tickets) went backstage for their time with Jeremy at this point. It didn't bother me, I had a pretty clear view of everything that was going on back there. That is until they disappeared behind a bus. But they finished up and Jeremy finally went on stage.

I got some good pictures, I cried, I head banged, and I did my best to freak out everyone around me as I usually do. Long story short, I had a great time. During the last song, I made my way over to the merch tables. One thing was for sure, I was going to be first in line to get my poster and CD signed.

When the concert ended, everyone left surprisingly fast. I was excited about being the only one waiting for an autograph, but then again, if I was the only one, Jeremy probably wouldn't come out. My party found me, and I was glad to find out that there was another group of people also waiting. Everyone left, and they started to pack up the tables. All the merch guy would tell us was that Jeremy might be coming out. He never gave us a solid answer until we were about ready to give up. But Jeremy did decide to come out, all for me and the fifteen or so people who had waited faithfully. Guess what? I was first in line.

So yep. It was pretty much an awesome night, besides the fact that I had church the next morning, and by the time I got home I had a really bad headache on account of being next to the bass speakers the whole night which prevented me from getting much sleep. But I can now add Jeremy camp to my list of people I have met, and add my poster to my collection of signed posters in my room. Goodbye, and have a good Thursday.

I Didn't Forget the Title This Time!

2011-05-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

We are now at the halfway point of voting! I'm going to count up all the votes thus far and delete all the comments, so don't worry that all your lovely votes are missing. Your vote still counts. Remember to vote today and everyday in the upcoming week! Voting ends Thursday, May 26 at 8 o'clock PM. On to the blog...

This was another one of those weeks where I didn't have a topic to write about. But unlike last time, it isn't a result of procrastination. I've been thinking of what to write about all week, and even the week before that. My mind is just too busy to dwell on one thought for too long. I woke up this morning knowing that it was Friday, knowing my blog wasn't written, and for the most part, knowing why, and I felt almost a little guilty. I had allowed myself to get so caught up in the exciting weeks ahead, in minor drama, and other not-so-important things that it didn't leave enough time to slow down and really think.

I stumbled out of bed like a half dead zombie (is that a redundant statement?),grabbed my Zune, and walked out to the living room where it was freezing. The plan was for me to get up early and write my blog before I did anything else, but when my alarm went off and a gazillion thoughts were still running through my head, I knew that probably wasn't going to happen.

Before I go any further, let me explain to you what all's going on. Tomorrow night, I'm going to see Jeremy Camp with most of my church. I am so pumped about that, I know it's going to be a lot of fun. The weekend after that, I'm going to visit my hometown five hours away for a wedding. At this point, I'm actually more excited about that. I haven't been there for almost a year now, and I miss a lot of my friends there. But honestly, I'm also a little scared. Last time I went, the changes in me suddenly became so evident. It wasn't where I belonged anymore, and if I didn't belong there, where did I belong? This time, I'm planning on going as a visitor, not a returning citizen. The weekend after this, my best friend is coming over to spend two weeks with me. We'll be living under the same roof for two weeks, sharing the same room, doing EVERYTHING together, and just having a blast in general.

I'm looking forward to all these things so much, I thought I didn't have time for much else. But still my mind manages to cram more in. I'm thinking about going to the doctor for Over Active Mind Syndrome. So as I sat out in my living room, knowing that my first priority was not to write a blog, but to clear my mind of at least some things. I turned on my Zune, and played the first song in the playlist I had made last night to run to. The song was A Little More by Skillet. And it was then that I realized the answer to all this craziness going on in my head.

As I listened to the song, it was almost as if God was reasurring me that I didn't have to worry about what was going to happen in the next few weeks. When I felt like it was all left up to me, like I had to make all the descisions, It was Him that held me tighter and showed me what He wanted. "Love is all around you now, so take a hold." As my thoughts built themselves up to an alarming degree, and I wondered about anything and every thing, I thought deeply about the words I was hearing, "Don't suffocate day after day, it's building up. Cause when you're feeling weak, you know I'm strong enough". That was my problem right there. I was thinking it was my job, when all this time I needed to start giving things over to God before I suffocated, smothered by the things I worried about most.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

The chorus of this song declares that the world can come crashing down, but love can take it. Again, something I needed to hear. Who cares if things don't work out the way I wanted them to? God knows the way He wants things to work, God knows what he has for me, why should I be so concerned with what I can't control? "Let the world crash, love can take it, oh, let the world come crashing down!"

Probably my favorite part of the whole song is the bridge, "You can find me anywhere. Take a look over your shoulder, I'll be standing there". And this is the point of the morning I found myself choking back tears. Of course, all this time I had simply to take a look behind me, and I could have seen that God was right beside me this whole time I was trying to figure things out.

This morning, as I was trying to regain control of my own life, a simple song reminded me that my life was not mine to regain control of. But instead, this morning, I'm giving control back over to God, knowing that my life will be much safer in the hands of the One who knows exactly how things are going to work out.

And now, I'm here, a blog written, a full day of work to do, an awesome weekend ahead of me, and only one decision remains: Should I bring back the Skillet obsession????

The Sckpanhead Awards Final Nominations

2011-05-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

The nominations are in! Starting today, right now, voting is open for The Sckpanhead Awards 2011! I want to say a personal thank you to all of you who have nominated, I didn't get as many as I thought I would, but I got a nice variety from those of you who did. Without you, this would have been very biased and boring for sure. Before we begin the fun part of this whole thing, let me go over the rules (yes, there are, indeed, rules).

1. You may vote one time per day in each category.
2. Unlike nominations, voting is only allowed here on the blog, so you must comment your votes at the end of this or any other blog.
3. In order for your votes to be counted as valid, you must enter your name. If you can't figure out how to do this, just put your name in the comment. It can be a screen name or a fake name if you desire.

Reader, it is now in your hands! Here are the categories along with final nominations:

Male vocalist of the year

Ryan Clark (Demon Hunter)
David Hostetter (Children 18:3)
Matt Maher
Josh Gilbert (As I Lay Dying)
John Cooper (Skillet)
Trevor McNevan (Thousand Foot Krutch/FM Static)

Female Vocalist of the year

Dawn Michelle (Fireflight)
Britt Nicole
Jen Ledger (Skillet)
Tricia Brock (Superchick)

Artist of the year

Showbread
As I Lay Dying
Lecrae
Red
Disciple
KJ-52

Song of the year

Deafening (Disciple)
Anger and Apathy (As I Lay Dying)
Wonder I (Children 18:3)
Christ Is Risen (Matt Maher)
U Don't Know Me Like That (FM Static)

Album of the year (Released 2010/2011)

H&H (Demon Hunter)
The Powerless Rise (As I Lay Dying)
Outta Space Love (Group 1 Crew)
My Brain Says Stop, But My Heart Says Go (FM Static)

Music Video of the year

In Division (Underoath)
Parallels (As I Lay Dying)
Cover Your Eyes (Children 18:3)
Can't Shut Up (Anthem Lights)

Voting will be open from now until May 26 at 8:00 PM. I, Selena, am allowed two votes. I'm going to post them both today just to get them over with, but remember, only one vote per day. If you are having technical difficulties feel free to contact me, or you can look at my comments for an example. All of you who vote will receive a little something special from me when voting is over, even if you only vote once. It would mean a lot to me if you voted everyday. (OK, if I actually get someone who voted every day, I would totally be so happy with them.)

Have fun!!!!

Giveaway!

2011-05-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

No people, I'm not actually doing a giveaway, but there is one going on right now for a really awesome looking program on the Just 2 Techy blog I follow. Check out the original post here: http://www.just2techy.com/2011/05/best-slideshow-maker-giveaway.html You don't need to have a Google account to enter, and it's entirely free. Check out this video demonstration of the product:

This is getting me three entries, so thank you for putting up with my non-Friday blogging. I'll see you all tomorow!

On Religion and Relationships

2011-05-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Check the news in the sidebar to see a list of the nomeniees for The Sckpanhead Awards 2011! Don't see your favorite? Comment on any blog and tell me so! Remember, I still have the complete list yet to be revealed, but to secure your favorite music on the list I'm going to need your nomination.

My last few blogs have been about music, and as much as I want to do another on that same subject, I feel like it would be only fair to give you lovely readers a break. So in this blog, I will only quote songs instead of talking about them in over-detail. Sound good?

Ok, so I was listening to music in my iTunes library (oh man, how did I miss that one?), and I noticed that a whole album by Thousand Foot Krutch had been put into the genre "religious" by iTunes. That got under my skin just a little bit. So many people have called me religious, indirectly and directly. I thought I was religious for a long time before I really understood what it was I had. I don't have religion at all, and using my own words, I will try to describe to you what I do have.

A super long time ago, when I was around eight, I gave my life to the Lord. This meant, in my little brain, that I would go to church, be a good girl, and pay attention in Sabbath and latter Sunday school. Up until the time I was fourteen, it didn't have any real meaning to it. It was litterally a routine that I followed because I had to, not because it was something I necessarily enjoyed doing. This, you could say, is religion. It's a routine, something people use to feel better about themselves or become closer to God, something people are forced to do, or like me, something you do because it was how you were raised. It's empty. Now some people may get a lot out of religion, I'm not saying it's a bad thing at all. I know some great people who identify with a religion, and they're still on fire for God. It wasn't working for ME specifically.

When I became 14, I started going to a youth group where God was real. He wasn't this big know-it-all in the sky anymore, he was a real person who desired me. He wanted me, he loved me. That was something that blew my mind at the time. I had never experienced God like this. Slowly, over the next four years and counting, God has been making himself real to me. I don't go to church because I have to, but because I want to learn about my savior more. I don't serve to stay busy, I do it because it's just one of the many ways I can show God I love him. At this point, what I have with God is called a relationship.

Now when people ask me if I'm religious, I respond with, "No, I just have a relationship with my savior."

If we look at this in relationship terms, it makes so much more sense. What do you think of when you think of religion? I think of candles for some unknown reason, but really, what do you think of? What about relationship? Totally different thing right?

Relationships require love, time, devotion, understanding, and work. God loves me, obviously. But I have been discovering so many other feelings and emotions God has toward me. He's patient with me when I try to go off and do my own thing. He's understanding when I come crying back to his arms because my way didn't work out. He's forgiving, even when I've gone and done the same thing over and over again. And one of my favorites, he's merciful. I can't tell you how much I enjoy God's grace, his chance to start over again like nothing ever happened. He makes me feel safe, like nothing could ever happen to me, no matter what. It's a hard thing to explain, but it's like total peace, like, "What can man do to me? I've got the maker of the universe right here!" What's amazing is that I didn't earn all this. It was given to me! God doesn't want you to clean yourself up before you come to him. He wants you to come just as you are so HE can clean you up and help you grow. There's nothing like seeing God get rid of an undesirable thing in your life.

He wants me, he desires me. HE....loves....ME! Even before I knew what love was, he picked me out to be his. He slowly wooed me until I said yes, and now I'm falling more and more in love. There's this song I love right now (here I go again), it's by Brandon Heath, and it's called Stolen if you want to look it up. It goes like this: You catch me like a thief in the night, you hold me when I put up a fight, you chase me when I run from Your light. Because You love, you won't give up 'til my heart is stolen. I'm trying to understand that life comes after dying, and to embrace that I'm a slave until I'm captured. But You would never use a lock or a key, 'cause I am free.

It's all God, none of it was me. I could never repay him for what he's done to me, but I wanna start by giving him all of me. I never want to hold anything back from the One who won me over before I knew it myself.

The Sckpanhead Awards 2011 (TSA)

2011-04-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hey you! Yes you, sitting there, staring at me. Or staring at my words I guess. I have something really great to tell you. Jesus loves you, hecka loves you. I mean, like super lots. He did the greatest thing anyone could ever do for you, he took all that bad stuff you did today, and FORGOT about it! Just wiped it out of his memory! He's awesome like that.

Anyways, how are you guys? Nice to see you dropped in. Now that you have, you can't escape until you read what I have to say. And once you read what I have to say, I'm hoping you will get so excited that you will want to participate!

That's right, I'm talking about the 1st annual Sckpanhead awards! The Dove Awards this year disappointed me so thoroughly, that I decided to do it all over again with my very own beloved readers. I know there's only like, two of you, but I have faith in you that you will do me a favor and get other people to come and nominate, and later vote.

The Dove Awards is mostly contemporary Christian artists, with some Country thrown in for an unknown reason. They have the best album awards for each genre, but that's all the love they give to the non-contemporary people. I want to include them in my award ceremony, so be prepared.

The way this is going to work is that for the next two weeks, I want you to read over the categories I've put here, and think of nominees you would like to see in each category. Comment them, e-mail them, or send them to me in some way once you think of some. If you want to see a whole separate category, you are welcome to suggest that as well. Please tell your friends, re-blog this, let people know this is going on! I have enough faith in you readers to attempt this. It's going to be big too, but only if you can help me make it big.

OK, enough banter. The categories are as follows:

Male Vocalist of the year

Female Vocalist of the year

Artist of the year

Song of the year

Album of the year (released in 2010/2011)

Music video of the year

That's all I have so far. I'm not going to announce my personal nominees at this point, because I want YOU to be creative. Here are the rules (yes, there are rules). As you can see, I did not break my categories up into genres. I want all genres competing together. You can nominate absolutely anyone you like for any category, as long as they are a Christian band.

I'm looking for the real artists here. Not the "best". I want people in my awards who are real with their music, really creative, really worshiping, really honest. Feel free to do with this as you want, but keep that in mind.

NOMINATIONS WILL BE OPEN FROM NOW UNTIL MAY THIRTEENTH AT 12:00am. PLEASE SPECIFY THE CATEGORY AND THE NAME OF THE ARTIST OR PERSON YOU WOULD LIKE TO NOMINATE. MUSIC VIDEO NOMINATIONS WILL ALSO NEED TO COME WITH A LINK TO THAT MUSIC VIDEO.

Ready.........GO!

Good Music, Good Friday

2011-04-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

I was a little indecisive about this Friday's blog. I knew I wanted to do something big in a meaningful sort of way, something that people could get something out of. I also wanted something personal, as this is my personal blog, and I think the best way to express yourself is to tell what's really down there in the dark depths of your heart.

Meaningful + Selena + lunch break = MUSIC VIDEO!

I do a lot of music video reviews on my Tumblr account, but most of those are short, and since it's a daily blog, I don't have much time to write them. I have one review that's scheduled for tomorrow that I felt needed more said about it than I did. Thinking about it a little more, I felt it was the perfect way to reflect on what was done for us thousands of years ago on this day.

I want to do most of the review before you watch the video, which is a little odd I know. But this video is sort of, shall we say, graphic? This way if you can't make it through the video you will still get the message.

Imagine if you will, two people; both with a strong faith in God, both on fire for him, both going in a good direction. They have the knowledge of the cross and what God did for them there. They rely on him day after day to get them through anything, and He guides their motions, almost like a puppeteer guides his puppets. They have learned how to give God that kind of control, and they are totally trusting in what he has for them. They weren't forced, they did this on their own free will.

The thing is, they still mess up. They love God so much, that they try their hardest to do what he wants them to, but sometimes, they still want to do things on their own. So they break free from their strings in attempts to follow their own path. Say for example, like I feel is portrayed in this video, that these two people want to take their relationship beyond the safe boundaries God has set for us. Or maybe they feel like they should be able to make the moves once in a while when it comes to their lives. So they cut the strings off, one by one.

The only problem is they have forgotten their stitches. Before they experienced the love of God, and before he saved them from themselves, they were nothing more than incomplete pieces of a whole, and they weren't even aware of it. When they realized how much they needed God, He stitched them together into a functional member he could use for His purposes. He controlled them with His strings and held them together with His stitches. It was hard to have to walk around with those scars, and sometimes the stitches came undone, but they served as a painful reminder of what they had once been. But despite all this, still they cut the strings.

At the end of the video they are in pieces once again, separated from that which made them whole. But if you watch closely at the end of the video, you can see a hand closing around a needle. This needle to me is representative of God's grace, his amazing grace that no matter how many times we do our own thing (cut the strings), he will always be willing to stitch us back together again.

The song is called Falls Apart, and now that I have inserted into your minds my own thoughts on the video and the song as a whole, please enjoy the video.

[Chorus]It falls apart - from the very start - It falls apart - seems like everything I touch - falls apart - everything around me falls apart - when I walk away from you.

I wish I could but I don’t always keep the promises I’ve kept - I wish I could but I can’t always give whatever I have left - And now its all so clear, doesn’t anyone see whats happening here?

[Chorus]

I know I should but I don’t always say, what you want me to say - I know I could but I don’t always act like everything’s ok - And now its all so clear, doesn’t anyone see whats happening here?

[Chorus]

Everything I have ever been made of hates who I am - I’m so glad you waited - Can’t get my mind off how you could love me - I’m so behind, you’re so far above me - And you’ll always be the wind under my wings above me

I will not let it go to waste - I’m taking all I got, and leavin’ this place - And I will not, be taking up space - I’ll take my best shot, I’m picking up the pace and…

[Chorus]

Yes, I got all that out of this. What I'm hoping to leave you with this Good Friday is hope, the thing that is so often talked about this time of year. Why do you have hope? I have it because I know I have a savior, I see my scars daily, I need His grace every hour or so. I know that he will be there to stitch me back up again, and I'm going to try to live my life giving glory to Him. He's my puppeteer, and I'm trying my hardest not to be afraid of or reject the strings.

Fire Music

2011-04-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to some new bands lately, which is something that only happens like once every ten years maybe (add it up, I've only been alive for seventeen years......yeah, this has never happened to me before). It's interesting, that's the only way I can describe it. Before I was into Skillet so much that I didn't allow for new bands to take root in my heart. Now that I'm over my obsessive Skillet phase (it lasted for four years at least), I can allow other songs by other artists to have some meaning to me. If you're really that interested, my new musical diet consists of Fm Static, Stellar Kart, The Letter Black, Lecrae, and Matt Maher mostly. My mom's going to roll her eyes, but we will be focusing on Matt Maher for the remainder of this blog.

Another thing that has been changing along with my musical intake is my relationship with God. I have really been desiring God's word like I never have before. It's crazy, I'll be in church and something will become so clear, like someone had their hands over my eyes and now the hands are gone, and I'll want to shout or something. Every time I open the Word, it's like another piece of the puzzle is slowly being crafted, fitted, painted, and finally placed in the proper place. Then I can see God's plan or his love as a whole, how he was indeed faithful again, and I fall a little deeper in love with him.

Why did all this awesomeness start happening after I stopped obsessing over Skillet?

So anyway, I've been listening to Matt Maher after I saw him in concert. I had no idea who he was, and honestly, with Thousand Foot Krutch yet to hit the stage, I didn't want to know. But I was drawn in by the sincere worship coming out of this guy, and how can I not want to worship my God! Check it:

Yes, I'm just showing off my pictures, thank you for asking. Long story short, I decided to pick up his album sometime in the near future. Well, I just did that very thing this past Saturday, and it was worth my money.

His worship is different than most contemporary Christin artists. Most of the time, I find myself listening to K-Love or some other Christian radio station, and I agree with everything the lyrics say, but it's....shallow. If I'm going to listen to something slower, it needs to have some, some, what's the word, *makes squeezing motion with hands*, muchness. Ugh, why did I say that? I hate that movie.

What I'm trying to say is Matt Maher challenges me. It sounds to me like most artists on K-Love are speaking to the unbeliever, or perhaps the believer who is feeling like giving up. Matt Maher (can he make his name easier to type?) seems to be talking more to me, as someone who is on a God high right now, wondering how I can get more of him. "We lift high, the banner of the cross! There is no greater love than this, no love but this. Jesus Christ laid down his life for us, there is no greater love than this, no love but his!" Yes! I want to shout that to some guy on the street or something, you know? It's a matter of getting even more excited, even more in love, even more on fire. Because I am doing pretty good right now, but I know I can be better. I know there is more love and fire in me, waiting to get out.

"Sing, sing for faith. Sing for hope. Sing for what great love has done. What was lost, he has found. Shout it out!" HAA! There it is, the shouting! I knew I wasn't the only one.

For me, right now, being on fire is a matter of attitudes toward my family, getting my chores done, doing the best I can in school, and giving all my effort in the worship team. Do I always enjoy doing it? No, but it's becoming easier, like I'm building some muscles. Sometimes I'm sore, and I don't feel like using those muscles, but God reminds me how good I feel when I tell my mom I love her, when my school's completely finished, when I put that last load of laundry away, when I see someone with their hands raised to the Lord, and suddenly, it's not so hard.

Christ Dependent: The Road To Life Productions

2011-04-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the official launch of The Road To Life videos on the Sckpanhead blog.

Uh huh. Yep. I do the same thing. I think we all pretty much have something in our lives that we worry about. But what this video is saying is that we don't need to worry about those things, if we rely on the power of God to get us through it. We are constantly being weighed down with things that make us depressed or take our attention off of God. We need to stay focused on what really matters.

I think now is a good time for all of us to put in our orders for Christ Dependence.

?????????

2011-04-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long time, I had no idea what to write for this week's blog. It may have something to do with this being the first time I've had a release date, and of course I am totally without a topic. That's just the way it goes. But it's at times like these that I come up with my best stuff, when there's nothing hindering me from speaking what's already there. When I write a blog, or a paper, or a short story, there's always a topic, something that gives direction to the article of speech. There's a problem or a thought that is discussed, talked about, or simply dwelled apon. But this week, there was no such topic.

I waited, looked, and even prayed for a topic that would make the kind of impact I'm trying to acheive through my blog. I toyed with the idea of doing another blog about boys, but I didn't feel like this was the right time for me to be focusing on that. I considered a music video review, but I wanted something a little more serious than that. Basiclly, I have no topic. I'm just writing whatever comes out.

I know the exact reason why I'm finding it so hard to do something I would normally do with ease. I've gone from not being able to wait until Friday, to hoping I can write something decent and move on. I'm too distracted right now, too filled up with things I don't care to let out. And that's how I always wrote before; I let out what was inside. Sometimes what was inside was funny, so I wrote blogs on hair dryers and blowing stuff up. Sometimes what was inside was technical and needed to be worked out, so I wrote blogs on my new favorite band and why I'm OK with being single.

But right now, what's inside is......confusing. I don't know if I should be happy and sing along to FM Static, if I should be at peace and listen to some Brandon Heath, or if I should be sad and tune into the old Skillet. Reguardless, I think it's clear that I turn to music to try to understand things. It takes my mind off the compexity of my thoughts and turns it to what other people think or feel. I've gone from crying out to God to help me work through this, to thanking him for where I'm at right now. I don't even try to sleep, because I know there's no way my mind will be quiet long enough.

Mostly I'm desiring peace (looks like you win Brandon). I want so much right now to know that everything is going to turn out OK. I want to know that every choice I make will be the right one. I want so badly for every little detail to be perfect, that I'll do anything it takes to get there. But the thing is, I can never be perfect. It isn't my design to do everything right. I am messed up with sin and the desires of my flesh, that every single little thing I do is wrong. The only way it can be right is if I allow God to take control. The only way things will work out is if I wait on HIS perfect timing. He knows exactly how my life will work out, from beginning to end. He knows all the things I'm feeling right now, he knows where it will take me, he knows EVERYTHING. The hard part is letting him have all of my life.

I sat outside on my porch tonight, praying, offering up all my life to God. I want him to have it, because I'm at the point where I know it's useless to try and do it by my own power. All the things I tried to do were fails. I've given up on me, and I'm turning it over to God.

Now, this is not to say that everything will be good from now on. I still get in the way regardless of how much I try to let God handle things. That's just the way I am. But I've been making a regular habit of gathering up the parts of my life I've taken repossession of and giving them back to the One who deserves them, the only One who won't misuse them. It's so hard. It's one of the hardest things to do. But it needs to be done, or else I could get hurt again, just like before.

Father, this life is yours. It's not my place to make the decisions around here. I need you to take all of it. Help me to give you all of it. There's some things I've been trying to hold on to, and it's like an infection, slowly killing me from the inside. Get rid of it Lord. I want no part of it.

I have a new thing in my life right now that needs more than anything to be handed over to God. I don't want my emotions or my thoughts to get the better of me, and eventually take over my actions. Lord, don't let me act rashly. Let me wait, and keep a beautiful friendship thriving. I have so much life ahead of me that I want you to own and use father. I have big dreams that I don't want messed up by a silly little thing.

Thank you father.

Huh, I already feel so much better.

My Own Crazy Mary

2011-04-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

I decided today that I don't care what they say about you.
I like you, and that's all that matters.
I pray for you, I think of you, I know that you're there, and I want to like you, I really do.
But I hesitated for so long.
I didn't want to have anything to do with you, and it was all because I listened.
I listened to the stuff they said about you, and some of it might be true.
I know some of it is true.
But there's a God who loves you with all his heart, reguardless of what you've done.
I want to care for you like he does, not taking into account your actions.
Today, I promise to stop being judgemental.
I promise to pray for you more, I promise to be the person God wants me to be towards you.
I won't look away this time.

Crazy Mary, by FM Static

"Crazy Mary is a slogan who looks up to no one
Would do anything for a cold one
Wishes she could find her way home
Got the look on her face and the stare of a ray gun
We walked by everyday
And I wish there was something I could do for her

Maybe if, I took a little time to talk
Then she’d heal a little if she wants to
She can run, but let’s teach her how to walk away now
I’ll, shake a little if she wants to
She’ll, laugh a little if she needs to
There’s a key to the door that she’s hiding behind

She watches the world pass her by like a freight train
And they all call her the same names
Laughing as they point and stare at her
So she cries, out to God up in heaven
Been praying since she was eleven
For Him to send someone to meet her there

And who knows of her thoughts and her dreams
And ideas she’s got And contains inside,
She’s so broken apart
And her heart is still looking for some way to feel alright, alright, feel alright"

Alright.....

How To Put Off Writing An Expository Essay, by Caleb Akers

2011-03-31T21:48:00.000-07:00

Procrastination, which is postponing needlessly, is very popular among high school aged students. Most students, especially across the United States, are guilty of this action. Procrastination is most common on huge projects that are assigned many days before they are due and also on work that some deem undesirable to do. Procrastinating involves the procrastinator waiting until 10pm or later on the night before the project is due to start a huge project. This often results in only a few hours of work for the procrastinator. Although no one would ever do this on any English paper, especially one like this, there are many different tactics that can be used in order to put off writing a paper as long as possible.

In order to be a successful procrastinator, you must become an expert at the following delays. The first step to stalling is to get a gigantic snack when you return home from school. This can take up to a half an hour if you happen to be famished from the barely palatable school lunch that was supposedly meat. The next step, which is the most frequent stalling tactic, is to get on Facebook. This enables you to start conversations with other people, instead of working on the English expository essay. This can last up to a few hours if you are a popular person. Now, you are forced to start on other homework that is due the next day. Although this requires doing work, it is still delaying on doing the paper. There are many other possibilities that can stall a person, but there comes a point when you cannot delay any further.

When nothing else can be done to wait, you are brought to the inevitable, starting on the paper. There is a major problem for the procrastinator at this point. You are in need of an interesting topic to do for the expository essay. Brainstorming is necessary, but this does not always result in a decent topic to work with. You must then pick a topic and go with it. Unfortunately, this may end in unhappiness with the paper, and in most cases, you find a better discussion topic well into your first paper. This either leads to rejoicing in the finding of a good topic, or this can lead to disappointment in having to start the paper over again. If this leads to excitement, your next step is to be wary of desks that protrude into your pathway. This can end up bring pain if you are not careful and you run into them. Thankfully, you now have your topic, and you successfully procrastinated on your expository essay until well into the night.

Procrastinating is not the best working procedure, but it can still result in decent works for the student. Side affects from procrastination may include lack of sleep, minimal concentration, increased stress, and lower grades. However, procrastination can be enjoyable, up until the procrastination can last no longer. By following this, you will now be able to put the pro in procrastinate.

-edited by Sckpanhead

Here's the thing about boys...

2011-03-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

Something strange happens to you right around the time you turn thirteen. It's called hormones, and for the rest of your life, they will DESTROY YOU!!!

So like I was saying, one of the things that happens to you, in case you didn't already know (cause I know there's some kid out there that is like, whaaaaa?) if you're a girl, you start liking boys, and if you're a boy you start liking girls. For some reason I'm giving you a life lesson, let's skip on to the good stuff shall we?

I have very specific views on boys. I didn't always see things this way, but my idea of dating, relationships, and marriage has changed so drastically in the past six or so years, and I bet it will continue to change until I reach a certain point in my life, whatever that may be.

I believe, and I plan to live by these beliefs, that you shouldn't date until you are (1) in a strong relationship with Jesus, (2) are in a strong relationship with your family, and (3) emotionally stable. If you're struggling in any of these areas, now is not the good time to get into a relationship.

I'm sick and tired of relationship drama, and between teenagers of all things! You can get so caught up in maintaining this relationship, that even if you do meet the criteria set by me above, you might fall away from one or even all of them during your relationship. You might be more concerned about that special someone in your life to give God the time or love He deserves. You might act differently towards your family. You might become emotionally unstable if something happens.

I know I'm not the best authority on this topic, since I've been single all my life (and I'm proud of it). But quite frankly, I'm not interested in dating at all. I don't want to have something special with a boy I probably really like, only to have that taken away from me for whatever reason. I don't want to have another thing in my life to have to keep up. I don't want to have my heart broken.

Yes, I still like boys. This is unavoidable in my mind. But there is a huge difference between thinking a boy is attractive and being in a relationship with a boy.

Some people might think this is crazy, but my dream is to meet that one guy God's set apart for me and me only, and give my heart to him to keep forever. I want to know for sure that I can spend the rest of my life with someone before I take steps beyond friendship. I don't know how I will meet him, but I want to be sure of him. "You'll never find that boy," you might say, but you know what? God has given me the task of keeping my heart pure, and loving HIM with all my heart until that dude comes along. He gave up so much to show me he loved me, and yeah, it's gonna be hard for a boy to take any of God's place in my heart. It's gonna be hard to find a guy who is all I want. But I'm willing to wait, or go on loving my savior for the rest of my life.

Basically, this way, I will never have my heart broken, I will always be in love, always be loved, and everything will be cool.

Reflection

2011-03-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

"My God I see now what you see, my God what do you see in me? My God, crowned in glory. The lamb of God is worthy."

So what do you see in me God? What have I done that you love me so much? When I neglect you, when I refuse to spend time with you, still you love me. When you have to wake me up in the middle of the night with pain just so I will talk to you, you still care. When you have to watch me frantically try and make choices on my own, still you wait for me to give my life back over to you.

Why Lord? There is absolutely no one in existence that would love me like you do if they knew what I was really like, underneath all this pretending. I bury it all inside the darkest parts of my heart, and pretend like everything's all right. They don't know what's going on inside my head. All day long my mind is working, sorting through all the things that could go wrong, hoping things work out like I need them to, and mostly worrying about insignificant things. But at the end of the day, when I feel so lost and so alone, incomplete and broken, I almost physically feel God's arms around me, and his voice whispering to me to come back to my first love.

I have family and some friends who don't even believe that God exists. This confuses me to the point of pain inside my mind. It's as if me and a friend were to observe a drum set, touch it, stand in front of it, view it from all different angles, and then decide that it doesn't actually exist, that the drum makers are just trying to make us think it does so we'll buy their product. See, we can't choose to "Believe" in God, because He IS. He's not in a position to exist or not.

In actuality, you have two choices: Reject God or accept him. There is no believing in his reality.

Look at these pictures! I demand you! (Rock and Worship Roadshow Pictures)

2011-03-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Editing this post to make it more efficient. I had to limit my posts per page down to one so that my video and music wouldn't crash. That problem has now been fixed, with my first ever Sckpanhead Productions presentation! Here was the original blog, along with all the pictures and video I took at the Rock and Worship Roadshow 2011 in Fresno, CA:

"It's now time for part two of the rock and Worship Roadshow 2011 in Fresno! (clap)

I made a really cool video of all my pictures and videos I took at the concert, but they won't upload to blogger. Sorry, but I have no choice other than to post them, one by one, slowly, slowly, ugh. The videos are at the end, strategically placed so you won't just watch them and not look at the pictures. *wink wink* Please do not use any of the pictures or videos without my permission! Thanks, and enjoy."

And now, here is everything that was underneath that, rolled into one. Enjoy!

Please clap for the Roadshow!!!!

Ya'll look like muppets

2011-03-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

The last stop on the Rock and Worship Roadshow: Fresno California! There are no words to describe how awesome this concert is. To all my Nevada people, I'm sorry it doesn't come close to you, but trust me when I say it is worth the drive to Sacramento. Plus, If you're willing to drive an extra two hours to Fresno next year, I will reward you with one free night's stay at my house, complete with couch and blanket! Pillows are extra, sorry.

Anyway, enough of that. The Fresno show is the best show on the tour, and I'm not just saying that because that's the one I go to. In fact, here's a quote from MercyMe's Bart Millard from the show, "All those other people on the tour thought they were the best dancers, but in the back of my mind I knew there was still Fresno..." The Savemart Center is a huge place, and it was full to the top. This was my first concert where I actually wore earplugs the entire time, with the exception of a few TFK songs. It was loud in there.

If any of you even read my news feed, you may have seen my pre-show judgements about the bands on the tour. Well, here's the way things really went down:

Vira Avenue: These guys were a local band that won a contest or something like that. Reguardless, they were very good, and I hope to see more of them in the future.

Anthem Lights: I don't even want to talk about this band. If you want to know about them, type "Anthem Lights" into Google and leave me alone. Just look at them! Do they look like the kind of people I would want to talk about? Yeah, I didn't think so. Excuse me while I barf.

The Afters: They were OK, not my favorite but at least they weren't Anthem Lights.

Matt Maher: I thought he would be boring, just another band before TFK if you know what I mean, but I really liked him. I think I will be buying his album soon. (It just took me like five trys to type the period after that sentence)

Thousand Foot Krutch: Clearly the best. Need I say more? What is there to say? Nothing, that's what. (That right there is code for "I'm drawing a blank here and I have no idea what to write")

Lecrae: This guy was fun. Good and fun. Plus it's always nice to listen to rap music that doesn't have all that junk in it, you know?

Jars of Clay: Well, I don't honestly know how JOC was because I made good on my word and left during this part of the show. What I did see of them was through half closed eyes, because by this point in the show I was exhausted.

MercyMe: I love these guys. I don't listen to MercyMe all that much, and when I do it's involuntary, but I love seeing them in concert. It makes me feel good. They are now the band I've seen most in concert, a grand total of three times. They were tied with Hawk Nelson, who I've seen twice.

This is part one of a two part blog, and part two is the pictures and video I took. Stay tuned. (Stay tuned? What's wrong with me?)

Where is Thousand Foot Krutch? Oh my, where are they? Why don't they show up? What kind of tour is this???!! Wait, is that, no it's not. Oh my oh how could this happen? Nooooooooooooooooooo never!!!!!!

Let me explain the blog title before I go. During the concert, Bart Millard had us all do a side step, starting with our right. Somehow, on one side of the arena, every other row did NOT start with their right, and they were going the opposite way of the row in front of them (how does a whole row of people get left and right confused? It must be the heat...) Bart said, "Ya'll look like muppets," hence, the title of this blog.

My Second "Foreign" Language Blog

2011-03-05T02:48:00.000-08:00

Yo vivo en California, y un montón de gente de aquí hablan español. Deseo con todo mi corazón que yo podía hablar español, creo que es una lengua tan impresionante, y que encajaría en una mejor dirección. Estoy tan harto de ser llamado a la muchacha blanca.

Soy medio mexicano, como he dicho antes. Yo tengo un acento español muy bien, pero no puedo hablarlo. Puedo leer, puedo escribir, puedo decirlo, pero no puede hablar. Es muy molesto. Me gustaría poder escribir blogs en otros idiomas, por lo que mis lectores podían leer mis palabras en su lengua materna. Así que aquí va, mi primer blog en español.

Es perfectamente se puede estar triste, estar deprimido, a llorar, porque le ayuda a entender un poco mejor. Si estás triste por algo, ¿por qué nada te impida dejar que se fuera? Cuando pensamos que algo es divertido, lo que tenemos en nuestra risa? No, lo dejó escapar. Lo dejó escapar porque es socialmente aceptable hacerlo. ¿Pero por qué, le pregunto, son las emociones frente a menudo ocultos o ignorados?

Ben Kasica Goodbye Video

2011-02-25T16:46:00.000-08:00

Like I've said before, Ben Kasica, lead guitarist for Skillet and my favorite member of the band, is leaving. This is a little video I made to say goodbye.

Socializing? Or something else...

2011-02-24T16:05:00.000-08:00

I was raised in church for the majority of my life. I know all about potlucks and church picnics and VBS and men and women Bible studies blah blah blah. But have you noticed (if you, like me, have spent any considerable amount of time in church) that when we get together to socialize as a church body, we don't call it "socializing" but rather "fellowship"? Why is that? I mean, I know the Bible calls it that and stuff, but sometimes it sounds to me like we're trying to excuse our fun little get togethers as something we have to do. No, no nononon oon onn onono nonono NO! Fellowship and picnics and potlucks and food are all very good things that we all enjoy doing. Why do we all enjoy doing it? Because the Lord designed us to like interaction with other human beings. He wants us to get together and talk about things. We need to learn how to get comfortable with one another, that way we can talk about what God is doing in our lives, encourage one another, sort through our struggles, and learn how to love one another as Christ loves us. Yes, God wants us to do something that is SUPPOSED to be fun.

Sorry about that little rant there. I'm just so tired of people not getting it...

My Changing Life (or proof that I have no life)

2011-02-20T12:28:00.000-08:00

Before you read this blog, I would like to request that you scroll down to the music player at the bottom of my blog, and play the song "Last Words".

Skillet...Selena. Those words are interchangeable. I earned it, every last bit of it. I loved the band Skillet like a, like a, like something you really like. I know all the songs, all the band members, the release dates of all their material, there upcoming projects, everything. But lately, things have been changing.

First of all, I haven't been connecting to the songs like I used to. You have to listen and feel with a band's songs to like them to the extent that I liked Skillet. Second, they were taking a turn in a direction that I didn't like. They were changing, and I was changing, and it didn't work anymore. Lastly, there are other bands out there, one in particular, that are hitting me harder than Skillet has been in these past few months.

I still love Skillet and what they've done for me. I look back at how much I've grown, and it's all due to God, my family, and Skillet. Those were the three things that were always there. But for months, I've been playing with the idea of giving them up, and not being so hard core. I've been trying to avoid this, but it is sort of like having a boyfriend: I don't wanna stop being friends, I just don't wanna "go out" anymore.

Then it all came crashing down with an e-mail I received on Valentines day. My favorite person in the band, one of the only reasons Skillet has made it so far in my opinion, announced that he was leaving the band. That was it for me. Skillet lost something to me, and I had a feeling it wasn't coming back.

Ben Kasica, Former guitarist for Skillet

Why is this such a big deal for me? Well, if you're asking that you never really knew me. See the beginning of this blog.

OK, I know you're all dying to know who my new favorite band is. Now before I say this, even though you've probably already scrolled down, I just wanna say that Skillet always holds a special place in my band heart, and I've vowed to never again have a band that I'm that in love with. This band has not "replaced" Skillet, they've simply moved up in my playlist count.

Thousand Foot Krutch

Oh, wow. This is really emotional for me, I feel silly admiting it. But as a writer I think the best way to impact the reader is to show your true self, and that's what I'm trying to do here. I like Thousand Foot Krutch now.

I want to end this blog with the band that has taken me more places, taught me more things, and pulled me through life's toughest moments: Skillet

See ya Ben (second from left), and I wish you well Skillet, on the path the Lord is taking the band.

I love my readers

2011-02-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of people outside of the united states who read my blog. Sometimes I get spam, but otherwise, I think it's awesome to connect with people outside of my country. I hope you all are doing well!

I wanna ask you guys outside of the USA how you heard about my blog. Are you guys seeing it on websites? Recommendations? I would like to reserch it more, and hopefully get more traffic. If you like my blog, spread the word! Facebook it! Tweet it! Whatever you guys do! I love you!

Anyways, thanks ahead of time for the feedback.

Yours truly,
Selena

Ta-da

2011-02-01T20:28:00.000-08:00

Alright so yeah sorry about falling off the face of the earth for a while there. Let's get back to blogging. . .

In that last post, I forgot to mention that I got a GameCube from my dad, clearly the best present I got this year. I'm starting to reach the age where Christmas and birthdays just aren't that fun anymore, like I don't stay up late because I'm so excited about what I might get or what might happen tomorrow. Now I go to bed early on Christmas, thankful that I don't have school the next day and I can just sleep in until Christmas dinner with the family. I am seventeen after all.

Anyways I got a GameCube right, and since it was used it smelled funny and the games were all scratched up. But they worked, and for the first time in my life I finally had a gaming system. Not anything fancy, but still awesome.

I don't need to spend too much time on the games that actually came with the GameCube, because after all I asked for one just so I would have a means of playing The Legend of Zelda. What other video games do you need when you have that one? But the thing is, all the used Zelda games ran anywhere from forty to fifty dollars, and I don't have that kind of money (as if any seventeen year old does). But about two or three weeks after I received my game cube, I walked into Game Stop and saw it there, for only fifteen bucks. So I bought it, took it home, and within the hour, I was hooked.

Take a look at how cute Link is:

Who in their right minds wouldn't want to play as him?? I blogged about this game before, but it really stunk, because I hadn't actually played the game enough to really understand how awesome it is. I completed the whole thing, which I understand takes a certain level of skill and determination, and I only needed help three times. Now I'm working on a special play by play of the entire game in story format, so even you non-video gamers can appreciate the full beauty of this game.

What I got for Christmas this year

2010-12-25T14:35:00.000-08:00

So here's the grand list of all the things I got for Christmas this year (clearly the best part of Christmas) . . .

Everlast punching pad

Borders gift card: $25

2 Joann gift cards: $30 and $20

Inkheart Trilogy

Tilly's gift card: $40

Merona textured black tights

Covergirl "Eye enhancers" aka eye shadow

Skien of brown cotton Ease yarn

S'mores The Card Game

Black and grey striped knee socks

Milk Chocolate orange

$25 dollars in cash

Movie gift certificate

Covergirl mascara

Sony green earbuds

5 see's candy suckers

3 Hershey's chocolate nuggets

Grandma underware *slaps forehead*

Pink bra

And lastly, lots of FOOD!!!!!!!!!

Cool video time, and I'm out for today. I'm going to see these guys in March oh yeah!

P-aaaaaa-leezzz

2010-12-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

I recently had my seventeenth birthday. When I can look back ten years into the past, and remember it, that is a sure sign that I’m getting old. In fact I remember very clearly when I was seven and we moved into an apartment and I was so happy about living in a house with stairs in it. Yeah, it doesn’t take much to entertain little kids.

One of the things I’ve learned in my seventeen years of living is that people love nicknames. The human race has an obsession with not calling each other by our real names. We shorten them, lengthen them, reconstruct them, or just plain change them to our liking. For example, my name is Selena. Some of the nicknames I’ve acquired over the years are Dunkers (never EVER call me this), Sally, Selenie, So-so, and my favorite, Sel. Sometimes, I would just like to be called by my actual name once in a while. I really like my name alright?

Another thing: I’m seventeen now, don’t you think that I’ve earned my way out of being called kid? I mean p-aaaaa-leezzz It’s getting old to have people say, “Hey, kid,” or “Kiddo”. Kiddo is such an odd word. See say it, kiddo kiddo kiddo kiddo. It’s just weird.

I don’t like being called kid; however I love when people call me girl. It just makes me smile when someone says, “Hey, girl!”, and if they too are female, I like to be all like, “Hey, girl! What’s happening?” Or when Jess (there I go with the nicknames), the sound guy at our church, gives me a hug on Sunday morning and says “hey girl”, I really like it.

Back to the whole nickname thing, I’m just as guilty as everyone else at giving them. I like to give people nicknames that end in and “eeee” sound, like Joshy or Davey or Gengy or macaroni. I don’t do it all the time, but if I really like someone I might refer to them by one of these “eeee” names, depending on the kind of relationship we have.

If you want me to give you a special nickname, comment your name underneath this blog, and I’ll post my own Selenie name for you, for the low price of only twelve payments of the low price of $10.99 only!!!!!!!!!!

To end this blog, here's a cool video, cause putting cool videos on my blog makes me look cool, and I don't plug many bands other than Skillet, but I should. So here you are . . .

The Rock and Worship Road Show has betrayed us

2010-11-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

Alright, so most of you may have heard of The Rock and Worship Road Show. It's a really cheap series of concerts featuring MercyMe and many other big bands in Christian music. I've been twice, and it's really awesome, especially when your dad doesn't believe in spending money to see a band in concert. it's just about the only concert I'm guaranteed to go to every year.

Long story short, I thought they would always come to my neigbor city of Fresno, because MercyMe loved us, and for good reason too. WE ROCKED THEM! They didn't rock us. I bet we are the best crowd in the whole tour. Bart Millard of MercyMe said so himself the first year I went . . .

You with me so far? In a sentence, the Road Show owes us for being the awesomest crowd on the tour. Why should I care you ask? Well, I just found out that the Road Show WILL NOT me coming to Fresno this year!!!!!! And right when I was getting super worked up about seeing Thousand foot Krutch in concert for the first time.

Honestly, I'm sad. Almost as sad as I was when I thought that I wasn't going to go to my first Skillet concert (I went after all in case you were wondering). How could they do this to us? How could they completely bypass the city that made the tour?

I'm sad, very sad. I hope that all the rest of the people of Fresno are just as upset as I am, and I hope they let the bands know. Who knows? Maybe we can change their minds through some crazy internet thing. It has happened before.

The band I won't be seeing ='(
Thousand Foot Krutch

What my life would look like without Jesus

2010-11-25T17:01:00.000-08:00

My mom and I were talking last night, and I posed a question that we both shuddered at. Where would we be without Jesus? We dropped the subject pretty fast (for obvious reasons), but later that night and the next day, I couldn’t help thinking about it. Where would I be? How different would I be?

I would never have met most of my closest friends, since I met most of them in church. I would have never even tried to play the piano, and even if I had I wouldn’t have stuck with it. I would have never heard about Skillet (that alone makes me shudder). In the absence of these things there would most likely be violence. I don’t like to admit it sometimes, but I’m a violent person. I would probably be a pregnant teenager in jail for multiple accounts of murder without Jesus. That is, if I was even still alive at all.

Think about it. Where would you be right now if God hadn’t saved you from yourself?

In the words of my good friend Wenz: Must Everything Have a Title?

2010-10-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

I want to have a band when I’m older. Everybody knows that. I’d say I’m well on my way to having one too, with my skills on the keyboard and my natural attraction to other people who play music. I have everything planned out: what the bus will look like, what cities we’ll go to, the onstage intro, everything. But one thing I don’t have, arguably the most important thing of all, is my band’s name.

I’ve played around with lots of names, but none of them seem to stick. I get tired of one, and move on to another. I think one is not right for the style of music I’m playing at the time, so I change it to something else. I just can’t decide on a permanent name. And it’s not like you can just change the name once you’re band is up and running. The name you pick is the one you’ll have forever. It’s like picking a second name for yourself.

The first long term name I had was “Counterfeit Humans”, but I thought after a while that this name was not cool. It was supposed to be a reference to that verse in Genesis that says we are all made in God’s image, so we’re sort of like counterfeits. I don’t know, I thought it was cool back then I guess.

The second name that I had for a while was “Repeat”. This name came from me panicking one night because I had disqualified “Counterfeit Humans” as an eligible band name, and therefore didn’t even have a temporary name to call my band. (Notice, I’m panicking over a band that doesn’t exist beyond the walls of my house, and consists of only one band member . . . me.) My mom and I were reading off random words we found around the house for my band name like “Toaster” and “August” and so forth. Then I saw the word “Repeat” on my mom’s stereo and I knew that would have to be it.

I recently started writing a lot of music again, and “Repeat” doesn’t do it for me anymore. I like the band name “Mild Narcotic Effect” because it’s awesome for one, and also because it can be abbreviated to MNE. Plus it can be a good band name if I decide to change my sound from electronic, like I’m doing now, to rock, like I eventually want to do. This name came out of a podcast I listen to where the hosts were joking around about how this would be a good band name. And I was like, “Well, why shouldn’t it be, darn it!” and I made it my own band name, for now at least. The meaning behind it doesn’t have to be anything if I don’t want it to be, but for the sake of the press, I better come up with a meaning and soon.

Watch This If You Love Me

2010-10-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

Inside the Music (Another Poem)

2010-10-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

It’s like you’re in another place
Between reality and somewhere else
Sometimes it’s filled with love and grace
And other times it’s completely heartless

It changes with the instrument
The place you go to
Electric guitars are like a raging firmament
While piano is like a waterfall you go through

Some songs connect
They touch your deepest parts
Other songs reflect
The hurt in millions of hearts

The greatest of songs almost physically hurt
You close your eyes and bear the pain
But it’s no use, it only gets worse
The melodies on your mind will always remain

Blog Reform

2010-10-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

My blog desperately needs some help. I love my blog to death, as most of you know, since I talk about it all the time and I get so excited when stats show that I’ve had a visitor in the last week. But I’m starting to think that my blog isn’t all that great. Sure, it’s pretty to look at, and you can really see my personality shining through each one of my blogs. But I want people to not just read my blog one time and never come back again. I want people to read and get something out of what I’m saying. I want people to be so impressed with what I have to say that they’ll come back for more. That’s how a real writer would do it.

So from now on, I promise you, the reader, that each and every blog I write will have thought put into it. (I mean did you see my Zelda blog? That was horrible.) There will be no more of this, “Oh my goodness, I need to blog about that one piece of information I have”. I will no longer wait until I have the “New Blog Post” page open to come up with a topic (you’d be surprised at how often I do that). Nope, now I will write blogs on my non-internet computer in my room, with the lights off and music blasting, so I can really think about the content and meaning of each and every word.

To help out this Blog Reform, I’ve decided to do a little study on the book of Acts. I’ve been studying the bible my whole life, but I just recently began to grasp the full meaning of things in there. I have been inspired to not only read the words, but to dig a little deeper and fully understand what God’s been trying to teach me. This has been a lot easier with my awesome curriculum, which I will use quite often in my blogs. This study is in the works, so please be patient. It should be up soon.

Don’t worry, all you people who come to my blog to laugh at the goofy things I say. Those blogs are not leaving by any means. They will just be longer and hopefully funnier, spread across the not so funny blogs. I’m sure I will not be able to help myself from being funny even in the more serious blogs. It’ll be like candy: you only get a little bit, because too much of a good thing is bad for you. Or something...

In closing, I just want to say thanks for coming. Truly . . . thanks. I’m sorry for not being as good as I can be on here, but trust me, that is all going to change.

Wage es nicht geben diese in Google Übersetzer

2010-10-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

Wenn Sie dies lesen können, du bist mein neuer bester Freund. Wenn Sie diese einfach in Google Übersetzer eingegeben, Verbot ich euch jemals kommen zu meinem Blog wieder. Also, wie geht es dir? Oh mein Gott, Skillet in deutscher Sprache ist so cool, nicht wahr? Ich, dass Band so viel Liebe, sie bekommen nur Kühler jeden Tag.

Ten Things You Can Do with a Hair Dryer

2010-09-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

1. Dry your clothes

2. Sweep the floor

3. Warm yourself on a cold day

4. Blast aliens (come on, they don't know it's only a hair dryer)

5. Puff up your shirt, and pretend you're super fat

6. Dry nail polish in half the time

7. Torture small bugs

8. Make your mouth so dry your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth

9. Knock over small LEGO buildings

10. And, of course, dry your hair

Translate....

2010-09-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

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Concerts and Sneezes

2010-09-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Do you know why people say "Bless you" after you sneeze? Because it's been told that when you sneeze, your body lets in demons, so you say "Bless you" to make them go away. The second reason we say it is because your heart stops beating when you sneeze, shaving one minute off your life. I proved this wrong myself when I got my wisdom teeth out. I was hooked up to the heart monitor thing, and I sneezed, and nothing happened. So there, all you people who believe in the bless-you-after-you-sneeze thing! I still say it because it's polite, but for some reason I end up saying "blesh you".

Last night I had my first real concert. I had been practicing for months, and to my surprise, I had only a brief moment of nervousness on the way there. When we got there we set up in a parking lot in the middle of the city. A band from San Jose was supposed to go one before our band, but they showed up and hour late. This was OK though, because for some reason the on-stage monitors weren't working. And when you have a band of eight people spread out over a fifteen by ten foot space outside, you can't not have monitors. So me and my good friend KT decided to go have some hotdogs and chili. Yup, food is the best part of any event.

So anyway, the sound people finally got the monitors working, San Jose finally got there, and we started an awesome night of worship. After San Jose, our band was up.

We consisted of:

Toni: our worship leader, singing and playing acoustic guitar

KT: singing

PJ: our pastor, singing and playing Santanas on electric guitar

Me (sckpanhead): playing keyboards

Tim: bass

Pastor Al: percussion

Um, I never met him so I don't know his name: congas

Jim: drums and former drummer for The Crucified

We got there a little after five and left a little after ten, but I haven't had that much fun since Wenz' birthday party, so it was worth it. Can't wait to do it again!

Phineas and Ferb

2010-09-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

Over the month of July, my family stayed at my grandparent’s house, where we get to watch as much TV as we want. When you don’t have a TV at home (or when the only TV in your house belongs to your grandma and her Spanish novellas) and you suddenly get a TV in your room, you quickly become addicted to the glowing box that makes sounds. Plus, there’s apparently this new thing called HD, which stands for high definition, which makes anything on TV so clear, it’s like you can touch it. Plus TV screens are like, flat.

Anyway, my sister, brother and I mostly watched Disney channel, and that’s how I discovered my new favorite show of all time. The show is called Phineas and Ferb, and it’s awesome. I think it’s supposed to be a kid’s show, but who cares? I love it. The show is a cartoon about these two brothers who have a whole summer to waste on creating inventions that make life easier, or that add some fun and excitement to their boring backyard. And lucky enough for me, I have a whole summer to waste on their show.

Phineas is the younger brother, who comes up with all the ideas and has a triangle head, for some reason. Ferb is the older brother who doesn’t say much, and when he does he always has something really intelligent to say. He also has an English accent which is just awesome.

The boys have a teenage sister named Candace who is bent on busting them in between dates with her boyfriend Jeremy. But right before she gets her mom to come see what crazy thing the boys have built, it always disappears. The boys have many friends, including Baljeet, Buford, and Isabella. Isabella is the leader of a Fireside Girls troop, which is very similar to the girl scouts. She has a crush on Phineas, and is always dragging her troop along to his house to see what he’s doing. Baljeet is Indian, and he’s a nerd who knows everything about everything. Buford is the neighborhood bully who is always picking on Baljeet.

Phineas and Ferb have a pet platypus named Perry who is unknowingly to the boys, also a secret agent. He always disappears toward the beginning of the show to see what the evil villain Dr. Doofinsmirtz is scheming. Doofinsmirtz also invents stuff, but of course, it’s always evil and is meant to somehow help is plot to rule the entire Tri-state area! Parry defeats him before he can succeed. Doofinsmirtz has a teenage daughter who is somewhat Goth. Ferb has a crush on her, and is always looking for ways to impress her with his and Phineas’ inventions.

That’s just a summery of the show, but I highly recommend you go watch it for yourself. I am a huge fan of Ferb. I love how he’s expressionless until something exciting happens, how he wears his pants really high, and his accent is adorable. Not to mention how smart he is when he does talk. If I was a cartoon girl, I would totally have a crush on Ferb.

I'm Back

2010-09-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

The title says it all. I am officially back to the wild world of internet after taking a, um, how shall I say, "forced", break. I have written lots of blogs during my break, so keep checking back! They're pretty good! Ok, I leave now. There is a new Skillet podcast I haven't yet seen! Yay!

Josh and Chuck

2010-07-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

If you ever get the chance to meet me, you will quickly find out that I like the band Skillet. And if you stick around, you might hear a lot about my family. And if you and i become friends, you will most likely hear a lot about Josh and Chuck.

Josh and Chuck are two guys who live in Atlanta, Georgia. They are kind of crazy, but always funny. They work for a website called howstuffworks.com and they do a podcast called Stuff You Should Know.

It's very informative. I have all kinds of crazy ideas in my head now that were planted by these two random guys who have nothing better to do than fill my head with crazy ideas. It all comes from knowing so much about different, totally unpredictable subjects that they podcast on twice a week. I would still feel like a total loser if it wasn't for these guys.

For instance, did you know that you can't actually die in quicksand? Or that Ninjas wore white on occasion? No, I bet you didn't. Or that there are 4 billion LEGO mini-figures on the planet, making them the largest people group? Yeah, cool stuff.

If you haven't already I highly recommend the podcast. Just go to itunes and search for Stuff You Should Know. They already have like three hundred podcasts and they come out with a new one every Tuesday and Thursday.

Chuck is on the left, Josh is on the right.

Um, ok. If you wanna learn more about me, Josh and Chuck, or Skillet, you can type any word you want into blogger's handy search bar at the top of the page. And if you want your own piece of Josh and Chuck, you can always send it in an email to stuffpodcast@howstuffworks.com.

Before the day we are allowed to blow stuff up

2010-07-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today is July 3rd, and today I won a contest I never even thought I'd enter in my life.

My church had a picnic today for the forth of July (yes yes I know it's a day early, but we have actual church tomorrow). I spent the first part of the day face painting, which was fun, but super hard. You'd think something as simple as painting a flower on a little kid's face would be easier than it was. After that we had delicious hotdogs and hamburgers. I had one hamburger and two hotdogs, and some taco salad.

After we ate, we had an egg toss. My grandpa and I paired up and were the first to strike out (or rather, the first to break our egg). Then we played some game with bowls and water and we all got wet and it was horrible so I'll stop talking about it.

Then there was a pie eating contest. I hadn't planned on doing this at all, because you see, there are some guys at our church who I wouldn't stand a chance against. But the prize for the winner was this cooler that my mom had been wanting for a long time, so my dad and I both entered the contest for her (or at least I did). There was about eight of us, six guys, me, and one of the moms. She told me she was just in it to get some pie, but don't tell anyone I said that. We each got a third of a pie with cream on top that we had to consume without using our hands as fast as we could. Whoever finished first wins.

We started, and I dove into that pie like my life depended on it. I was drowning in cream for the first five seconds, but then I opened up and shoved as much pie as I could into my mouth. I could hear everyone cheering for my youth leader and my dad, and I was almost ready to give up. But then a bunch of people started cheering for me! I was like, what? I looked over at my dad while I was trying to swallow, and I could see why. I was beating him! I was winning!

I finished my pie, but still no one said anything. So I licked my plate with insane intensity. Then the guy told everyone to stop, because they had a winner. It was me of course. I had just won a pie eating contest with a bunch of dudes. I. AM. FAT.

So I got the cooler, but now I feel like crap. I have been smelling nothing but cream ever since then, and I feel like all that hotdog and pie is going to come up at any second.

Oh, hold on.....I gotta go.......

I finally got this video up!!!!

2010-06-29T14:32:00.000-07:00

Below is a song I wrote. I am playing it for real, those are my actual hands. Sorry about the poor sound quality, my camera isn't made for this type of thing.

If you have any ideas at all for lyrics to this song, please comment them below. I want this song to tell of someone who was at a low point in there life, or maybe is still at that low point. Here are some lyrics I already have:

The Struggle Within (Solitary Shell)

The struggle within

It kills me inside

I want someone to hold me

I pull away

From those I want to love

I need someone to stop me

I’m all alone

Imprisoned at home

I feel like there’s no hope

My mind’s the enemy

Why can’t somebody see

I need someone to love me

I’m hoping for the day

When I don’t pull away

Withdrawn inside myself for far too long

Praying for a way

To keep myself sane

Long enough to find a way to fit in

I’m all alone

Imprisoned at home

I feel like there’s no hope

My mind’s the enemy

Why can’t somebody see

I need someone to love me

I don’t want to be alone

But I can’t change what is

I don’t have a heart of stone

But it would be easier than this

I want to break free from myself

To live outside of my solitary shell

I need to break out

I’m all alone

Imprisoned at home

I feel like there’s no hope

My mind’s the enemy

Why can’t somebody see

I need someone to love me

Randomness

2010-06-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

This is a random blog so I could see what all these fancy features are for.

Heeeeeeeellllllloooooooo

I'm BIG

~~Sooo how are you today? Fine thank you. What's wrong with yo words? I don't even know~~

Nice tattoo!

Click Me!

What I did today (haha funny title Selena)

2010-06-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today was our church baptism. I got to see my little sister and my grandparents get baptized. It was really awesome to physically see how the Lord has saved them, and brought them over from death to life.

Afterward, me and a few other kids went swimming. I didn't have any thing to swim in, so I just took off my glasses and jumped in fully dressed...in my dress! It was entirely uncomfortable. But hey, it is 104 degrees here today. You can break a sweat just sitting around for too long in one spot. But the thing is, you're dripping with sweat by the time you move to a different position. Ugh, I hate California...

What I Do When I'm really Super Bored

2010-06-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

These are banners I make on my computer when I have nothing else to do. If you like them I can make you one, just send me some pictures and colors you want me to use, and I'll see what I can do. Ok, here they are. Click on them to view them full size.

This would be Andrew Garcia.

This is Ben Kasica from Skillet. The words are the lyrics to "Treasure" by Flyleaf.

Danny Gokey......duh. Not my best work.

This is my sister Genevieve. I took these pictures by the way.

John Cooper from Skillet, with the rest of the band in the background.

I just made this one really fast for my friend Haley. Lee Dewyze in case you can't read (which would be weird, why would you come to my blog if you can't read?)

Creepy John Cooper.

This is a wallpaper I made custom for my computer, but it ended up looking kinda weird. It's John Cooper and Ben Kasica, with a poem I wrote.

These are all banners I made for the Panhead Awards 2009.

ALL COPYRIGHTS TO BANNERS BELONG TO ME! PLEASE ASK BEFORE YOU USE THEM! The only exception is if you were a winner of the Panhead Awards 2009, in which case please feel free to take any one of the Award banners.

Half and half

2010-06-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

A lot of you probably know that I'm a half and half, half Mexican and half white. I'm also the oldest of four children, and today I noticed something strange. We all turned out white. I mean, you can sort of tell by my face that I have some Mexican in me, but my skin is deathly white in some places. My brother has some awesome tanning abilities that could pass him as Mexican, but he doesn't have the facial shape I have.

Seriously, what are the odds? Me and all of my siblings had a 50% chance of being Mexican, but not one of us got it. I have a friend who is half and half like me. She has a Mexican mom and a white dad, just like I do. But she looks totaly Mexican. Her brother looks white, just really tan.

So they had one out of two, not surprisingly. But my family has none out of four. Crazy.

What's wrong with my family? Comment please, tell me what you think.

Summer vacation!! (Part the last)

2010-06-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

It's finally over. My wonderful vacation to my hometown ended on Sunday, along with all my joy, happiness, peace....

Haha just kidding. I was honestly really missing home and the people I left behind for three weeks during this trip. I discovered how much my heart was torn between these two places: the place I loved and grew up in, and the place where my family is. It's hard I guess, hard because you can't be two places at once. It's scary to think about, but I will always be stuck in this place between these places. I will never again belong in any one spot.

Anyway, I had a nice last day in the valley. My church back there does a service in the park in father's day, followed by a BBQ and potluck. I got sunburned of course, but it was worth hanging out with my friends at the park. I made two new guy friends, which is cool because guy friends don't wanna talk about relationships and drama all the time. You can just talk like a normal human being with them. Plus they're both home schooled.

Vacation may be over, but summer is just beginning. Without boatloads of school to do, who knows what kinds of crazy things I'll be into!

People who play music are cool

2010-06-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

John Cooper: Skillet

Jen Ledger: Skillet

Project 86

Flyleaf

Danny Gokey

Summer Vacation!! (Part Four? I think)

2010-06-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

I am really having the best time of my life. I felt guilty today, because today was the first time I truly missed home. I think it's because I know all this is going to end in less than two weeks. I want things to go back to normal, back where my new home is. I hate this feeling, to miss my true home when I'm here in my real home. But this is the way thingss are. This is life.

No pictures this time but I thought I should do an update. Wenz dyed my blond highlights purple! It is really awesome, even though the whole proses was rather nightmare-ish. At one point I had to basically shower fully dressed to keep from getting purple all over Wenz' mom's bathroom. I will post pictures of it next blog. I can't now because Wenz thought it would be fun to braid my hair in two pig tail braids today. Ugh.

On Saturday, Wenz and her parents took me shopping. I spend an insane amount of money, but new clothes are always good. It was an interesting experience, because Wenz and I have two very different styles of clothing. She's this classy, fancy blouse and boot cut jeans girl, while I'm the rocker chick who wears black all the time. She managed to spend a half hour at least inside Forever 21. I pretty much just followed her around, asking if we could go yet. I'm a personal fan of Converse and Zumies.

Today Wenz, her sister, the girl they baby sit and I had a water party. We put the sprinkler underneath the trampoline and jumped on it in our bathing suits. It was fun, but terrifying to someone like me who doesn't care for water too much.

Well, better go now. I have a friend who wants me. =)

Summer Vacation!! (Part Three)

2010-06-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

Wenz is a bad driver. Wenz is a bad driver. Wenz is a bad driver. Wenz is a bad driver.

I drove with Wenz for the first time yesterday, and since I'm her best friend and she loves me, I can say right out that she is a pretty horrible driver. Her dad told me I wasn't safe with her behind the wheel before we took off, and he was right. If you value your life you will not ever go out for a drive with her.

Wenz also has a stupid dog who will not leave me alone.

On the bright side, Chlo came over today to hang out because we were bored. We called my dad to ask him if I was allowed to see a movie, and he imitated all these voices. First he was the CPA, then he was Runaways anonymous, and all kinds of things from Arnold Schwarzenegger to a taxidermist. It was crazy. I have never heard him do something like that. Oh, sure he does lots of crazy stuff but he was really out there today.

Hmmm....what else....HEY WENZ, WHAT ELSE HAPPENED TODAY THAT WAS FUNNY?

Oh yes, we initiated Chloe into our club today. We walked out to the super secret location of our business, The Colorful Zebra. Initiation included...oh Wenz said it's super secret. Never mind.

Wenz also hates the word frothy. Chlo, Wenz and I all had two cups of chai tea with froth on top, and every time we said frothy, she would get mad at us. She can't explain why she hates that word so much, she just hits us and throws stuff at us when we say it.

Yesterday I went to youth group. My youth pastor uses the same stories he did a year and a half ago. What is up wit dat?

Hey Wenz has a Skillet song on her computer in her play list!

In closing, Wenz took the coolest picture of me today.

Yes, I'm blogging. =)

Summer Vacation!! (Part Two)

2010-06-01T11:59:00.000-07:00

Being back home is something special. I feel like I should be excited, but truthfully, things just feel normal. There's this peace inside me, like I'm back now, I'm safe, I don't have to worry any longer. It's day four, and I feel amazing.

Last night, we had my friend Wenz' sixteenth birthday. Eighty people showed up, all hanging out, eating, drinking, telling Wenz happy birthday. It was so fun! One of the best days of my life that will be remembered when I'm old and blind (yes blind).

My youth pastor was there, and all of his eight kids. He's one of the people I really missed, so it was awesome seeing him every few minutes. My friend Ben and I hung out too. We jumped on the trampoline and almost broke it. By rear touched the ground while I was getting super bounced. Then there was Sam...who I really don't like. He's weird, and he talks too much, but I feel bad for not liking him because he likes me. I told him if he let me make him a bracelet I would like him. But for now I do not like him. This is a picture of him, the skinny white Sam, and this girl that was staying with my other friend. (They wouldn't leave the poor girl alone)

I also made a new friend. Wenz' uncle Josh plays music, and released an album that he's selling by hmself, like, I think it's called indy artist *slaps forhead because she can't believe she just said that*. I really wanted to meet him and hear him play. When he showed up, Wenz introduced us, and I was like, "Okey, whatever" and moved on. But after a while I went to play the piano, and he started playing with me. It was kinda weird, but he was hecka good at it. Later on after dinner, he pulled me aside and told me to come play some more. So we had a little piano lesson, then we played the coolest, most beautiful song I've ever heard on he piano. The cool thing was, we were both improvising, but using the system he taught me, it sounded like we both new the song. It was crazy insane, as Wenz likes to say. We also traded bracelets, but he broke mine. Here's a picture of us at the piano.

Later that night, I had a late night trampoline jump with Chase, Ben, Chile, and Matthew. I was hanging out with the tween boys because all Jeremiah and Wenz wanted to do was talk about relationships. Lame.

That was about it. Wenz and I ended the night by eating a lot of candy, reading her birthday cards, and talking to my parents. It was an awesome night.

More updates to come. So far, I have two concerts planned, a babysitting job, and serving at a graduation party, so it should be pretty exciting.

Summer vacation!! (Part One)

2010-05-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for a three week long vacation, without my family.

I must say, it's going to be so weird without them. I'm always planning around what my family wants to do, always going places with them, always with them in some way. But starting tomorrow, I will be on my own.

I'm trying not to be too sad about leaving. I mean, this is my first time I get to be away from home. But honestly, I'm going to miss my little siblings and my parents. Sure, it'll be fun hanging out with my best friend all month and sharing her room, but I already think I'm going to get homesick real fast.

On a happier note, I'M SO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!!! The time is going by so slowly. I don't know how I'm supposed to go to sleep tonight. Tomorrow I have to get up early. I don't understand these people who get up early just for the fun of it. It's not natural to be up anytime before 8 am in the morning. But tomorrow it will be worth it to drag myself out of bed at 6 o'clock.

I hope none of my friends see this before Sunday, because it's supposed to be a secret. It's going to be so fun to just show up at church on Sunday, and freak everyone out. I can already see Haley gasping and shouting my name, asking why I'm here. "Well, duh, Haley, I'm here to see you! What did you think I was doing here, digging for gold?" Haha yep, it's going to be a great vacation.

More to come later this week...

Tattoos

2010-05-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

I wanna get a tattoo when I turn eighteen, but I'm not sure what I want to get. I know It's like this big deal, and I definitely see it as such. So I want to pick something out and play around with it now, so that by the time I'm eighteen, I will be used to the idea of forever having whatever I pick out attached to my earthly body.

I wanna know what you think. My ideas for possible tattoo choices range from crosses to monsters. I wanted a cross of some sort from the beginning, but as I was thought about it, I wasn't so sure anymore. It's not the cross that paid the price I couldn't pay, it was Jesus. So I think a cross might be out.

I was thinking I could get a scripture instead, but the hard part about that is that there are so many good ones. I was thinking about a verse that says something about being free, or that one in first Corinthians about how when we are weak, God is strong. If you know any other good ones, I would love to have them.

I would most likely get the scripture on my back somewhere, but I also want something a little more fun, possibly on the inside of my left wrist. I'm not quite sure what yet, but I have played around with the idea of a cute little monster with big teeth, or maybe a tiny cross. I don't know.

The last thing I'm considering is to tattoo stitches somewhere on my body. I draw stitches on myself quite frequently, because it reminds me of how messed up and fallen apart I would be if I didn't have Jesus. He holds me together, something I have to be reminded of on an hourly basis. This is by far the coolest idea for a tattoo I've had to date I think.

Anyway, that's about it. Comment, tell me what you think. I would appreciate pictures of cool tattoos like the ones I mentioned here.

I'll keep you updated on the whole situation, but I still have a year and a half to go until I'm eighteen.

For once, I was right

2010-05-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

Lee Dewyze won American Idol last night! I'm so exited, I had to re-write that first sentence about five times.

Yep, so I was right. I knew Crystal wouldn't win. It was part of the whole reason I kept watching the show. I just wanted to prove that she wouldn't win.

I haven't done a blog in a while people sorry. I was grounded. So that's pretty much it. I just wanted to say that I was right, and let you all know that I'm still alive.

Peace out homedog!

Poem Two: Wbanguna

2010-05-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Thus poem is private and has been removed from my blog. Email me at sckpanhead@gmail.com, and if I aprove, I'll send it to you.

Thanks!

Are you really a Panhead?

2010-05-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

This is my test called, Are You a Panhead? “Panhead” is the nick name that the band Skillet has given their fans. Take this test to see if things are good between you and Skillet. Um, it is good to get high ratings with this test, but you also don’t want to be too high on the scale either. This is where you fail to be a Panhead and become what most people call crazy, or even obsessed.

Are you a Panhead?

1. Do you listen to Skillet’s music on a regular basis?

2. Do you enjoy Skillet’s music?

3. Do you have ten or more Skillet songs on your MP3 player?

4. Do you own a Skillet CD that spends more time in the CD player than in the case?

5. Do you listen to Skillet in the car?

6. Do most of your friends identify you as “The Skillet Fan”?

7. Do you bring Skillet up in conversation on a daily basis?

8. Is there a Skillet poster hanging in your room?

9. Is there a Skillet sticker on anything you own?

10. Have you been to a Skillet concert?

11. Are you a frequent visitor to Skillet.com?

12. Is your computer personalized with Skillet wallpaper?

13. Have you ever sent a Skillet e-card to your friends?

14. Do you feel a strange urge to jump up and play air guitar when one of Skillet’s songs plays on the radio or T.V. (adrenaline rush)?

15. Do you listen to old Skillet songs as well as new ones?

16. Do you know the names of every Skillet member?

17. Do you know the ages and birthdays of every Skillet member?

18. Do you know where the Skillet members live?

19. Have you ever written a fan letter to Skillet?

20. Have you ever taken a picture of or with Skillet?

21. Have you ever shared a Skillet music video with a friend?

22. Do you lie in bed at night and think about Skillet?

23. Do you ever wish you could be a member of Skillet?

24. Have you done a report of any kind about Skillet that other people heard?

25. Has Skillet inspired you to start playing music?

26. Do you model your live after the members of Skillet?

27. Do you find one or two of Skillet’s members to be attractive? (If you think more than two are attractive, you have a problem that I can’t help you with)

28. Do you remember the exact day you found out about Skillet?

29. Do you remember the first song you ever heard by Skillet?

30. Is there anyone you know that heard about Skillet from you and like them?

Give yourself one point for every answer that was a yes
0-5 points: You need a lot of work before you can call yourself Panhead
6-10 points: You can say you’re a Panhead, but not really all that good of one
11-18 points: You’re a good Panhead
19-25 points: You really like Skillet, you awesome Panhead you!
26-28 points: You’re a little too close to Skillet, but still good
29-30 points: You need to chill; the world does not revolve around Skillet you know

Push Ups are Good for You

2010-05-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

As a wearer of glasses and a notice-r of odd things, I've discovered that there are many ways one can adjust their glasses.

Glasses NEVER stay on your face the right way for very long. One is forced to adjust them many times a day, but we all do it differently. For example, Some people push up or adjust their glasses by grabbing the side of their frames with their thumb and pointer finger and pushing them back into place. Some people push up in the middle bar with their pointer finger, and others with their middle finger. I've even seen the occasional ring finger push up (this looks very fancy, if you want to be fancy you should try this maneuver next time you're losing your glasses).

This blog would be extremely boring if I didn't do something crazy, so let me tell you what's going to go down. I'll tell you all the different ways one can push up their glasses, and then I'll tell you what that particular push up says about their personality. If you have glasses and you do more than one type of push up, both apply, or the one you do more. If you don't have glasses you can use this on your framed friends.

Pointer finger push up on the middle bar: The framed person who does this kind of push up is often outgoing. They want you and those around you to like them, but sometimes their glasses make them feel self conscious. It can also be a form of nervousness, something someone does when they get nervous.

Middle finger push up on the middle bar: This person is all business. They still have time for friends, but not if it interferes with jobs they must get done.

Ring finger push up on the middle bar: As mentioned above, this person is just being fancy, possibly showing off.

Pinky finger push up on the middle bar: This is just weird. If you see someone doing this tell them to stop it.

Right frame grab with the thumb and pointer finger: This person is not as bold as the middle bar push up-ers, but they still like to have lots of friends, though maybe not in large groups.

Right frame push up with the pointer finger: Usually, framed people do this if they need to see something above the top bar of their frames. I've never seen someone use this maneuver as a push up. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Right frame push up with the middle finger: This person is pretty much as normal as you can get. They're not too shy, but not over powering in any way either. If you're looking for a soul mate, go for the right frame middle finger push up-ers.

Right frame push up with the ring finger: This is like the pointer finger push up, except it's used for looking down. You might see this in a class room or while a framed person is reading. Or they might be hiding their face. Give the person some space. If someone does this frequently, they are extremely shy. it might be hard to crack their shell, but you might just find a wonderful person underneath.

Right frame push up with the pinky finger: All pinky finger push ups are just weird looking.

All these push ups are the same on the left side. All the left side tells you is that the framed person in question is most likely left handed.

Two handed push up with the right and left pointer fingers and thumbs: I'm not sure what this means.

OK, so that's about it. There are the no hand push ups, but those get really complicated. My favorites are the nose crinkling ones. When a framed person has been looking down and then looks up and they don't have their hands free, they crinkle their nose and throw their heads back in attempt to see.

When our hands are dirty, we might need to use our shoulder or arm. This means nothing besides our hands are dirty, and our glasses are falling down.

And the best push up ever, one I have personally discovered and perfected. The head bang push up!!!!!!!! When you head bang, you put less force into the down motion, so your $200 glasses don't fly off your face and hit the floor. They will still slide down your face a considerable amount though, so when you throw your head up, you have to do this over exaggerated head flick. This way, your glasses go right back into place. Repeat about 20 times, and you have the head bang push up!

The end.

Poem one: Don't Be Afraid

2010-05-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes It's scary
This world I'm in
Sometimes I don't know who to listen to
The messages come rushing in
I wonder if this is all worth it
I just want it to stop for a moment
Lord, make it stop
But it keeps coming

I want you to trust in Me
I want you to know you're not in this alone
Don't listen to what they say about you
He doesn't love you like I do
I gave you this gift, now go share it
Use it the way I tell you
And everything will be alright
Just keep trusting in Me

But Lord, I can't do it
Don't you see how scared I am?
Don't you know I'll be judged for my gift?
It'll never be good enough
It won't matter how hard I try
I've failed You so many times
it's easier on the sidelines
It won't matter how hard I try

Child, if only you could see
I see everything
It's right here in front of Me
I have it all in My hands
No one can hurt you
What can mere man do to you?
Man, the very things I created!
Don't worry about them

This was worth a shout out

2010-04-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

I found this somewhere, thought it was the funniest thing. Worth a blog all to itself.

Haha a million pairs of glasses! YES!!!!!!!

I fell for the worst prank ever

2010-04-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

So last night, I got this call from my good friend Wenz. It was strange because she's not even allowed to call me at all after about 9 o'clock. She sounded really sad and tired. I asked her what the matter was and she said that our friend Chlo called her up and told her that she thought she was prettier than Wenz. I told Wenz that it was okey because everyone is pretty in their own special way, but that didn't seem to satisfy her.

Then she told me that she thought that Chlo had a crush on Jer. This is weird because everyone knows that Jer has and always will like Hale, but I didn't say anything about that. We talked a bit about how strange a couple they would make. Then Wenz told me that she didn't even want to see Chlo again, just talk to her on the phone. I told Wenz she should hold on to Chlo, because they're such good friends to each other. I suggested that perhaps Chlo was just going through a jerk phase. She was, after all, almost 14.

Then I heard hysterical laughing on the other line. I sat there in silence, because I wasn't sure if Wenz was laughing or if she was crying, or if that was even her! After things quieted down, I asked her who was laughing, and she said Chlo! They had called me to see what I really thought about Chlo. I was so embarresed. I jokingly called Chlo a jerk, and my face turned red. I told them both that they were mean.

I can't believe I fell for it.

Skillet

2010-04-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have yet to blog about Skillet!!!!

What kind of a Panhead am I? I don't deserve the name Sckpanhead. I've even added "Panhead" to all my paper and computer dictionaries, because apparently some people don't believe such a word exists. Well, it does, and I am a proud member of this group of people. What are we? We are Skillet fans. We are one.

Anyway, so Skillet is the awesome-ist band ever. I first heard of them back in 2004, when their album Collide had just come out. My dad had burned "Savior" onto one of his CDs we listened to in the family car. I remembered thinking that they were Lifehouse. When I asked my dad who they were, he couldn't remember. I loved the song, but I don't think this counts as being a Panhead yet.

Two years later, my dad did the same thing with a song off their new album, Comatose. The song was "Rebirthing", and we listened to it full blast a few times while driving around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights. Everyone loved the song, especially me. I asked my dad again who this awesome band was, and I'll never forget what he told me. He said, "I don't know, Skillet or some weird name like that". "Well dad, burn me a CD with songs from this weird band" I said. And that was the beginning of my obsession. My dad burned me that CD, with songs from every Skillet CD there was besides the first one. I listened to that CD until it was fallign apart (yes, you can listen to a CD until it falls apart).

The first time I actually saw Skillet was a short time after this. My mom called me into the living room and told me that that band Skillet I always listen to was on TV. It was the Rebirthing video. I remember trying to figure out with my mom if the drummer was a girl or a boy, and that they were, in fact, weird.

It didn't take long for me to get used to Skillet. being home schooled, I wasn't frequently exposed to such coolness as Skillet very often, so it took some getting used to. Later I liked bands like Thousand Foot Krutch and tobyMac which, how do I word this, warmed me up to be cool, I guess. I always went back to Skillet though, no matter what band I liked at the time. Skillet was always number one.

On a more serious note, Skillet's songs have helped me get through a lot of hard things in my life. A lot of the songs seem to say exactly what I'm feeling. It's like John Cooper (lead singer, bass player, and writer for Skillet for all you non-Skillet people out there) was going through the same things I was. It still helps me a lot in my life now, even though I don't take the help as often as I should anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me, but i don't listen to Skillet as much as I used to. Sort of sad.

OK, now for the good stuff...SKILLET STUFF!!!! Let me tell you about the band in my own words. There is John Cooper, lead singer and bass player. He grew up in Tenessee, but currently lives in Wisconson with his wife and two kids. John is a nerd who likes toys, action figures, and 80's music. Korey Cooper is John's wife, and also plays keys and guitar in Skillet. She is the serious one, and ba;ances out John's crazy easy going attitude. Ben Kasica plays lead guitar. He is my personal favorite, mostly because he was home schooled like me. He grew up, and I believe still lives, in ST Louis. He likes coffee. Jen ledger plays drums. She's from England, and used to have an accent, although she's lost most of it. She is a typical 20 year old rocker chick, with awesome clothes and awesome hair to match.

OK, this blog could go on forever, but like I thought it would it's already gotten out of hand. Let's just stop right here, and I can send you to some sites or something. Here you go...

www.skillet.com
www.myspace.com/skilletmusic
www.theskilletsizzle.com

And of course, a picture of Skillet, just in case you see them on the street by some strange coincidence. From left to right: Jen, Ben, John, Korey.

And one more of Ben...

Genevieve

2010-04-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

My little sister is the best.

She is soooooo adorable. I've never ever seen another baby that's as cute as she is. This might have something to do with the fact that I'm used to babies and don't notice them as much. But if there's this really cute baby in Wal-Mart or Lowe's or something I'll still be like, "Oh, that baby is so cute!" But not one has even come close to Genevieve.

She has these perfect eyes that make you melt. Crazy hair that would look horrible on anyone else but her. A nicely shaped body that you can't help but squeeze every time you walk past her. And the cu-t-est voice. It's sort of like mine, high pitched and nasally. All this perfect-ness helps her to get away with a lot of stuff though.

That's the only bad thing about her. She has one whopper of an attitude. She will demand things, and if you don't give it to her right away, she'll whine for it until you give her a spank or send her to her room. She also pesters her older brother Elijah. He used to get in trouble all the time for making her cry, until we found out that she was the one starting all these fights.

OK, I think she wants a word or two...

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Yes, um, anyway.

I love my sister a lot, I know that sounds overused and everything, but I really do. It doesn't matter how bad or good she acts, I will still love her the same, because God gave her to me to love and take care of.

Different is not that bad, right?

2010-04-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

As years, decades, maybe even weeks go by, people are changing.

None of us are the same people we were last year, and we'll never be. I know people who don't understand change and how necessary it is to grow and remain effective in the world. Change happens. We can't do anything to stop that.

Take me, for example. Growing up, I was the classic nerd in glasses. I wanted to be smart. Anyone who was opposing to my ideas and creations was stupid and should be avoided as much a possible. Even when I was in school, nothing there affected me that much as far as my personality went. I was my own person and I did my own thing. When I got to be in my preteen years, the outside world started to place its mark on me. I was tired of being smart, because smart didn't fit in. I wanted to be normal.

Still, I did my own thing. I was a major tomboy, like short hair and baggy clothes tomboy. I shudder at the pictures of me because of how hard it was to tell if I was a boy or a girl. In my early teen years, I changed again. Still very much my own person, I started going to a youth group with other kids my age. They had their own ideas about things, but they still somehow fit in. I wanted to be like that. Long story short, this was the year I experienced my first heartbreak, my first best friends, my first click, what it's like to not be included in a click, and lots of drama. But over all, these things changed me the most so far, even to where I'm at now. Without these things, I might still be a tomboy with short hair and no friends.

It's been two years, and already I'm a completely different person. I'm quiteter now, closer to God and not as carefree as I once was. I learned how to be uniqe during the first part of this blog, and how to contrubute in the second part. Now I'm using this information to mature and move on with life. I'm seeing what's importaint and what's not.

All this could just be a nice little story of my life if it wasn't for the things in my life that don't change. You see, I change a lot. I could be a new person in a matter of weeks, with new goals and new ideas. But I have friends and other commitments that don't change this fast. It's not anyone's fault, but I struggle with the fact that I'm moving on and they're still stuck in the past. This is something that's been on my mind lately, how fast I move, how I'm leaving things behind.

This is mostly for my friends back home in Nevada. After my most recent visit, I noticed that something was wrong. It wasn't home anymore. these weren't my friends. That wasn't my church. It's all part of the past now, something God allowed me to have for a little while, but doesn't want me to have now. Now, I feel lost and trapped. I'm stuck in the middle of two different worlds. One is the one I'm in now, and the other is the one I was living.

It's painful to say this, but I don't belong anywhere anymore. I want so desperetly to go back home, but I don't belong there any longer. I hate the place I'm living now, but this is where my future lies.

I'm different yes. But I'm sick of people treating that like it's a bad thing. I have decided to move on. I still love my friends. What they taught me I will never forget. But I'm here now, and I'm a new person. Change is something they will have to deal with.